AIBU to think DH overreacted to a bedtime joke?

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DH was out this evening at a meeting. I let the children stay up late - 15 mins past their bedtime watching a film. Let’s face it, we’re so close to the end of term, they are early secondary school and are very good kids tbh so it didn’t feel like a biggie (to me).

When DH arrived home, I thought it would be funny for them to comically scamper upstairs (in full view), then come down again pretending he had woken them up (with OTT yawning). It was very clearly lighthearted. It was entirely my idea.

DH did not find it funny AT ALL and berated the children. I held my hands up (literally, immediately) and said I was sorry, it was all my idea: I had encouraged them and thought it would make him laugh …but he was still exceptionally pissed off and continued to tell them off. Both children went to bed pretty upset.

Wtaf? Hand on heart, I kept saying it was my fault and he mustn’t blame the kids. He is enraged with all of us. I am so confused.

Does anyone else find it a bit creepy that secondary age children and regularly playing peek a boo with their parents? I think you use your kids as a way to 'rattle' each other or maybe you pretend that they are still little kids? It's embarrassing.

I think it’s creepy that you think it’s creepy.

For god's sake lighten up.

It's not "peek a boo", it's just a way to make each other laugh or lighten the mood.. I used to play hide and seek with my nephew, sometimes I would stand in the corner with a lampshade on my head.. or I'd get under their rug, my sister used to crack up, it's the absurdity of it that some people find amusing, some people like myself never grow up.

Imagine calling kids having a lighthearted sense of humour 'creepy'.

Depends on how accurate the OP's description of it is. I wouldn't be surprised if it's exaggerated. I don't think mild irritation is out of order.

You find a mum and her kids having a laugh 'creepy'?! Oh give over.

How bitter does life have to get for anyone to find something creepy about this scenario?! Weirdos.

Creepy isn't the correct word but this scenario might be cute with pre-schoolers but from secondary aged children, I'd think it deeply odd. There are Fast Show vibes.

Only that morning DH and the kids ‘hid’ when I came downstairs. One with a tea towel on their head, the other hiding behind a plate

Yeah that was my thought. Hiding behind tea towels and plates? 😬 Having taught in secondary schools, and DC at uni, encouraging dorky immature behaviour in your DC will do them no favours socially.

It's just semantics. I understand the sequence of events (as I imagine everyone else does) but I don't understand what's funny about watching your children go upstairs and pretend to go to sleep, then come back downstairs and pretend they've just been woken up. Unless it's an in joke, in which case it is going to go over our heads.

Even if he didn't find it funny on this occasion, there was absolutely no need to berate his children until they became upset.

Agreed.

So it was supposed to be an... ironic joke?

It doesn't even come across like a joke... DH was supposed to see the kids race upstairs then come down yawning and somehow conclude that the crux of the joke was that he'd woken them up?

It honestly makes less and less sense the more I think about it, so it's no wonder most people don't get what was supposed to be funny about it. Even with your explanation it still doesn't make sense lol.

In DH's shoes, coming home so late, and then being expected to laugh along at an utterly bizarre display that doesn't make any sense at all, not surprised he didn't react well honestly.

I get the hilarity of pretending you're hiding behind something you know isn't concealing you. It's like seeing a toddler assume if they have put a teatowel over their eyes you can't see them. It at least makes sense.

OP's 'joke' wasn't anything like that though. DH was supposed to witness the children going up to bed. And then see them come back down pretending they'd just been asleep... instead of what he saw with his own eyes?

This is one of the most bizarre threads I've seen on many years on MN, I'm loving it though!

I missed that it wasn't a work meeting.

Point still stands. He's been out of the house for what, 12 hours? That's a long day and not the time to be pulling weird shit.

Hopefully he’s apologised to them. It will blow over.
Good lesson for them that sometimes jokes and silly pranks don’t land well.

Is that you Enid Blython?

I think you made them pull the 'prank' because you were annoyed that he had got in late. Come on. Own up.

I can’t really understand… What was he actually angry about?

The 15 minute later bedtime?

What was he saying to you all?

So odd. All of it.

Ok. Hands up, I'm another one who doesn't find that kind of thing funny, BUT your family generally do, so I have no idea why he acted like that.

id have been much firmer and told him to STOP IT NOW. no way woukd I have let him carry on telling the kids off and upsetting them.

Not that it excuses him at all, but I'm wondering if he felt a bit ganged up upon and was being accused of being the bedtime fun sponge when you're the fun Mum who lets them stay up. Not that I think 15 minutes is letting them stay out myself.

whatever he needs to apologise to you all tonight.

Who?

He had his journey home. He could have taken five in the car or sat under a tree. We are all responsible for our own emotional regulation and children are not to be used as emotional punch bags. Parents are responsible for setting the emotional tone, family atmosphere and modelling good regulation. We don’t have to be perfect and may be this was just a blip, but it wasn’t ok and he needs to model accountability and apologise and take steps so that it doesn’t happen again.

so? Does that mean he can shout at and berate his children. So it was may be an ill conceived prank (although nothing that should make an adult really angry) but that doesn’t give him permission to vent his anger. It’s not ok.

He wouldn't expect the kids to be up. Why the hell should he sit outside his own house in the car.

It does not, but two things can be true at the same time:

DH can be in the wrong for overreacting and shouting at OP and his children. He absolutely owes them all an apology (this is coming from someone who's DF would frequently overreact and never apologise).

OP can also be in the wrong for what was a bit of a tactless "prank." OP hasn't been back for a while, but her posts suggests she's oblivious to this, which is probably why people are mentioning it.

Clearly one is worse than the other, but one does not negate the other.

Having read the stuff about hiding under tea towels earlier on the day it’s clearly wall to wall japery 😑

Clearly one is worse than the other, but one does not negate the other.

I really disagree with this, the two things are entirely different, OP and the kids orchestrated a silly skit with the intention of her DH finding it funny, she didn't anticipate he would take it badly because why would he?

On the flip side, her DH berated the kids to make them feel bad, to let them know they had done something wrong, and how he was extremely unhappy with them, even after OP told him it was her doing, he was obviously venting some sort of frustration on them.

You honestly can't compare the two.

It's like my DH telling me a joke and me ripping him a new arsehole for telling me it, rather than just telling him I'm not really in the mood for joking around.

OP and the kids orchestrated a silly skit with the intention of her DH finding it funny, she didn't anticipate he would take it badly because why would he?

Because timing is everything when it comes to pranks and stupid shit like OP's foolery here.

Her husband had been out working, had a meeting after, so nearly a 12 hour day, possibly longer. She isn't telling us what the meeting was about, it wasn't good or she would have said that to make him look even more unreasonable. It was possibly bad news, but whatever it was her foolish stunt fell flat and hit wrong and he yelled at the kids and her.

I worked 12s and after a long work shift and a meeting, getting home is not the time for that crap. Should be have restrained himself from yelling? Sure. Should OP think about playing stupid games on him after a long hot day on the trenches? Sure.

These kids are secondary school age and this is the time to be teaching social skills in the home, not having older kids act like a couple of little kids for Mom's fun and games.

To quote your earlier comment, whoosh.