I think the answer is a resounding Yes but my gosh what an opportunity to vengefully shit stir ….

[JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel]

Little context

I was helped enormously by the MN community who supported my getting all ducks in a row and eventually leaving abusive/coercive/cheating husband of 18 years.

You also helped me navigate the gruelling 6 year divorce that followed where he kept to ‘script’ and used all the usual tricks a narcissist usually throws at the mother of his children when she leaves and he ends up with no control .

So- we had to navigate cheating threats/occupation/protective orders/ hiding assets leaving me penniless with all the DC who are now 18+ . I have no contact with ex.

Since the start of the break up I moved away and started a completely new life- Ex shacked up with one of the side pieces (there were many) treating her DC better than his own and being very vocal all over SM for his own children to see -

So- one of my newer friends started online dating after her divorce and she matches with my ex - she messaged me straight away and we had a laugh about it and 🤮🤮 at his profile.

Recently after a few wines she asked -shall we see how far he takes it ?

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me

AIBU to print them and send them into Miss Sidepiece?

OR do a jog on and grow up and pretend I wasn’t left penniless, shat on with a massive chip on my shoulder?

Argh! So tempting. I'd scupper his piece of shit life tbh and I'm not normally petty or vengeful at all.

Jog on -
he does not deserve any more of your head space -
don’t remain tethered to him even in revenge

Nor am I but it’s like my body has such a urge to do it

I’m such a rule abider and it was to my cost during our divorce.

I have the angel and devil on my shoulder and neither is shouting louder than the other 🥴

The problem is this stuff just makes you look obsessed - he’ll twist it that you’re the nutty ex.

Just move on. Try to not care what he’s up to

Oh wow it would definitely be very tempting to print them off and send them anonymously ... and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more ...

Nah, fuck him, go nuclear. Send the evidence but make sure it's not traceable to you.

If nothing else she deserves to know he's actively looking for another model and she can go get an STI test for her peace of mind.

Is it possible your friend could show her, one concerned woman nagivating a murky dating pool to another, and keep you out of it?

It might be better for your mental health to just step away, ignore him and let him sew the seeds of his own destruction. If he's cheating presumably his current partner will find out at some point.

I think I'd just walk away and be glad I'm no longer embroiled in his mess.

Print off amd send. No reason he knows who sent them .

They wouldn’t know it was from me 🤔

You describe him as abusive and coercive. You have worked so hard to break clean from him and build a new life. As angry as you must feel for what he did to you, I feel like it is very risky for you to do anything now that brings your past life into your new life.

Your new life is clean and healthy without him, don’t sully it by having anything to do with him, even to give him a taste of his own medicine. Walk away.

I’d do it, wouldn’t be able to stop myself. Wouldn’t feel guilty about it either.

The legacy he left ME with was an STI but I don’t actually care about her health and well being - I’d be doing this to hurt her. I can see that with clarity ☺️

sorry that was a bit drip feedy

This seems a good idea

My friend doesn’t know his new partner - we live in completely different towns 40 minutes apart- so that wouldn’t work

Gawd, if it were me I know I should be the bigger person, yadda, yadda.

But....

Same!

OW will know what he’s like anyway.

Your ex knows what your friend looks like and her name, don’t put her in any danger or at risk of revenge by egging her on to give you the screenshots.

Plus he will know you still think about him.

It’s sad that more than 6 years after you split… you are still spending time thinking about him in any capacity

Send them

Do you mean print them off and post them?

And its not traceable to you?

Im afraid I would act out of character and absolutely do this. Normally I would say no.

You're still tied to him, you're still obsessing about him.

Step away, let him go, focus on something else.

Freedom means not even thinking about what he's doing.

He’s probably fucked countless women over who now have an axe to grind so it’s unlikely your name would even be anywhere near the top of his list of guessing who did it. I wouldn’t be able to resist , personally

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated

what a silly waste of your time

what is clear… is that you’d probably benefit from some therapy to get closure on your ex @JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel

No OP. Let it go.

I know it might feel good to get revenge and all that.

But by going along with this means he is taking up your headspace. He doesn't deserve any if it and I can assure you, it won't make you feel better in the long run.