To feel inadequate seeing naked women in movies?

[Frankie47]

Whenever I see naked women in movies they always have amazing bodies and I massively spiral afterwards comparing my old, very flat chested body to theirs. Today I watched some of American Pie and when it got to the bit where ‘Nadia’ strips off and they’re watching her masturbate, I really felt awful about myself. Was very painful to feel so inadequate and know that i don’t have the body that she has so I will never have men desire me like that. I know it’s a fictional character obviously but the actress and her body do represent the ideal that I can’t match up to. How do others stop themselves feeling this?

Sorry, but you've got absolutely no idea how men think.

Men don't just fancy "perfect" Hollywood women. We fancy the bodies of the women we fancy.

I'll use myself as an example.

As a teen, I had an absolutely massive crush on Willow from Buffy. As a result, for a good few years I had a massive thing for redheads and nerdy girls. If I walked into a room full of women, the first one I'd notice would be the nerdy ginger girl sat in the corner.

I watched American Pie at that same formative age, and I never really fancied Nadia. Yes, I could appreciate she was beautiful and attractive, but I didn't fancy her. For what it's worth, I didn't particularly fancy Alyson Hannigan in that film either, or anything else she's done since. It was the character I was attracted to, not the actress. I had developed a thing for redheads because of a fictional characters personality.

And so it goes on. I have a thing for Roman noses because of a girl I was in love with at university. I find tiny boobs incredibly sexy because of a woman I had a one night stand with at 22.

And at age 42, if I walk into a room full of women, the first one my eye is going to be drawn to is the short blonde chubby one. Why? Because 18 years ago I met a short blonde chubby woman and absolutely fell in love, so now apparently that's my type. Don't get me wrong, the redhead thing is still in there, as is the Roman nose thing and everything else, but it's been massively superseded by short blonde and chubby.

In the unlikely event that DP and I should ever split up, then chances are Ill end up with another short blonde chubby woman. Except I won't, because that's not how it works. I'll end up with a woman who I fancy because of who she is, instead of what her body looks like, and my physical "type" will shift once again.

This post is already a mile long, but I thought of an analogy. Nadia from American Pie is an Ed Sheeran song. (Given the subject of the thread, let's go with "Shape of You") I can appreciate an Ed Sheeran song. It is well crafted, the lyrics are clever, he can sing, the instruments are played well. I can see that it's a good song. But it's never going to make me feel anything. Because it's a very surface level song. It's never going to make anyone cry. There are a million "worse" songs out there that have made me feel infinitely more than shape of You ever will.

Nadia from American Pie is the same. She's a cypher. She's not a person, she's barely a character. She doesn't have hopes and dreams, or a character arc. Her purpose in the film is eye candy, and to cause hijinks for the main character. No teenage boy ever fell in love with her the way I fell in love with Willow. There's nothing there to fall in love with.

I get your point but who decides who is ugly average, good looking or whatever

And as we humans all look different how is one sex only attracted to one type?

And where do all the children come from of people who look different? Immaculate conceptions?

Thank you this has been so so helpful and nice to know tiny boobs can be sexy!

Do you feel inadequate every time you see a Ferrari on TV?

Because that's not the reality for 99.99% of people. The average age of a car in the UK is 10 years old. So not even new. Let alone exotic. Same with our bodies. The ones on TV are the Ferraris, while we all drive 10 year old Fords. We can put some go faster stripes on and a big fat exhaust, but we're not fooling anyone.

There's your problem. Attractiveness isn't about your value as a woman and whether you deserve to be loved. Conventional attractiveness might catch the eye of a lot of people, it isn't what people fall in love with and it's certainly not what keeps love going for decades. Your value is nothing to do with how you look, it's how you treat people and make them feel and your contribution to the world.
Comparing your body to Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie is just silly anyway. Probably only 1% of women will have her body proportions and the majority of those will be under 30 and have not been through pregnancy and child birth. It is not a representation of a typical body. If a woman needed a body like that for a man to find her attractive 99% of us would be single.

You do realise the actor who played Nadia in that film was in her early 20s at the time? How old are you? I’m early 40s and I would never compare my body with someone in their 20s…I know that even if I only ate watermelon and went to the gym 7 days a week, it would be physically impossible for my body to look like hers. It might look toned and slim but not perfectly smooth and tight without a line in sight! It’s just not realistic. It just seems so pointless and such a waste of time and energy to constantly feel rubbish about not looking like a 20-something Hollywood actress. Not to mention kinda shallow. Getting older has made me realise there are genuinely SO many more valuable and attractive qualities to being a woman than what your body looks like. I had a banging body in my 20s and I was miserable. The thrill from looking good in a bikini really doesn’t last that long or go that deep. I’m way happier now with my very average body because I have a solid purpose in life, a lot more wisdom, and someone who desires me for the all of me, not just my body, which is way more fulfilling and lasts a lot longer

Of course tiny boobs can be sexy. All boobs can be sexy!

The size and shape is really not the important thing for most men. It's the fact you're letting us see them, and touch them, and the little gasp you make when we do. That's the bit that's really sexy.

Ok, I'm going to go a little bit "Penthouse Letters" below and I realise I'm skirting dangerously close to being the creepy man on Mumsnet, so if this post ends up getting deleted, I get it.

I've actually been with two women who had very tiny breasts. The first one I went out with for around 6 months, and she was really insecure about them. So much so that I basically never saw them, she nearly always kept her top or a crop top on, and I was absolutely never allowed to touch them.

The second woman was the one I mentioned in the previous post. We met on a night out and ended up in bed together. It wasn't a conscious thing but I ended up avoiding her boobs, I just sort of assumed based on past experience that she wouldn't be into it.

That was up until she obviously decided mid way through sex "This idiot really doesn't know what he's doing" and grabbed my hands and plonked them on her chest. I got the message. We went again the next morning and I spent a lot more time on her boobs, and yeah, I'd really got the wrong end of the stick the night before. She knew exactly what she wanted and made sure that by the end, I knew too, and I found that incredibly sexy. I've never met a woman who was so clear and matter of fact about what she wanted in bed.

Again, it's the personality of the person informing the physical "type" of woman I then find attractive going forwards.

I can assure you that my short round body has attracted plenty of people over the years. And may continue to do so for a few more yet.

OP would it help to consider these points?

1. Actors/Actresses often work out with a personal trainer and a nutritionist for months before a film. Many actors have even said that training for nude scenes are gruelling because they have to work out for hours and hours every day and eat so little. Many have even said it made them almost ill doing it and it was completely unsustainable long term. Many actors have also said eating disorders are rife in the industry
2. Actors arent generally representative of the average person. They are a bit like models in a way- they have very photogenic faces and have made it to where they are because their face fits and they also act. But the way they look is like 0.0000010 of the population so they are essentially freaks of nature because most of us dont look like models or actresses
3. Actresses who get to age 40 often struggle to find appropriate roles due to ageism in the industry and thats why so many of them get cosmetic surgery.

You are comparing yourself to an illusion. Most women dont look like the actress who plays Nadia do they? honestly- how many times do you see women out and about who resemble literal supermodels?

i don’t have the body that she has so I will never have men desire me like that.

and... so what?

Obviously a lot of ugly (any combo of fat, mishapen, scarred, damaged-body or damaged mind, flabby, foul-tempered, coarse) women have a partner. They didn't end up "alone". I don't think OP is saying she's so physically "wrong" that she'll never have a partner. Actually I feel having a partner is over-rated, but discussion for another thread.

Why would you want lots of men to desire you? Do you want lots of men to choose from, maybe, or lots of fellas to keep on the go at the same time, because that sounds fun? Do you like being the centre of attention? What would be so cool about being a hot fox? Would you feel the same if you were hyper attractive to lesbians?

Should everyone feel annoyed & inadequate because they don't have the nicest car; job; house; hair; eyes; singing voice; hands; bank account... I mean, it's endless the things to feel are inferior about yourself, if you're determined to feel inferior.

ps: nowadays I would assume every movie scene has body doubles and CGI and AI filtering how the bodies look; also filming from the most flattering angle if pre 2018 production. Make up to cover up spots, marks, funny bits, hair trimmed professionally, not like any real person. Remember when Jamie Lee Curtis pointedly did a campaign to show off her body imperfections.

Thank you, didn’t realise that. I always hide mine out of embarrassment and assume the man won’t like them. Don’t think I will ever be as confident as your partner was but I guess it depends on personal experiences. I was teased a lot at school about my body.

Feel awful about the perverts in the film.
These are actresses with chefs and trainers and plastic. Your body is a vehicle to explore life through. Look after it and recognise its real role isnt to be attractive to others

Why are you so bothered about what men think?
What age are you OP?
You need to work on your self esteem and stop placing so much value on looks equating to self worth

I have never, not even once, compared myself with an actress

Yeah right. This is a fake post written by a man thinking he is being smart. 🙄

I completely understand OP.

I used to be a B cup, but now I'm an A cup after breastfeeding two babies. I was watching The Housemaid with My Husband and Sidney Sweeney comes on with her big old knockers and I I was very aware that I had the complete opposite.

He has never shown any interest in Big Boobs, and doesn't say or do anything to make me feel this way but I think I'll always have this hang-up.

One day someone will realise most of these fake messages are written by bored gay men, correction very very bored gay men

Follow Bryony Gordon on instagram hun, she is the epitome of normal-looking women loving their bodies and celebrating it. She looks fantastic and is always so inspiring. Give her a follow immediately and feel better about yourself. Life’s too short to be worrying too much about what you look like. Think about whether you’re a nice person who
is kind and has good friends, that’s what really matters in life xxx

This is the most messed up. Warped and shallow thing I have ever read. Gently you need to get help. I am horrified you actually think your value as a woman is based on looks and it determines if you deserve to be loved.

does any part of you understand why thays so messed up? That our value as women is not about men’s approval. But about so much more, our personality, intelligence, kindness, empathy, humour, about our values, our relationships, our work ethic,

our value as women is not about what we look like and it is utterly appalling that you think that.

get help in the form of therapy.

This might come as a shock to you OP but women are just as visual as men. It's called being human. We are all visual despite our sex.

Thank you I will do. Sometimes I feel like I have this perverse desire to watch things that make myself feel worse.

If that is true of the men in your life then get rid of them and find new ones!
@Frankie47 , I know you aren’t trying to but I find what you are saying insulting. The value of women is not in having a perfect body, we strong, resourceful, resilient, clever, funny, loving etc. It is in those characteristics that our value lies not some genetic lottery and 24/7 dedication to diet and exercise and everyone deserves love.

Pleas get some therapy as the negative self talk will be doing you terrible damage and stopping you ever being happy in your life.

Really? I don't get that from her at all. She comes across as an aggressive influencer, addicted to attention for being oh, so normal but she is just as attention seeking as an influencer who is slim and pretty. Awful woman who trades on her past to sell her unremarkable face. I still don't really understand why, if you want an athletic body, you don't just do some athletics. It isnt luck of the draw, being thin. Its work.

I find nudity and sex scenes in films really cringe. But you know they all use body doubles for 'skin' scenes, right? So even Hollywood actors are shy about their bodies! And the men always wear big prosthetic willies.

It's quite easy to avoid nudity in movies though. So just don't watch films with lots of sex/romance or about naturists?

Nice try, but good luck pinning misogyny exclusively on gay men.