AIBU to think RSE lessons should be separated by sex not gender identity?

[Ljcrow]

My daughter's in Year 4 and had her first proper RSE lesson this week, covering puberty: body changes, periods etc. Girls and boys were separated apart from one boy who wears his hair long, dresses in what most people would view as "girls' clothes" and who likes to be referred to by female pronouns.
Besides the blatant ridiculousness of it- the fact that this child is never going to go through female puberty, I'm uncomfortable with the fact that girls are already being given the message that anyone can self identify into girlhood/womanhood and I worry about the precedent that this sets.
What complicates matters is that my child is really good friends with this boy and I'm friendly with his parents, although not super close, not enough to feel comfortable broaching the subject with them.
I've no problem with them being friends, my worry is that the school is reinforcing a potentially dangerous falsehood: that anyone who says they are the opposite sex, is.
Myself and my husband have always talked to our daughter about how there's more to being a girl than having long hair and liking pink or unicorns and how people can dress how they want and like whatever they like, but somebody's biological sex doesn't change.
As long as we're consistently giving this message is that enough or do I raise my concerns with the school?
Am I being unreasonable to be concerned about this?

Why is it you think males should be included in something that is female only?

I’m doubting this as they don’t separate them until year 6.

Both groups will be inhibited from asking questions if the other group is present. These questions are important and not knowing the answers is far from ideal.

I've had a few comments of this nature and again all I can say is it's true, it's happened. There's nothing much I can do to prove it but it's absolutely not made up.

When my kids did this the whole class had sessions together where they covered both male and female puberty and then the group was separated by sex for an additional session to ask question etc.

I feel sorry for that kid - will he expect to get a period? I hope his parents are explaining the physical reality to him.

OP, I would just make sure your child knows the biological reality and your family's position. Although (if things continue as they are) prepare for being called wrong and a bigot when they reach teenage years.

Even if he was on puberty blockers he would still never go through a female puberty.

A quick Google should hopefully satisfy those who think I've fabricated this entire scenario...

Of course YANBU.
What the law says, is not necessarily what happens.

Well by putting him in with real girls surely he's going to have an awful revelation that the things being discussed - menstruation etc - won't happen to him!
That's not going to help his mental health is it!

I agree with others when they say that they shouldn't be separated. Learning about biology is important, and maybe if more stuff wasn't segregated in schools, we wouldn't end up with men who think that we can hold in our periods like wee, or that we piss out of our vaginas.

I understand the stuff about kids not feeling comfortable asking questions in front of the other sex though, and what's going on at the OP's school is wrong - if you are going to segregate, then it does need to be by sex.

A boy identifying as a girl is never going to go through female puberty, but, with restrictions on puberty blockers, they are going to start going through male puberty. They're never going to have to worry about periods, or smear tests, but they are going to need to know about their own biology. It's doing a massive disservice to the boy.

And obviously it's doing a massive disservice to every single girl. If the entire point of segregating is so that they feel comfortable asking questions, doesn't having a boy in there - even one identifying as a girl - completely tender that moot? Isn't it possible that, for some girls, having a bit dressed as a girl in a lesson about female biology going to make them feel even more awkward?

"she will be well aware that trans and non binary people are not biologically the same as cis people."

Please enlighten us, what biological differences are there?

I don't understand why anyone would think this is a positive thing for him. In the class are they just going to pretend that he'll get a period too? Why would anyone do that to a confused child?

The "DfE Guidance on Gender Questioning Children" was a draft guidance which went out for consultation in December 2023. It was never to be actioned. From September 2026 the new Keeping Children Safe in Education document has statutory points about supporting this cohort of children. It does not say that primary aged children should not socially transition, it says (as with all safeguarding decisions) the child should be at the centre of decisions which should be made on a case-by-case basis. At primary age, parents should be involved. (Also ideally at secondary too, but risk of harm must be weighed up).

This child has clearly socially transitioned with parental support, therefore the school have acted in accordance with the statutory documentation available. (Prior to this publication there was NO statutory guidance, merely a draft guidance which was never made it to publication, which schools should never have done more with other than responding to the consultation).

However, I have never come across segregation of RSHE in Year 4, and actually it is considered to be at best poor practice, and at worst discriminatory, to separate lessons by sex in a mixed-sex setting.

Interestingly his parents still use he/him pronouns but I guess they thought he'd be too uncomfortable with the boys. From what my daughter tells me, the kids who've not known him since infant school just assume he's a girl. I suppose it feels a bit like school's already putting male discomfort above female discomfort, and the precedent that sets worries me.

For this talk in 1990 when I was 9, we were separated, and last year my DD was. She actually commented ‘I’m so glad it wasn’t in front of the boys’. I agree both sexes need to learn about the experience of the other, but they can do this without having to hear about intimate things that they find embarrassing, in front of the opposite sex.

That poor child. As pps have said, he is learning about a puberty that he’ll never have, for a pretence that he is a female which he’ll never be, and the girls including your DD are props in this disturbing psychodrama. I think I might need to say something to the school.

It’s not inclusive at all. Try and think beyond the immediate picture the OP has painted.

By including a biological male, they are excluding any biological female who doesn’t feel comfortable discussing her periods in the presence of a teenage boy, whatever he happens to be wearing.

It’s teaching those girls that they need to sit down, budge over and shut up when they see a biological male in a supposed single sex environment.

And that boys with short hair and wearing trousers can’t possibly learn about periods, but if one of those same boys wears a skirt and grows his hair, he suddenly becomes female.

Personally, I think that boys should definitely learn about periods and pregnancy etc. Not with the girls because teenagers turn embarrassment into an art form and it stops genuine questions. But they do need to learn, after they’ve learnt about their own biology.

We're on an anonymous forum and none of us other than OP know this child.

He is a biological male and he can call himself whatever he likes but other people who don't even know him don't have to put up with the delusion and him calling himself she doesn't change the facts.

OP can call him whatever she likes on an anonymous forum and so can anyone else on here because he will never see it and we still have free will.

People saying that they think puberty should be taught in sex-segregated classes can have an opinion, but this isn't the advice of the DfE.

Absolutely this.

Have you ever met any children?

Have you ever met any children?

The parents don’t get to “state” any such thing.

"Unless your daughter is an idiot she will be well aware that trans and non binary people are not biologically the same as cis people".

How are they biologically different, pray?

Who’s the idiot here, I wonder?

Don’t think it’s op’s daughter 😂

I think the falsehood refers to him being told he will have a female puberty now because he identifies as a girl, when he won't. That's not bigotry