AIBU to ask for more flexibility before accepting this job offer?

[Aabbaas]

Have an offer from a company. Been in my role for years and I have lots of flexibility with my working hours which is key as I have a 5 year old DD and do school runs etc.

Role is hybrid: 2 days at home, 3 days in the office. Office is in a part of London which isn’t convenient for me and would mean commuting for 1 hr 45 min door to door.
Day starts at 8:30 to 5:30 but they have made it clear it’s busy so I think extra hours are expected.

I can only consider this role if they allowed me to work from home 3 days a week and start at 9am most days and theb leave at 4pm when in the office and do the pick up. Then I’d reconnect in the evening to finish work.
Is this an unreasonable request? It is what ai do with my employer but have earnt this flexibility over a long tenure and I appreciate a new company might think IABU.

Keen to hear thoughts

It really isn't and it quickly becomes exhausting.

If you would turn the job down if they are unable to be flexible, then I can’t see any downside to asking. So I don’t really see the dilemma.

I don’t think 9-5 as a standard working day has existed for about 10 years! Certainly not outside the public sector.

There’s no assumptions being made. It’s question being asked and the employer can answer any which way they want.

For all they know she could have got a competitive offer from another company and be seeing if they would match terms before making a decision.

Negotiating pay and working terms is where you have to represent yourself - no one is going to offer you an extra £10k because you were an outstanding candidate, same applies to flexible working.

If they don’t have a suitable reserve candidate then they would have had to re-advertise anyway as they didn’t find anyone appointable, aside from her.

I am SO productive in the later evening. Nobody mithering me on Teams constantly or endless emails coming through to distract.

Yes it might be tough shit for the other staff but it’s also tough shit for the OP if she gets off on the wrong foot with her colleagues.

Also people saying no harm in asking - I think that they may look unfavourably upon someone asking for the job to work around their lives when they haven’t proven themselves.

It depends on the type of job. If it takes a lot of meetings, collaboration with colleagues, deadlines during the day etc, then obviously it wouldn't work.

But if someone works mostly independently and their limited interaction with others is easily managed during their daytime hours, then does it really matter that they do some hours in the evening?

In some jobs, there are so many (often unnecessary) interruptions during the working day, that working at an evening actually means the person can concentrate uninterrupted better.

In terms of this job, the OP can ask, and take it from there.

Same at DH’s work. A woman asked to leave early every day to collect her children and agreed to also start early to make up the time so they agreed. She never turns up early and always leaves early. Some people are CFs.

I am so surprised by all these negative answers as my company is incredibly accommodating. I have lots of ex colleagues bow working in other firms in the same industry as well as friends/parents at aschool who all have very similar arrangements to mine so I didn’t think it was uncommon for parents to have this level of flexibility as pretty much everyone around me with an office job does.

Re DH, people keep making assumptions. His job cannot be done remotely so can only work onsite (in the sense that the job does not exist if not done onsite, not because they are not flexible) and he has very specific start and closing times that are not to be negotiated. His usually manages the drop off most mornings, however, I do have to sometimes do it and need to know I can expect the flexibility to take DD to school, which is difficult if day starts at 8:30.

I think I will ask the question and if they say no they say no.

I would ask

employers are slowly becoming more parent friendly

i personally wouldnt even interview for jobs on the wrong side of town for my commute. They have to be near my stations

Oh my god, I know! People are like "just decline, they won't do it". How would you even know if you don't ask?

I went for my dream role 10 years ago. It was a full time position, building out a new team. I asked in the interview if they would consider 4 days as my son was only 18 months. And they did! They agreed for me to be the very first part time worker in the company - because they wanted me. If I'd asked on here before I went to the interview loads of people would be telling me to withdraw my application.

If they want you OP then they might well consider it. There is no harm in asking at all.

Yea you should ask. It would be a shame to leave your flexible job on the assumption that you can negotiate flexibility at the new one later, to then find out that they won’t do it. Also I think employers tend to respect people who stand up for themselves and won’t get pushed around by silly policies. There is no reason anyone needs to start work at 8:30 unless it is a specific meeting you've agreed to do. But on a daily basis it’s just inflexibility. Any reasonable employee would agree.

Women having to ask for flexibility is just another indicator to an employer that we are somehow still less than our male counterparts.

Or, its shows that if companies want to employ the absolute best people, they need to consider flexible working.

If employers have a business that can be flexible surely they should just become flexible for all? Why just parents? A company really should just be “adult life friendly” surely?

Depends how they define ‘best’ I suppose. Someone who is forever having to drop things and dash off because little Johnny is being sent home from school sick or someone who can’t work a minute outside their core hours would have to be spectacular at their job to balance out the inconvenience to others.

Not in the real world unfortunately. Companies can be parent-friendly but then the slack is picked up by the non parents.

Flexibility for all is a long way off.

Christ alive. Where have you worked to have this opinion of part time women workers? Why would it only up to the Mum to do any of these things? If it is, why can she not pick up the slack later on? I have worked in senior roles since I've had kids, and as per my first post, I was given the first part time role in the company to accommodate my needs. I'm still at the company now, 10 years later. That what happens when you're the best person for the job. They make it work.

I agree. How many men would apply for a full time job and then ask if they could finish at 3 to pick the kids up? Or any other flexible scenario. I’d say zero.

Of course you should ask.
No harm at all.
How annoying to go through the whole process only to find out now that it will be hard to juggle.

If they are very inflexible it could be the nod you need not to accept.
Good luck.

Disagree. If we want equality we have to be willing to put in the hours at work. It’s no good being like oh we’re just as good as our male counterparts, except we want to mostly WFH and start work later than them.

I'm not disagreeing, but the kids still need to be picked up.

So where does that get us?

OP can do this easily in the job she’s currently in so she can stay there if the new one don’t want her to start late and WFH more. It’s ultimately the company’s decision, she can ask but I wouldn’t expect them to accept unless OP is absolutely perfect and no other candidate was up to scratch.

This. My current boss has been in her job 6 months which is also the probation period. She works 2 days a week from home generally but lives close enough so she can come in in 15 mins (driving). She recently negotiated a 4 day week with Fridays off as her elderly mother is very unwell and needs extra help from her. I don’t know if she condenses hours to make up time or not. But this is after a 6 month long stretch and passing probation at 6 month standard period. I think this is fair. Plus, she’s very experienced and has more than settled in and proved herself in the period she’s been there.

If it’s pick up and drop off you need help with then why not do what most people do and utilise breakfast/afterschool clubs with maybe childminder option? That’s what SIL and DB do. Then there’s flex from SIL’s work if she needs to drop off/pick up her eldest at his Monday music class (after school but after after school club) or anything else. Same with DB’s work. SIL works in Farringdon but approx 40 min to 1 hour commute via train. DB can sometimes work in Hackney or Walthamstow or central London similar commute.

You don’t have to do the above forever either, just utilise until you’re bedded into the new job and have passed probation.