I think the answer is a resounding Yes but my gosh what an opportunity to vengefully shit stir ….

[JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel]

Little context

I was helped enormously by the MN community who supported my getting all ducks in a row and eventually leaving abusive/coercive/cheating husband of 18 years.

You also helped me navigate the gruelling 6 year divorce that followed where he kept to ‘script’ and used all the usual tricks a narcissist usually throws at the mother of his children when she leaves and he ends up with no control .

So- we had to navigate cheating threats/occupation/protective orders/ hiding assets leaving me penniless with all the DC who are now 18+ . I have no contact with ex.

Since the start of the break up I moved away and started a completely new life- Ex shacked up with one of the side pieces (there were many) treating her DC better than his own and being very vocal all over SM for his own children to see -

So- one of my newer friends started online dating after her divorce and she matches with my ex - she messaged me straight away and we had a laugh about it and 🤮🤮 at his profile.

Recently after a few wines she asked -shall we see how far he takes it ?

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me

AIBU to print them and send them into Miss Sidepiece?

OR do a jog on and grow up and pretend I wasn’t left penniless, shat on with a massive chip on my shoulder?

She know, of course she already know. Side piece knows when there is a new potential side piece in the wings.

Oooohhhhh. Half of me is singing "Let It Go" and the other half is shouting "'e ain't worf it, Trace!" and offering to hold your coat.

So he and the side piece are definitely still together?

Fuck being the bigger person. Be the smaller person!

She may already know about OLD and be either at peace with it or planning to leave.
The people might get hurt if they find out, through arguments or supporting their mother or their world changing are any children involved. Her children had no choice is who their mother got together with (and it doesn’t matter whether they are adults now).

You had moved on, completely try and if you’d just heard you’d have thought something bad about him and moved on. As soon as stringing along etc he definitely had room in your head.

edited to delete word

Oohhhh, I don't think I'd be able to stop myself. I have an inner wicked gremlin that I usually keep well under control, but in this case I'd have to let it loose.

Do it!!

How does a new friend you've made in a different town even know what your ex looks like/enough about him to identify him on OLD?

This. The best revenge is living well. Move on and live your best life.

OP do it.

Ignore the naysayers. I left my abusive husband over 25 years ago and I almost never think about him. I’m very happily married with children and grandchildren BUT if the opportunity to fuck his life up ever presented itself I’d grab it with both hands without a thought.

Does he not know she’s your friend? Or is he that arrogant??

This is so sad 😢

There is such a difference between an abusive man and a narcissistic abusive man

With an abusive man , revenge could ruin his life

With a narcissist , it will only ruin yours

Post his profile on the local are we dating the same guy FB page. Say he’s asking for intimate photos is anyone else speaking to him. Can be done anonymously

The main issue is that he might try and find your mate and take it out on her.

She might know and not care (second wives are more likely to go into things with their eyes open) and you'd look like an oaf. The only way to win is to stop involving him in your life.

There is a huge difference in attitude if you compare cheating wives to cheating husbands
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5544071-should-i-tell-my-husband-about-an-affair-that-ended-last-month?page=1

She’s a very close friend-
id class her as one of my closest mates now . We had a chat such a long time ago about wedding dresses when a mutual friend was marrying annd choosing a frock , we shared pictures and I wanted to see what hers was like . She also mentioned how one of my DS’s had similar features

she told me straight away when he got in contact with her. His name is also very unusual you won’t find very many of them.

WHAT!??

It might be easier on you to limit the amount you discuss your wedding dress, his name etc etc.

You could just tell people you're divorced and prefer to focus on the present.

I do understand how awful your experience was but bringing him into your present is unlikely to be helping.

Why endanger your friend like that? What if he takes his anger out on her?

Post him on prick advisor

Well exactly

but this OP’s just so desperately wants to get back at her ex that she’d take that risk.

I agree probably best to leave it alone but

There are many groups on Facebook set up titled are we dating the same guy. Search for one in the local area.

They were created so woman could warn others of bad experiences or to check if someone they are getting serious with is also dating other people.

if his profile was to end up on one of the local groups chances are someone who knows his current partner would see it and
pass that info over

So not a new friend? As you described in your OP

You have children with him?

And you are planning on this kind of silly dramatic nonsense?

FGS move on. Get therapy

I’m going to listen to PP who suggested going alomg with setting the meeting then send to current side piece who lives with him

the time and effort of all this saga. Seriously, there’s something so cheap about all this. He’s grotty. You married him. You finally divorced him. And yet here you are back in the grottiness and fanning the flames.

This is good advice. Do we let him or her take up any of your head space. I know this is easier said than done, but it is likely better for your mental health moving forward, no matter how tempting it is
Edited typos