I think the answer is a resounding Yes but my gosh what an opportunity to vengefully shit stir ….

[JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel]

Little context

I was helped enormously by the MN community who supported my getting all ducks in a row and eventually leaving abusive/coercive/cheating husband of 18 years.

You also helped me navigate the gruelling 6 year divorce that followed where he kept to ‘script’ and used all the usual tricks a narcissist usually throws at the mother of his children when she leaves and he ends up with no control .

So- we had to navigate cheating threats/occupation/protective orders/ hiding assets leaving me penniless with all the DC who are now 18+ . I have no contact with ex.

Since the start of the break up I moved away and started a completely new life- Ex shacked up with one of the side pieces (there were many) treating her DC better than his own and being very vocal all over SM for his own children to see -

So- one of my newer friends started online dating after her divorce and she matches with my ex - she messaged me straight away and we had a laugh about it and 🤮🤮 at his profile.

Recently after a few wines she asked -shall we see how far he takes it ?

I definitely encouraged it and now it’s escalated - he is asking for intimate photos /wants to meet up and she has shared the requests with me

AIBU to print them and send them into Miss Sidepiece?

OR do a jog on and grow up and pretend I wasn’t left penniless, shat on with a massive chip on my shoulder?

The only reason I would say no is for your well being.

There are lots of shitty people who behave really shittily because of their own issues. His behaviour hurt you but it says nothing about you and who you are as a person or your value.

You are obviously a decent person, doing something that could potentially embroil you again with him could impact on you and set you back in your recovery.

Being himself is his cross to bare in life.

Fair enough - I am all for taking an opportunity to fuck someone over if they deserve it. I just wouldn’t feel right doing it on the quiet as it feels a bit cowardly iyswim

But the op is planning on sending screen shots so the friend will be identified

although hopefully the op has seen sense

I get it OP. But… the best way to deal with this is no reaction. Narcissists want, actually feed off a reaction, good or bad, doesn’t matter to them, it’s the feed they need off a reaction.

I was married to one for over twenty years. I’ve moved on. I’m not just saying I’ve moved on, I absolutely have. He’s in my past and will stay there. My reaction to your friend would be so different to yours. I would have shivered, said, Please, shut that down. If “after a few wines” she said, shall we take this further, I’d have said Do what you want,but I’m out “. And meant it. And not have given it another thought.

You are not at the stage yet, he still had you under his spell. It takes time. They feed off games.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. You're not indifferent.

I can understand the temptation but really, don't. You don't know how either of them will react (unstable, idiotic, horny and traitorous is a dangerous combination and someone might well get physically harmed), if it's traced back to you there'll be a huge amount of shit and drama back with you and while some people will think "go girl", most won't care beyond how much it entertains them.

He's treating her as badly as he treated you and will make her just as miserable without any assistance. They're already in a shitshow of a life. Leave them to it.

All this

Ask your long term friends @JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel and they’ll say the same

Id say you’d be wise to consider exploring therapy

Send them to her. You don’t owe him anything.

Totally agree with every word.
And you can’t feign indifference, but my god when you get there… it’s like the light is shining on a new world. The flip side is the indifference enflames them, but who gives a feck, because you’re indifferent! You’ll see the light, but only when you stop poking the bear.

Have you read the Belle Burden book about her divorce? I love something her therapist step mother told her - who do you want to give the spot life to in your life? And make your decision according to that.

You say you have no contact with him nowadays - so how do you know for sure that he's still with his current partner (the one you're calling 'side piece')?
I would stay out of it. You've had a laugh at his profile, and felt some vengeance on the woman he went off with - but I'd leave it at that. You admit you'd be just doing it to hurt her, but she will end up hurt by him anyway I'm sure.

This is the father of your children @JessicaFletchersJoggingNeckTowel ?

Don't see what you mean unfortunately. Different perspectives I guess.

OP, I suspect that what you're imagining will happen is a fabulous Hollywood style double humiliation scene with thrown drinks and jaws on the floor that leaves them both permanently subdued, miserable and pondering the error of their ways. (You must realise that given he's a long term and ongoing cheat and arsehole, they're both already miserable anyway.)

I can't tell you how unlikely this is, and if you really truly were over him you wouldn't give a shit what he does or thinks as long as it's far away from you. I honestly don't think you'll get anything like the satisfaction you imagine and I can think of at least 500 ways it could all go horribly wrong. And most people really will not give a shit about it. Many will think you're nuts for going to all this trouble to interfere years after you split up.

And he's your kids' dad, I assume? How could this be in their interests in any way?

You know what they say about what to do before embarking on a journey of revenge. This is honestly, truly, really, an absolutely shit idea.

It’s not complicated. If you get the opportunity to take revenge on someone then be brave enough to own your actions so they know it was you.

I agree.

The hate you clearly have for this woman (esp as she was only one of the women he cheated on you with) emanates from your posts. Your intention is to hurt her. So if you have moved on, why would you bother?

I would have thought that after all that effort you wouldn’t want to create further drama. But as you seem determined, do it, so long as you are happy to be known as the psycho ex and to make it clear that you still care about him.

I'm a big fan of revenge and nurse grudges for years. Go for it.

No I wouldn't because I am a mature intelligent grrown adult

What if your friend was in on the set-up and you were the one being setup to be seen as vengeful and holding a grudging dynamic?
Couldnt/ wouldnt that be used against you in your next court confrontation?
(Except you think they will never know its you.!)...But if it was a well set trap you would absolutely fall for it?

As tempting as it is, don’t do it. Forget the piece of shit and move on. Never look at his social media ether. Live your life as though he never existed.

Print off and send the evidence, addressed directly to her. If only to allow her to get checked for STIs.

100% from start to finish

But as I said, I don't see it that way. For me, it's about them getting the consequences of their actions.

Do something wrong, get punished.

Not, 'Ooooh look, I got my own back on you.'

If it's the consequences of their actions, they don't need an external party stepping in to alter things.

The guy got caught cheating by OP, he had a load of OW, he's now at it again and so thick and indiscreet he's been spotted already. What are the odds that some avenging angel is needed to bring about consequences? His life is clearly already a shitshow.

And honestly, dick as he is, he's no longer married to OP and apart from (presumably) shared children, he's nothing to do with her and certainly nothing to do with this random friend. Who titled them as the ones with the right to "punish" him? What if he or someone else decides after this that they've got the right to "punish" OP and her friend?

@ThatCyanCat so if someone kills someone, we can rely on the consequences of their actions naturally bringing them to justice can we? Bullshit.

No one needs to know who turns the murderer in. As long as they're convicted.