To feel inadequate seeing naked women in movies?

[Frankie47]

Whenever I see naked women in movies they always have amazing bodies and I massively spiral afterwards comparing my old, very flat chested body to theirs. Today I watched some of American Pie and when it got to the bit where ‘Nadia’ strips off and they’re watching her masturbate, I really felt awful about myself. Was very painful to feel so inadequate and know that i don’t have the body that she has so I will never have men desire me like that. I know it’s a fictional character obviously but the actress and her body do represent the ideal that I can’t match up to. How do others stop themselves feeling this?

I strongly recommend going round some National Trust houses and looking at the 18th and 19th century mythical/allegorical paintings. It will cheer you right up. I always feel like yelling: "See...see...milk pale, frizzy hair, flat chested, big hips and a bit of a belly - very attractive in the right time period 😀."

My daughter’s friend has a bmi over 60, is very short (well under 5 foot). She’s happily living with a great guy, they are very happy and he’s around 6foot. I’d say he’s good looking and a super nice guy

a decent man (emphasis on decent) doesn’t judge purely on looks. Her value as a woman is in no way diminished by the way she looks! She does no self care, cuts her own hair, has never set foot in a beauty salon or nail bar so she’s not perfectly groomed either! She’s still loved and cherished by a man who adores her. You need to reevaluate your self worth, you do not need to look a certain way to be with a decent person! If they are only with you as you look a certain way - I’d run a mile

Bollocks. If you really are a woman and you really feel how attractive you are is relevant in any way to how much you are loved, there something very wrong with you and it's not your body!

I’m sorry I wrote the comment about my value as a woman in the early hours of this morning when I was in a very low frame of mind. I wish I could erase it but obviously can’t now.

It helps that I don’t give that much of a shit about what men like or how men see me anymore (I say ‘that much’ because there’s a bit of that social conditioning still lingering but I’m working on it!).

Our value really isn’t about whether men want to watch us masturbating (the film is awful actually) and I’d suggest some kind of therapy to help you overcome the feeling that it is - I’m not saying that glibly because I know how oppressive the idea that all that matters is how young and sexy you are is, but is this really how you want to spend what’s left of your one precious life as they say? Imagine what else you could do with your time and energy if you weren’t wasting it on worrying it about men find attractive (men have been on record as having sex with furtniture, corpses, kimodo dragons and goodness knows what else - their desire or otherwise to penetrate you says precisely nothing about your worth I promise).

You don't need to delete the comment. It's how you feel, or at least how you felt in the early hours.

The idea itself is obviously bollocks, your value isn't tied up in any way to how attractive you are to men, but knowing that objectively doesn't mean that you don't feel that it's true.

The value in posting it is that you've had that view robustly challenged (very robustly in the case of some posts). Hopefully now you've realised that your feeling has absolutely no correlation with the truth, you can start to try and unpick why you feel the way you do, and figure out how to change the way you feel. Therapy can be a good place to do that, but Mumsnet can be too. You've just got to be brave enough to talk about it rather than hide from it, and accept that you'll get some robust criticism.

well I suppose all influencers are attention seeking but at least this one is pedalling love yourself and your body warts and all, and that it doesn’t matter what you look like. It’s good to be reminded of that.

Do you maybe need some help from your gp for your low mood?

I do think you need to explore therapy for whatever issues you face, be it low self esteem on.

are you unhappily single? In a bad relationship? You must see women every day of all shapes and sizes, in happy relationships. You must also know everyone finds something different physically attractive and in no way does that mean you will be loved.

if you need help, then reach out and get help. You don’t need to sit and struggle .

I never have those feelings about actresses or other celebrities. It’s their job to look like that and they have a lot of advantages to achieve it. A lot of it isn’t natural anyway, either through surgery or putting in huge amounts of effort to change how they would look if they lived a normal life.

I can relate to feeling that way about women I know or encounter in real life though. There are plenty of women out there who look better than me for no reason other than my own inadequacy. It doesn’t ruin my life or make me want to hide away, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t upset me sometimes.

Even she doesn't have that body! There'll be lighting, make up, body make up, fake tan, potentially some surgery, flattering camera angles etc etc....
If you care about what men think of your body (which is really not something to care about if you can avoid it, but i get why sometimes we do) they're normally pretty grateful you're naked at all! My husband genuinely didn't know what cellulite was, I moaned about it and he had no clue what I was on about- after squashing it all up and pushing it towards him he went "oh yeah, kind of see it.... weird" - it's something I was obsessed with for ages, but staring and analysing every little part of your body is not what other people do, so you can't be objective really. They're not zooming in to look at a stretch mark or a sag. We do that, but nobody else really notices the little things or has anywhere near the level of obsession we have about our own bodies.

On top of all of that, your body is just your tool to get around in the world, and it does an amazing job. It doesn't reflect who you are or all your amazing parts.

Meh, I watched American pie as a 9 stone curvy but slim size 10 18yr old and Nadias body made me feel inadequate. Its unattainable for 99% of women. Its like women drooling over Henry Cavill, hes a genetic lottery winner but it doesnt stop us fancying or falling in love with other 'lesser' men. Same with men, who are visual yes but just as happy with a less Nadia looking woman

The fact that you even compare with a naked body suggests to me that you have a good figure and only notice flaws during nudity. It wouldn't occur to me to compare because I don't have a good body at all and I might as well be comparing with an alien. When I see someone in size 10 clothing I think they are so beautiful, there is only a small percentage of women that I feel more attractive than. That's why I don't compare.

To be fair I think the actress wh0 played Nadia did, she was only 25 and yeah that’s her body, lots of candid real life shots. She did have breast augmentation before she filmed American pie.

i think she is attractive, normal girl next door type. Great figure like many 25 year old women.

someone else said Sidney sweeney made her feel like that, I just look at Sidney sweeney the same, attractive girl next door type. Sure big boobs, naturally, but not her look is not something I give any thought to.

now someone like Elle McPherson in her youth, and even now at 62, that woman was called the body for a reason. That is a figure I was in awe of, not jealous, I don’t seem to get that, I guess high self esteem. But I look at Elle and think wow. She looked and still looks amazing. The Nadia’s and the Sidney’s for me are just really girl next door type , the Elle McPherson. She was a whole different league,

You daughter’s friend definitely isn’t happy with a BMI of 60 about anything. She will be practically housebound.
And you have absolutely no idea whether or not he adores her and whether they are “very happy”

Actually she is very happy and he does adore her. I know she needs to lose weight but she is proud of her ‘curves’ - until she realises how desperately important it is she loses weight nothing I can do. She can’t walk far without sweating or being out of breath but that doesn’t seem to bother her or him. I know the people concerned really well, we are closer than family.

How do you know? The mother of a friend of the woman.

She has a BMI of more than 60.

60!!! she doesn’t have “curves”

and she is a young woman who can barely walk without getting out of breath and you have concluded this doesn’t seem to bother her or him. Unbelievable

I would rather have the warts removed than embrace them. Its a dangerous narrative to peddle.

Who cares what men think? If you can get past that then you conquer the world.

What on earth are you posting, she will have very signficant health issues, her skeleton collapsing, her internal organs struggling, at high risk of an event like heart attack or stroke, and quite frankly you know full well that if she’s that big he’s some form of sexual thing for morbidly obese women. This isn’t just curves, how on earth can you write that, no one should be celebrating someone so unhealthy, the lady needs help.

If you have a dh/ partner is he an Adonis ?
I'm guessing probably not but I expect you love them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship .
I also think beauty / attractiveness is very fleeting . Look around you , how many gorgeous people are there out there over a certain age ?

Incredible isn’t it. A BMI of more than 60 and “very happy” “proud of her curves” with a partner who doesn’t care and “adores her”

but this woman gets out of breath walking short distances and will likely be largely housebound.

Are you my husband? 🤣🤣

Yes, no one should be applauding a woman who is effectively dying, or placing it as some form of mills and boons love story.

God I hope not, DP would murder me if she found out I'd said she was chubby!