To feel inadequate seeing naked women in movies?

[Frankie47]

Whenever I see naked women in movies they always have amazing bodies and I massively spiral afterwards comparing my old, very flat chested body to theirs. Today I watched some of American Pie and when it got to the bit where ‘Nadia’ strips off and they’re watching her masturbate, I really felt awful about myself. Was very painful to feel so inadequate and know that i don’t have the body that she has so I will never have men desire me like that. I know it’s a fictional character obviously but the actress and her body do represent the ideal that I can’t match up to. How do others stop themselves feeling this?

Get outdoors and do some people-watching today.
Look around you at real life couples you know.
Look at your workmates.

Are all the women Hollywood-level attractive? Are all the men? And yet, a lot of these people will be in relationships.

People who are not conventionally attractive - they're coupled up, they're marrying, they're raising families.

You don't need to look like a filmstar to meet someone.

If you stopped obsessing over what you think you lack, you'd be happier.

One thing that’s made me feel better about my body is strength training. Because I’m focusing on what my body can do rather than what it looks like. There’s something really amazing about challenging yourself and feeling powerful rather than trying to be skinny.

I'm assuming you are very young OP? Aspiring to be wank fodder is not really what you should be looking to as a woman.

You really need to ask yourself why you think it's so important to have this body. If it is for men to desire you, then you need to look at why all your value is pinned on that.

I think you may need some counselling to get to the real issue here.

You're comparing yourself to the top 0.001% or less, selected for photogenic beauty. Do you do the same for intelligence, social skills, musical and theatrical performance ability, work ethic?

Honestly, saying ‘I think I ought to be comparable to the top 0.001% and am miffed that I’m not’ sounds incredibly arrogant. The rest of us aren’t in this league, why would you assume you should be?

I’d suggest you get over your absurd expectations and get on with your life.

Comparison is the thief of joy. There will always be people who are taller, shorter, thinner, more toned, slimmer, with more or less attractive features.
I recently had a mastectomy. Now that is ugly and I would love my old, imperfect breast back and wish I’d accepted and loved myself a bit more before my diagnosis. I refuse to feel inadequate and am trying to make the best of what I do have. I’m worth so much more than how I look and it has taken a lot of trauma to realise this.

There are plenty of films with real women in them, with real women’s bodies, but you’re choosing to watch teenage boy wank films. You were not born on this earth to have boys wank over you. Sad that you feel your human worth is that.

These women that you’re comparing yourself to are the 1% in society. They probably have a very tough schedule of diet & fitness, hair, nails, not to mention cosmetic procedures .
I spent most of my life dieting and comparing myself to those with perfect bodies only to realise now I’m older that the men I’ve met are in real life more interested in a normal woman - an average body & good personality and I’m so much happier now I’ve accepted myself as I am
Make the most of what you’ve got and enjoy wearing the clothes that others can’t e.g. im big breasted can’t wear some styles that smaller women look good in
I suspect if you were to ask these models and actresses they’d all tell you that there are parts of their body that they’re not happy with too .

I do think you need some professional advice, not Mumsnet.

Have you ever been in a relationship or felt loved otherwise? You say you are older, but to me this sounds like my 21-year-olds at work speak.

Look around you. Most people that are loved are not in-your-face attractive.

Also… Do you really think being desired like Nadia in American Pie is a positive thing for a woman? Are you familiar with Katie Price/ do you think it did her any good and she found love?

I am currently in a life stage where I’m stunning to the point that some people stop in their tracks or lose track of what they were doing, and I get told several times a day that I am. It doesn’t exactly help me be loved. Being wanted as a material possession/ arm candy is very different to being genuinely loved and cared about. In fact, I’ve all but given up on finding love as people’s behaviour around me has made me mistrust them.

Also, watch some better films. Lots of European films with ‘real’ people in the nude if that’s your thing. Or like someone suggested, go to the local swimming pool, it’s guaranteed to make you feel loads better about your body, plus endorphins are good for your mood.

Or… connect with someone that actually loves you in real life.

seek help OP.

However old you are, I think you've got a lot of growing up to do, @Frankie47 .

It's their job to be gorgeous or photogenic. They play characters in stories and that's what draws the watcher in. It's the personality AND the face or body.

You have a personality to go with your body so use it. Noone expects you to be physically gorgeous but they do expect you to be able have a relationship with them. If you truly feel insecure work towards being fit and well looked after, the best version of yourself that you can be.

Just as an aside, what's classed as attractive changes and is always a subject of debate and looks can be marmite.

Oh FFS. Actreses are paid to look like that, with a whole team starving, primping and painting them to look like Jessica Rabbit. Many of them have lifelong eating disorders and drug/psychological problems, and often end up looking like weird plastic robots because of plastic surgery. And as for deserving to be loved, how many of them have strong long-term relationships? THIS NONSENSE IS IN YOUR HEAD, NOT IN THE REAL WORLD. I doubt you are "ugly" to most people, but even if you are, lots of ugly people find love. Stop watching stupid films and live in the real world.

Are you a teenager OP? Why the need to mention that specific scene you were watching? She looks the same in the whole film, topless. Are you male yourself by chance?

You know what, whilst I disagree with comparing ourselves to those in American Pie (probably not the best movie to watch), I think OP does have a point.

There is no denying that men ARE physically attracted to women. And we live in a society now that is porn ridden. Lots of women get work done etc. It is a billion dollar industry. I don’t think denying what OP is saying is actually in any way helpful, and it is actually inaccurate.

That being said, for self esteem purposes, you need to broaden it. You need to broaden what you’re basing your worth on. What other values and qualities do you have? I don’t think I’m the most attractive person out there, however, I do think I am kind, caring, understanding, empathetic, funny, and smart. And lots of men out there (if that’s what concerns you) ARE into that. They’re not always looking for a stunning woman. If you come across men who simply look for that, then they are vacuous and not worth your time, simply move along until you find someone who values you for everything that you are. You bring much more to the table than your looks!

As you are watching American Pie, you might as well branch out and look at a wider range of porn. You will be reassured that men are attracted to all sorts.

Watch some of how to look good naked, naked attraction etc. so you realise you can look good naked in all body shapes.

also I think what has helped me is realising I look at women of all shapes and sizes and see things about them that I would love to have (big boobs, bums, curves, tall, slim, beautiful face, whatever) and so I have realised there is truly something attractive about most people and almost nobody who looks like a movie star but they’re still ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’.

No. Walk down any high street and count the amount of attractive people you see. Most people are by definition average.

I looked great when I was younger. Tanned, toned, slim etc.

If anything, it attracts the kind of guys you want to avoid. It gets very old quickly and tiring.

Am married and look far more normal now. Life is easier and I can go about unselfconsciously. Ironically I have more confidence because I am not immediately visible/judged.

I don’t think it matters how many replies you get that are telling you the opposite OP because no matter what, this is how you feel and it’s a deep rooted psychological issue. When you’re in that headspace, the most handsome man on earth could be falling at your feet begging for you to trust him and you would find plenty of reasons why he’s a bare faced liar. Something that has helped me when I’ve been in dark places is to step away from watching films like that (American pie must have been one of the worst choices you could have chosen in my opinion) and to also look at the men portrayed in films. It’s true society in general are a lot harsher to women but it’s not something I spend my days worrying about because the majority of these things were created by men, for men. Or by women who knew the only way to pitch to a man is by selling a fantasy.
What is however important is to build on your own self esteem and improve your mental health so I do think you should seek help for this to try to improve the way you feel.
Good luck.

My body is changing as I age & sometimes it gets me down eg when I lie in bed my boobs are under my armpits & my legs are a bit tree trunk like (used to have great legs). But DH is always so good for my ego. I once complained about my cellulite & he said “I love it because it’s part of you” ❤️ I remember being really shocked that supermodels had split up with their partners as I thought how could someone who looks like that not be in a relationship? But of course as pps have posted, there’s so much more to a person than their looks.

Ffs! Does every thread on this place have to get into a trans discussion?!

Why are you watching such shit movies?

That is often true sadly. But you don't have to subscribe to that or see yourself through a male lens?

And most men are completely deluded about what they think they can get.

Um, no. Your value as a woman is how you are as a person. Do you treat others how you would wish to be treated? Not how you look.

I think this is a you problem. Sounds like you need to work on your self esteem. I wouldn’t look on them any differently to say a dog in a movie and think she looks nice! I’d then forget about it and move on with my day. Many men prefer women with curves and cuddly bits. Everytime you look in a mirror tell yourself you’re gorgeous.