Equal bill splitting annoyance

[Adfreefreezer]

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

Op your right and they happy for you to pay it too. Its def tricky if people dont drink but again this should be said at the start.

As a single Ive often found that drinks in pubs can work out unequally when you socialise with couples. There are two of them to be bought for but often they only buy one round between them. So they with their dual income are buying me one drink and I on my single income am buying two drinks. Having a kitty also works out unfairly for those who prefer soft drinks. I have always paid for my own drinks in these situations and usually gone to the bar and returned with two at a time to save frequent trips. Drinking in bars is too expensive anyway. I think a lot of people have made this decision looking at the number of pubs that have closed.

When we have this situation, my OH will go up to the bar on way to the loo etc, pay for our share then when they bring up the bill at the end, he says he has paid for ours. But we do also have some friends where we have like a tit for tat going, and we take it in turns, or we order a det menu so it is always same price pp.

It might not be premeditated, but it does very much sound like they're happily taking advantage of the situation as they see how things pan out. It's usually very obvious when you're going at it on the spirits, cocktails or fancy wines and somebody else has a coke or half a pint of beer or two.

I wouldn't.

I generously overpay in these situations so this bad feeling doesn't occur.

You can't imagine a friendship that is about more than the cost of meals out and car journeys to get there?

When I think of the to and fro, give and take of my friendships, they are about both parties generously sharing their time, money and attention on each other, sometimes unevenly, over the course of many years. If I took out a notebook at any particular moment to jot down the transactional cost of any single evening out, I would kill the friendship dead in an instant.

"What about that ice cream you bought me on holiday in the 2000s when my cash card got lost in the machine?"

"You still owe me for the flowers I sent you when your Dad died."

"Remember when I picked your kids up from Brownies because you locked your keys in your car? I don't think you ever gave me a contribution for the petrol..."

You can't imagine a friendship that is about more than the cost of meals out and car journeys to get there?

I can’t imagine a friendship that’s give, give, give while my friend take, take, takes. Only an absolute doormat would tolerate such an uneven ‘friendship’. If you’re more than happy to keep generously overpaying while your friends keep taking from you, you might consider that your friendship isn’t very valuable to them and they are just using you for cheap nights out.

Well, no shit, but that's not the circumstances the previous poster ("in time it balances out in my friendship group") or I were describing.

If you leave early go and pay for your bits at the till (don't forget the service charge). They can sort as they see fit.

But that’s not pertinent to this thread. You’ve stated that OP is penny pinching and should be happy to pay extra. Given that OP doesn’t drink, it’s not going to even out any time soon, unless she started doubling her food intake. What works for you isn’t relevant to this particular situation.

Of course it's pertinent to this thread, if you bother to read the thread.

You are responding to a very early comment on this thread based on the OP's original post.

Not at all.
with my friend who can consume a lot more than me. Think a whole bottle wine and 3 courses whereas I’d have a main and one drink. I would split 50:50 till I couldn’t justify it any more with my budget. She realised and actually paid for some meals at places where it was out of my budget. I’ve passed on stuff like furniture and baby stuff to her.
yes that friendship is a balanced and we both see that. But routinely splitting when there’s a disparity esp between work colleagues isn’t something I’d do anymore.

But it could be the same people subsiding meals, giving emotional support, doing favours etd and the other group just " take"

Yes!
I used to only have a coke whilst the rest of the round were pints. I’d still do the round to be sociable. But then when I asked for a vodka with my coke there were comments I was well pissed off. Then just started getting my own.

It could be, yes.

And in that kind of "friendship", do you really think the right response is to make sure you pay for your own drinks?

Good for you @Adfreefreezer, good luck!

That is absolute peak CF: being two people who receive two drinks per round, but conveniently only one unit when it comes to buying a round. Even if you're one of those couples where the man treats the woman like a special princess and insists on buying everything for her, she isn't everybody else's special princess as well. Between them, they need to buy two rounds if they aren't willing to share one drink between them.

Yes?
what would you suggest instead?

I would suggest re-evaluating the whole toxic relationship, but maybe I have more self-esteem than some.

Yep. Just split the bill.

i prefer to pay for my own. It’s just as easy to work out what youve spent as splitting.

I guess that depends on the circumstances. If it’s work colleagues then harder to do

if it’s a friendship group which includes a freeloader then again hard to cut them out.

it’s not about self esteem.

It's not work colleagues. Read the thread.

I didn’t say I am not happy to pay for what I ate/drank and for others to do the same. I meant I would just round the numbers up or down to the nearest pound! 🙄

Easily resolved by waiting to order drinks.