To think that if a man doesnt see his child for a period of 14 days (bar exceptional circumstances/agreed holidays/court agreed schedules) then they should lose parental responsibility?

[hotmumshit]

Saw a woman online who cant take her 4 kids on holiday as their dad refuses to give permission, despite him not seeing the kids or paying maintenance

'Equality for dads' has really served to oppress women further

Yes “someone else”
supposedly

I sort of agree, op, though don’t think I’d put the limit at 14 days.

I think it should be much easier to get parental responsibility downgraded (maybe not removed entirely, but a voice that is officially minority) for fathers who don’t turn up to contact, who won’t go to hospital appointments, do homework with their kids, etc. And much more automatic authority (like being able to take them abroad for holidays, choose the school, move, etc.) when contact is, at the father’s choice, less than once a month.

But it probably does need to be ratified by a court of some sort.

Well, after months and months of mediation with two different mediators, the absolute most my DH's ex would allow him to see his children was every third weekend (no back story of violence, abuse etc.) - this might blow your mind OP, but not every dad is a deadbeat twat who doesn't want to see his children and not every mother is a put-upon saint happily facilitating contact.

@hotmumshit
I personally think he brings nothing to their lives. At the moment he does 3 hours per month but eldest refuse to see him. I’d rather he was dead and just left me to it TBH

its common for mums to block access. All you need to do is not be there as arranged. This is allowed to go on for ages before any interventions. Even if it does get to court all that happens is a schedule is put together . Then mum simply isn’t there again. It can literally go on for years and years and courts are very reluctant to put mums in jail for this or remove the child from
their care so in reality yes a dad can go to court for access but in reality it costs a fortune , mum is never penalised and child is alienated.

This is a slippery slope though - how about if you are a mum who wants to take your kids away for 3 weeks, or even 2 weeks that includes the weekends - the dad could then take the mum to court to try to stop her preventing the access - is this really a good situation for parents to be dragging each other to court more than they have to do already?

Crap dads will be crap whatever mitigations or punishments are put in place.

Someone in my family was married to a guy who I personally think is a plank - however he paid his maintenance on time, and turned up 3 times a week to pick the kids up for 15 years until the youngest was 18 (also took them on holiday as well). Personally I don't like him, but I admire that he didn't shirk his responsibilities.

This...and they don't get help to get somewhere big enough to have their kids if they are low waged. Can't have kids in some grotty HMO and thats another obstruction. Yes, complete deadbeats deserve a harder time than they get. Those who don't want to be deadbeat need a little help to make it work regardless of the relationship with ex.

It’s not agreed on unless both partners agree. As in, if he unilaterally goes off camping and leaves the mum fed up with the DC yet again.

Again, the DC aren’t left alone dumbass, they’re left with mum or dad.

No, it depends on the circumstances.

No because the taxpayer doesn’t want to pay to enforce this and it would lead to a huge surge in the courts.

No, if he makes clear he will be camping, and will not be available for said pre agreed week-end, then thats his business. In the same way that if the mother isnt available, she needs to make arrangements for the care of her child

Dumbarse.

Thats the current system 😳

So he needs to go to court or he’s the arse

but the woman who couldn’t be bothered to spend a couple of hundred to take her kids away is a saint

you’re on a wind up. Nice try

What??? 😩😩

A mum of 4 kids, who is exhausted and mentally drained isnt the same as the man described

This is an old thread anyway, I've moved on but I am correct.

I totally get your broader point OP that men who don't do any meaningful parenting shouldn't also get to control things. But I do think the 14 days is a bit bonkers and obviously wouldn't work. 😂But I agree with the sentiment!

no you’re not, it’s a batshit proposal, rightly called that by the vast majority of posters.

but yeah, move on.

💐🙄

If we didnt see our kids for more than 14 days (residential mums only. Not mums who have kids at boarding school) we'd have them taken off of us! And rightly so

Mums still have to work and do all that men do as well!

😄 I understand people being shocked by 14 days

But i see it as aggressive support of mens rights to parent their kids #fathers4justice

No fan of fathers for justice.

That movement has set women so far back its a joke.

You wouldn’t have them taken off you if they were with someone else!! If they stayed with their dad for 2 weeks you wouldn’t be advocating a mum losing her rights.

If this was how it was when I was growing up, neither of my parents would have had parental responsibility for very long.

Both my parent would dump my siblings and I on others just because they didn't feel like it for a while, until I was a young teenager when I was just left regularly for weeks at a time.

I've no strong feelings on this, other than whether anyone who could remove parental responsibility or remove kids from the home would consider it neglect depends on the postcodes involved IME.

I do believe there are circumstances where the man stops the mother taking the child abroad. It happened to my friend, she just couldn’t go abroad because her ex said no, but I couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t just take the daughter abroad.

Did he need to sign something? Is it because they were married? I couldn’t figure out the exact blockage. I know with my friend it was more about her ex being psycho enough to threaten to make a complaint and claim “abduction” if she took the child out the country - but I think it’s somehow sorted now but it was a massive issue when they first broke up as he was making lots of threats.

I was a single parent with my first and took her everywhere and anywhere I wanted to as I pleased. We even have different surnames, I just made sure I had her birth certificate with me but they never questioned it. Her dad was too self centred to care where I took her - I definitely think he should have lost parental responsibility as he didn’t see us once through covid and we’ve seen him about 3 times since 2021/lockdown lifted. But it annoys me that he could claim parental responsibility at any moment. Even though he does less than a caring stranger.

It's illegal to take a child abroad without other parent's permission. Many people do anyway, like you did, but they can be stopped at the border and asked for a letter from other parent.

Does verbal agreement count?