AIBU to think DH overreacted to a bedtime joke?

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DH was out this evening at a meeting. I let the children stay up late - 15 mins past their bedtime watching a film. Let’s face it, we’re so close to the end of term, they are early secondary school and are very good kids tbh so it didn’t feel like a biggie (to me).

When DH arrived home, I thought it would be funny for them to comically scamper upstairs (in full view), then come down again pretending he had woken them up (with OTT yawning). It was very clearly lighthearted. It was entirely my idea.

DH did not find it funny AT ALL and berated the children. I held my hands up (literally, immediately) and said I was sorry, it was all my idea: I had encouraged them and thought it would make him laugh …but he was still exceptionally pissed off and continued to tell them off. Both children went to bed pretty upset.

Wtaf? Hand on heart, I kept saying it was my fault and he mustn’t blame the kids. He is enraged with all of us. I am so confused.

What’s he cross about, exactly? What was he even saying to them?

I don't really see the joke and after a long hot day, maybe your timing was a bit ill-judged? I assume he was tired and grumpy - it was unfair for him to take it out on the kids. It will probably all blow over after a night's sleep!

i don’t understand that bedtime or the joke but sounds like a stressful environment all round. Is he ok, are you? Is this typical of your family interactions?

If he was coming back from work after 9, in the heat, exhausted and hungry then he probably just snapped if he isn't usually like this. Maybe he was also confused and didn't understand the joke or just wasn't in the mood.

If this is out of character and he apologises to the kids tomorrow then I'd let it go.

I wouldn't have found it funny either but I'm a bit concerned you are downplaying this part:
DH was out this evening at a meeting.

If he didn't return until after 9pm from a meeting does this mean his job is at risk?

Hmm. He was a snappy bastard but your joke was ‘us three versus him’. It sort of accentuates the sense that he’s on the outside, a bit? Could that have fed into his anger?

9pm bedtime for secondary school kids is FAR too early.

He sounds like a fun sponge.

I don't get the joke either, and I actually think that's an important part of it

He's come home shattered and feels like a joke has been played on him that he doesn't even get.

Maybe everyone will feel better in the morning

What a misery guts! YANBU, OP. It’s not like he was coming back from a funeral 🙄

How do you know what the meeting was about? It could've been unpleasant

It was just lighthearted messing about people!! our 5 year old daughter hides sometimes when one of us comes in from being out and we then pretend that we took her with us "where is she??" "didn't you take her with you?" "oh my god, I'll have to go back and find her!!" etc. then she jumps out to "surprise" us.. it's a similar riff.

I'd have tolerated him being a bit grumpy and not being in the mood for it, but to keep berating the kids after you told him it was your idea is just nasty.

We'd be having words after the kids were in bed, whatever is happening in his life, or he's unhappy about you just don't take it out on the kids! Poor kids.

Depends really. My year 7 has to be up at 6.30 and she needs to be in bed for 9 to get the sleep she needs to function properly. It’s not a ‘bedtime’ we such, just the time she chooses to bed so that she gets enough sleep.

Does she not do anything in the week then?

He was unreasonable, but there are mitigating circumstances.

It's exceptionally hot. I imagine he was tired and hangry, and just wanted a shower and sit down after a long day.

I got home at 8.00 this evening from work, and wasn't exactly a bundle of joy either! I just wanted to fling myself in the shower and collapse!

Sometimes, with the best will in the world, we are not the best versions of ourselves.

Would he normally be annoyed if they were up past their bedtime? Might he have felt you were all getting oneover on him for being the bedtime enforcer, whereas cool mum gets to let them stay up late only when he's not there to be the bad cop?

Either way, he should have left the kids alone when you said it was all your idea. What was he actually telling them off for? Not being in bed? Being loud and giggly? Playing a prank on him?

If you have a shit day, you don’t take it out on your wife and kids.

Meanwhile in real life people do.

If you have honestly never had a bloody shitty day and not gone home grouchy and grumpy rather than being sweetness and light as you walk in the front door you must be one in a million or a liar

I don't think 9 is massively early. My y9 only changed from 9.15 around a year ago and often chooses to go then anyway. My y12 has been at 10.15 for years. It's the little one who can't sleep until late because he overheats.

It sounds like your husband is worrying about something. Is it anything to do with the meeting/'meeting' ?

I totally get why you thought it would funny and I would have taken a dim view of him continuing to berate the children after you said it had been your idea. I would wait for a calmer moment and see whether there is anything else going on. He didn't need to keep going until they were upset enough for him to stop.
It's also a good opportunity to discuss with the children that sometimes jokes can backfire and land so badly it upsets others and discuss how to deal with that.

Not the point of the post but my 12yr old also has a 9 pm bedtime to be asleep for 9:30. They do several activities and all finish by 8pm latest. If they have more than one night later than this they struggle and it doesn’t seem hugely out of line with friends.

I think there is something else going on with him this evening, something stressful and he took it out on you guys. Not a nice trait at all.

Meanwhile in real life people do.

Yeah, abusive people.

I can honestly say while I've gone home grumpy/grouchy/tired etc plenty of times, and don't always want to talk much or join in fun, I've never continually 'berated' my DH and my children because of my inability to regulate my emotions.

This!! Is he five??

Is he normally bad tempered?

We did a similar joke in our house a few times when DC were younger. I'd be out and text that I was coming home and hope DH had got DC to be at a decent time and not let them stay up and watch the footy. Then when I'd get home they'd be under their covers pretending to be asleep but you could see the covers shaking as they were giggling away fully dressed. Just a bit of fun. Nowadays they are more likely to still be up and DH gone to bed.

He's a bundle of laughs isn't he!!