AIBU to feel uncomfortable about anti-English vibes from family?

[Notcominhomenow]

I'm English, my DH is Argentinian, and we have a 2-year-old DS.

I've always got on well with his family and we've visited them a few times or theyve come here. I speak the language fluently and am fairly integrated in that sense. DH has lived in the UK for 13 years and has always been very clear that he'd never move back to Argentina because of the economic situation there.

This week's football match was the first time England and Argentina have played each other since we've been together. I supported England (as I always would) and DH supported Argentina. Neither of us are particularly hardcore football fans, so we watched it without any issues like mature adults.

The wider family has been a different story though. My BIL and some of DH's cousins have been sharing anti-English posts on social media, "The Falklands are Argentinian" posts, and videos in the family WhatsApp group after the match showing people in DH's hometown chanting that the Falklands belong to Argentina and waving inflammatory flags. It's a very conservative small town.

I genuinely can't imagine my own family sharing any anti-Argentinian content or trying to inflame tensions like that if the situation were reversed.

I've never had particularly strong feelings about the Falklands issue or cared that much, but I can't help feeling there's just no need for thus politicisation of a sport. Most of the people posting are the younger members of the family, but they seem to have forgotten that both me and DS are English. It just feels unnecessary and, if I'm honest, a bit disrespectful. The older ones haven't said anything or have been more diplomatic.

It's also made me wonder about the future. Am I being unreasonable to worry that, as DS gets older, they might try to influence him with those kinds of views? I obviously expect him to know and appreciate both sides of his heritage, but I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone trying to push very political or nationalistic opinions onto him.

We were due to sort an Argentinian passport for DS (already has British and Italian) but now I don't feel that enthusiastic about the whole thing. Dh isn't bothered about the citizenship, it was mainly me who was driving it so he'd have more options when he's older.

Would this bother anyone else, or am I overthinking it? I just feel a bit shit and uncomfortable about the whole thing and that a stupid football match has brought out a very ugly side of people I considered family.

I don't really want to turn it into an issue as if these are personal posts meant for me, DH says its young family members being immature. I've muted everyone on social media for now for the foreseeable so I don't have to see anything else.

I think you've done the right thing muting them. Deleting those family members is another option as you don't have to be linked to them on social media. You could keep the older ones who've been fine with you

I recommend reading some basic history of the Falklands. It should take you less than 15 minutes, and will hopefully stop you embarrassing yourself.

Good luck telling them that. They see it very differently. Two completely different versions of history

Yes I might have to just delete them. Best thing really

It would be quite odd for the Argentinians to regret the loss of territory that has never belonged to them.

Should it?

Why don’t you ask the Falkland Islanders if they want to be British or Argentinian?

Some of these responses are beyond ridiculous and clearly written by people who’ve likely never heard of the Falkland Islands before the Argentinian fans started banner waving. Stop trying to be woker than woke and see the situation for how it is.

Jesus, I remember the night England beat Germany 5-1 in a QUALIFYING match. The whole bloody country went mad. Celebrated like they had won the bloody thing. Lots of violent behaviour too. Plenty of renditions of the 10 German bombers song from England fans throughout the years. That along with the No surrender to the IRA is their go to.

Farage's tweet and gingoistic behaviour with his reference to 1982 hasn't helped. The media helped hype up the all England had to do was turn up attitude. That along with the arrogance and sense of entitlement has been 🤮. Looking at social media people across the board other than England fans are celebrating.

They are factually wrong and you wouldn't be wrong for telling them that (though you won't)

No yanbu, I would keep them at arms length from your son so they can't poison his mind with their inaccurate version of history.

I find online is often worse than in person. People feel freer to say horrible stuff and due to the anonymity there are also people there just looking to stir up trouble/distress.

I was already going to post but I can sort of sympathise with how you feel because my family are mixed race and there was a noticeable rise in spicy opinions that unsettled me because they are about, in some instances, my children. Fortunately most of the people I knew weren't like that, but there was one family member that I reduced contact with a little because I don't want my children being made to feel inferior. They were super old though, I think it's harder if it's kids because it feels like people are becoming more radical not less. It's unsettling when it's a general change in temperature within the population but I think worse if it's family members. And much harder when it's a general movement not just one person.

I sometimes find that with extended family, it's actually fear of real issues that will affect them personally-do you think this could be the case? Or is it not at all in your sitaution?
Eg, some of mine think the west are too quick to abandon family/not care for each other, and they sometimes mask this with "jokes" about how America, and now Britain, is full of vain people who spend their whole lives putting themselves first, and put their prom/social media posts above family duty. Most of them DON'T think this, btw.

But that’s exactly what a lot of the hate is about

country a takes over part of country b and the respects country b to be happy and polite at all times , refusing to acknowledge the fact that they are not happy about it even if it doesn’t bother you - of course it doesn’t !

it’s like person a abusing person b- stealing some jewels- no one would expect person a to forget about it even if b is happy they get to wear the jewels all the time

Yeah don't think it's best topic of conversation at next family dinner tbh

Yes, to be completely fair, we kind of do. ‘Two world wars and one World Cup, doo dah, doo dah’. And I definitely remember some of us bringing up the Falklands when that cheating swine did the ‘hand of God’ thing.

I really don’t think any of it is aimed at you personally. I doubt you’ve even entered their thoughts. As a nation, they’re still very touchy about us refusing to hand them back over. And I think that’s something that’s encouraged in Argentina because if everyone is whipping themselves into a frenzy about some islands inhabited by Brits and penguins, they won’t be looking too closely at what else is going on in Argentina. Our government does it to us about other things. Remember that vile comment about it being ‘a good day to bury bad news’? Try and let it go over your head.

Why not, if that's what's fuelling some of the sentiment that's bothering you?

The "hand of God" bollocks happened only four years after the Falklands war, to be fair. Not forty.

I know it's not personal. No one has ever been horrid to me face to face but I just imagine DS in a few years if he hears a 'if you don't jump, youre English' chant.

Is he going to feel bad for being English or feel like he has to hide it? I'd hate for him to go full Argentinian on me and hate his English side

Why are you worrying that your husband's family will try to influence your son in years to come? I mean, it could happen, but it's so far in the future it doesn't seem worth giving a second thought to it now. And TBH it would be good for your son to be aware of alternative points of view when he is old enough, rather than automatically accepting one perspective.

I always thought that the English took losing well, but the responses to the loss of this match have been quite shocking. That isn't directed at you @Notcominhomenow but the sour grapes, poor sportsmanship, and downright racism I've seen have been quite appalling. I don't really care about football, but these reactions certainly make me want to support Argentina in the final.

So the people who live there have no choice? They all want to be British. You have a weirdly anti English colonialist view many middle class white Brits have. Learn some history eh?

Yes. Yes we do. A very common chant is “One World Cup, and Two World Wars”. And that is about the politest chant you will hear when England play Germany.

They also have the, sadly not rare, ignorance of thinking British and English are synonyms.

Yeah if they’re that angry why live here?!

The family sound pretty crazy posting that in your WhatsApp.

@Notcominhomenow I personally wouldn't get your son an Argentine passport OP. I know it's tenuous but he could be subject to military conscription in a national emergency and it isn't exactly the most stable country. He may also be subject to double taxation. You are also unable to ever renounced Argentinian citizenship, it's non-negotiable. I think on balance the potential pitfalls of being an Argentine citizen outweigh any advantages to be honest.

So the principle of self determination counts for nothing?

Just for clarity I don't have a strong opinion on the status of the faulklands. However it is highly annoying that people don't recognise the nuance of the situation.

There are 2 legitimate and competing principles here. Both are legitimate.

erm...Ten German Bombers?

Fgs. The Falklands have never been part of Argentina. It is impossible for them to have been taken from the Argentinians.