AIBU to ask for more flexibility before accepting this job offer?

[Aabbaas]

Have an offer from a company. Been in my role for years and I have lots of flexibility with my working hours which is key as I have a 5 year old DD and do school runs etc.

Role is hybrid: 2 days at home, 3 days in the office. Office is in a part of London which isn’t convenient for me and would mean commuting for 1 hr 45 min door to door.
Day starts at 8:30 to 5:30 but they have made it clear it’s busy so I think extra hours are expected.

I can only consider this role if they allowed me to work from home 3 days a week and start at 9am most days and theb leave at 4pm when in the office and do the pick up. Then I’d reconnect in the evening to finish work.
Is this an unreasonable request? It is what ai do with my employer but have earnt this flexibility over a long tenure and I appreciate a new company might think IABU.

Keen to hear thoughts

Well we coped with it with mums (mainly) working reduced hours or leaving their careers. I am so glad Covid came and made flexible working and working from home acceptable (not glad of covid itself)

People on here get so fucking butt-hurt about women asking for flexibility at work.

Why not ask for part time? Its less of a piss take if you want reduced hours and fairer on full time colleagues who can commit more.

If you don't ask you won't get!

When I was offered the job I asked for one less day in the office and they instantly came back to say yes. Turns out although the official policy is 3, plenty in the team were doing two anyway.

Op first of all have a discussion with them - I suspect the answer will be no if these arrangements aren’t available to other employees but it is worth asking.

if they do say yes get it in writing. If they are enforcing this working pattern for others, your arrangements will attract a lot of attention. You may find they row back on any verbal agreement for the sake of employee relations

This!

I work in central London and I leave at 4:30pm on the days in the office in order to pick DD5 up by 6pm. I also work 0.8 FTE in order to have that flexibility because most of my colleagues work a full day and can’t be fannying round waiting for me to log back on again on an evening to have a meeting/answer a question/whatever. Perhaps this would be an option.

There is no harm in asking.

I lost out on a great job opportunity asking for flexibility for school runs. I'm glad I didn't get the job in all honesty but I wasn't at the time.
They stated 'flexible hybrid working' on the application, but actually weren't when I pushed them on it during the interview.
You are welcome to ask, but I doubt entirely they'd agree to it especially on the interim for training.

It totally depends how senior it is: I’m more likely to flex on the number of days in the office to be fair. I would consider 2 days in office but I would expect you around until 530 on all days.

In my work flexible hybrid means you have to work core hours (10-12 and 2-4) and 40% in the office.

it seems to be increasingly difficult to find a truly flexible (I.e come and go as you wish) employer.

Yes ask. It's not unreasonable to ask, and isn't unreasonable to turn down the job if they refuse.

YANBU to ask. In fact, this is precisely the right time to negotiate contractual terms. You don’t accept the contract and try to negotiate afterwards.

It will depend on how strongly preferred you are and how hardline they are in their policies.

However I do agree with others that have said you might be better asking for slightly reduced hours. Personally I think making up time in the evening, well outside of a normal working day, is unlikely to be a goer for most employers.

Ask for it, OP.

if they want you enough, they’ll flex. They can only say no. And perhaps they’ll compromise.

is it a role you really want?

I have to say - I hate the 8.30 start in general - you need to really be in for at least 8.15, which really does cause issues for working parents as most childcare does not open at 7.00.

my kids are grown now and I never take the feeling of being able to get the office as early as I need for granted 💕

Bucking the trend…. I applied for a full time job and made it clear at interview stage that I needed flexibility to do school runs every day and that I only wanted 4 days at that time. They made it work. I dedicated myself to the role and I’m still there years later.

Who are these “people”? Because I do way more hours WFH than I ever did in the office. After a 90 minute commute home, I’m not turning on my PC, when WFH I rarely finish at my allotted time, I just keep going until what I’m doing is finished. If you are relying on “sending a message” to staff by encouraging presenteesim, you are not getting the best out of your workforce.

Shy bairns get nowt. If I were a hiring manager I'd say yes!

It depends on how valuable are your skills and how much the company needs them.
MN is a bit weird and conservative when it comes to wfh and flexibility not sure why, bitterness in some people I guess.
Back in the real world in our company they're very flexible and want to keep and attract good people and aren't bothered about clocking hours. Not when it's a factory or hotel or smt of course.

It’s a shame because that rules out anyone with kids tbh who is the main carer. Unless you’re paying wages so they can employ a nanny.

I don't think it's unreasonable per se. It depends entirely on the needs of the company. They may say no. I guess if they are already a fairly flexible employer, they maybe fine with it. If they are not, they may say no and be quite annoyed with you for getting to offer stage without being able to take the job as it is...but I guess if you walk then you having annoyed them doesn't really matter. Also I'd advise NOT mentioning that your husband doesn't have flexibility unless he's a surgeon or something.

This is irritating to read OP.

It’s absolutely reasonable to ask for some further flexibility but this is taking the piss. Start later, finish earlier, pick up work later, extra day wfh.

That’s too far a gap between the offer & what you want.

I’m a single parent to three, always needed to manage childcare solo. It limited my career choices which of course is unfair & I’ve still been fortunate to have a professional rewarding role - but undoubtedly I’d have been at a higher level / other job if circumstances were different.

You have 1 DC & a spouse. The reality of having children is that you work out a plan for caring children and work arrangements between you. You cannot have it all - that’s ‘you’ plural. Both you & DH need to make the best possible arrangement for you both individually and as a family.

And to be fair that’s life. There is no way many businesses can operate with not being able to have meetings from 3pm. If on WFH days someone wants to nip out to school and pick up their kids and can then work, say with kids 8+ no problem but yes, I would absolutely not be able to allow someone to finish at 4pm 5 days a week. Maybe we could agree a compromise on say, a Monday or Friday but in my organisation it would impact on the business for senior people not to be around from 4pm.

Well, you can ask. If you're going to have to decline the job otherwise, then what harm is asking going to do.

I strongly doubt what you're requesting will be agreed. They may counter offer with 3 days in the office with part time (9-4) hours and 2 days ft (8.30-5.30) WfH (with the corresponding pay cut). Would that work for you? (So dropping 6hrs pay per week).

It totally depend if the role requires meetings and collaboration. If it’s a stand alone role the flex probably works. If it’s a role which will need meetings and collaboration then however good the person is then of thy can’t be around, 3 day a week after 4pm it’s a problem that could impact other employees and the operation of the business

I don’t think it’s bad to ask for flexibility at all, but I do get butt hurt when there are two parents and one is free to have a non-flexible job with long hours and low pay and because of that the other parent has to be around for every single drop off and pick up and thus compromise their career. OPs partner needs to change his job so he can reliably share the load.