AIBU to ask for more flexibility before accepting this job offer?

[Aabbaas]

Have an offer from a company. Been in my role for years and I have lots of flexibility with my working hours which is key as I have a 5 year old DD and do school runs etc.

Role is hybrid: 2 days at home, 3 days in the office. Office is in a part of London which isn’t convenient for me and would mean commuting for 1 hr 45 min door to door.
Day starts at 8:30 to 5:30 but they have made it clear it’s busy so I think extra hours are expected.

I can only consider this role if they allowed me to work from home 3 days a week and start at 9am most days and theb leave at 4pm when in the office and do the pick up. Then I’d reconnect in the evening to finish work.
Is this an unreasonable request? It is what ai do with my employer but have earnt this flexibility over a long tenure and I appreciate a new company might think IABU.

Keen to hear thoughts

You don’t know or understanding anything about my DH’s job situation so don’t make assumptions please.

But my request would be to leave the officw at 4pm only 2 daya a week. The rest of days if WFH i wouldn’t need to leave early

It depends how senior you are and what the company culture is like. It’s also going to be give and take. My company (huge American) is strict on 4 days in the office however very flexible with hours. They will not accept flexible working requests for under 4 days in office unless you have a very good reason (childcare is not a reason).
Day to day we all work whatever hours we choose, but I am very senior and will log back on late at night so it works for them to allow me the flexibility. I wouldn’t be able to leave at 4 every office day though, as my workload wouldn’t allow it.
I would bring this up with them but I’m not sure you will get all the requests.

Some responses are so harsh!

OP I think it’s worth asking. Lots of jobs will allow this flexibility. Depending on the role can any of it be done whilst commuting? Can you catch up on emails or notes or something on the train?

it’s so hard juggling everything isn’t it.

the other option is to work more hours on the wfh days so that you can leave at 4 on the office ones. That may soften it for them.

Hi OP, do they have core hours? Can you commit to working those? How different is that to the hours being proposed? Also, so they expect you to take a lunch break? Could you work through it? If your service line is niche you may have more clout.

It’s not that easy for people to change jobs!! And why should he. If the family are happy then it’s none of your business what he does.

some jobs are easier to work around and be flexible. Some aren’t.

I think you need to ask if it's the arrangement you need, as long as you can continue in your current role if they say no. It might be fine (depends on the job) and if you don't ask you'll never know!

It doesn't sound like the right job for you.
Are you able to work on your commute - as that would gain you a lot of extra time each day?

I would just ask, they can say no and then at least you know? I’ve just got a new role and discussed hours at the offer point and they’ve agreed to the flexibility I needed to work around school pick up some days which was a deal breaker for me.

What you’re asking for would mean making up 7 hours each week - 30 minute late start each day and then 90 minutes x 2 on your office days. And it’s a job where you think you’ll need to work over your hours to cover the workload. Thats a lot of evening working - how will you find time to do that?

In all honesty I think it’s too much flex. Starting a bit later, reducing your office days or leaving early each on their own aren’t a big deal but all three is quite a bit of flex. Presumably they recruited to the job they need, and they don’t know your track record so have no reason to trust that you’ll be able to work your hours effectively.

I’d be very cautious OP. Once you’re through the door these things have a habit of breaking down and if it’s unworkable for you, you may well be left in a very difficult position

This is exactly what I was going to say. How do you expect this to work in a practical sense. It wouldn’t be an option at my workplace to flex to this degree, but every workplace is different and I don’t live in London so no one commutes 4 hours a day.

could you drop to part time shorter days and ask for that instead?

You can ask but be prepared to get off to a bad start with other colleagues even if they do approve it, as they are likely to be pissed off unless everyone is enjoying the same level of flexibility. I wouldn’t approve this as a manger, two days working from home is already very flexible but you’re asking for late starts every day, an extra day WFH AND early finishes the two days you are in the office, it’s a bit ridiculous really unless you are in very high demand in an ultra niche area.

What to lose by asking? Just ask worst they can say is no.

The OP didn't say what her husband earned.
Possibly her husband has a well paying job that they don't want to jeopardize.
When I was working I would never have asked my DH to do pick ups and drop offs. I made it work with my job. I actually even took a paycut when I took my job because of the flexibility it had.

Well we need kids for life ;)

Employers can be very short sighted. I used to work somewhere years ago (so before flexible working and Covid) and they were so rigid with days and times they would end up loosing very good staff they’d trained. Barely any women went back after mat leave. When they could have just allowed more job shares or planning more morning meetings etc

My family member worked in a much more flexible industry and it was so much better. No one in senior jobs was checking if someone was sat at a desk for the sake of it until a certain time. Whereas I remember one woman in my job leaving who was great at her job because she felt like we were being treated like kids at school.

One thing to mention, and one way to 'win' 30minutes back is that most roles have a 1hour unpaid lunch break in those work hours. I have successfully negotiated a 30minute lunch break (legally it is 20minutes), so that gives me an extra 30minutes I wouldn't need to find at a different time.

I think it's worth asking, OP. If they say no, then it's not workable for you. Are there any advantages to this role, over your current role, which is really flexible? It might just be an issue of timing and needing your DC to be a bit older. One hour 45 mins is a long commute - I know it's London, but it's a lot.

So many Mothers are breaking themselves trying to do all child stuff and have careers. It will take men demanding more flex in their work in order to change this. Only IME they don’t want to. Both the men doing the work and the men in charge of the men doing the work.

Yes, many jobs have to be done on site, mine is one of them but I only took it after I negotiated flex to be able to do my share of school runs. I’m sure that was easier because I’m a Mother. But it was a non negotiable for me and I was the best person for the job.

There is a whole lot more flexibility that could and should be given to everyone. Many jobs that aren’t flexible are not flexible because the employers are shortsighted or because no one (men) asked!

That is how you recruit and retain the best (especially female) candidates. But that will take systemic shift and no one will push for it.

Sorry, that’s no help to the initial post but this situation so many women are in massively pisses me off

OP flexible working is a day one right and therefore you should absolutely ask, they can only say no. I think we are so outdated in our view of flexibility and allowing people work/life balances, if you are right for the role then they will make it work. If they can't accommodate then you'll stay where you are.

The only assumptions this poster is making is what you have rold us. Your DH does not ern highly and has an inflexible job.

I think you should definitely ask, given the circumstances. I’m in a similar boat and have been told I have specific WFH days after probation which I think is reasonable. It’s still not as flexible as my current where, like
you, I have earned a lot of flexibility and autonomy over the years. But ultimately there are good reasons for me to take this role and I’ve figured that relatively less flexibility is something I can swallow in my circumstances.

if it’s not possible for you (which is what it sounds like) then there is no point taking a job that won’t give you the flexibility you need if it’s an absolute necessity. And that’s ok. But I get it’s frustrating feeling that you’ve left a good job on the table because your personal circumstances can’t accommodate. Very different to job hunting in my 20s and had no kids!

You can ask. They can say no.

But it's probably worth an ask.

Everyone saying that you can't finish that early is wrong. Problems can come up at any time of the day even after 5pm! I finish at 3pm and the sky has not fallen in yet.

It sounds as though you would have to refuse the job if this isn’t possible, so you lose nothing by asking.