Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

Bad manners on their part. If there’s clearly a discrepancy in our group we will always say something like “we shared a bottle of wine but you only had an orange juice Fiona so we’ll pay more”.

Just stick up for yourself and say “I’ll just pay for what I ate as I ordered my drink at the bar, so that’s £x for me including part of the tip”. They’d be outrageous to try and argue it.

They might not appreciate this, though. Or even if they do, they may frame it to their advantage: that you're refusing to pay towards their alcohol [that they're ordering copiously]; whereas YOU are expecting THEM to pay towards all of your soft drinks that you order as part of the joint bill [even though that's zero].

I don't know your dining companions personally, but when it comes to many deliberate CFs, DARVO is their very best friend. They won't 'just' hope to score a bargain with bill splitting but then shrug their shoulders and accept it if they don't get away with it this time; they will turn it around that YOU are the CF. Some may even genuinely believe it, as their own entitlement is so ingrained in their minds that, if you threaten that (by suggesting a much fairer solution), you must be a CF who is trying to swindle them.

Oh give over! It’s not penny pinching to not want to stump up an extra £30 just so the friends can drink all evening and get subsidised for the pleasure!
The friends are the mean ones for allowing OP to do it!

Absolutely! How is it mean and penny pinching to subsidise someone else's alcohol consumption?

Well I've just messaged and said next time as a non drinker I do not want to split the alcohol bill equally between us...

As the alcohol bill is usually the same or more than the food bill I don't think that's un reasonable

Well done I have the same issue in pubs with rounds if I drink 2 half’s I’m not paying for 4 pints!

Of course it's not unreasonable.
I would suggest just everyone pay for what they've consumed, be it food or drink. That's the best way forward.

Says someone who splitting the bill will favour them!

Why would you expect friends to subsidise your alcohol?

👏

There are phone apps for this. Splitwise is one. Let's you input who had what. Not used it myself. Note that CFs will probably be outraged you are using this and call you a CF

If you are the one who leaves earliest chuck in what you owe with a tip and leave. Simples!

That's how these people work. Relying on everyone else not wanting to say anything. I don't mind a couple of pounds over but I'm not paying for cocktails, wine, spirits that others have been liberal in ordering

How do these apps work? Do they somehow synchronise with the menus - of bigger chains, presumably; likely not small individual places? Even then, surely you'd still have to keep inputting every item that somebody orders; and if they don't already 'know' the (up to date) prices, you'd have to input those too?

Genuinely, what benefit do these apps add above your phone calculator and a notepad? Even with that, isn't the whole point/excuse of splitting the bill because people find it onerous and a bore to have to keep a track of everything that everybody orders?

Moreover, the concept of shared bottles of wine and large sharer dishes make it potentially even more fuzzy - which the CFs often capitalise on. Effectively, they gleefully seize on a common time-saving system whereby people are willing to potentially overpay a pound or two in exchange for the faff of having to track everybody's spending, but then deliberately exploit it to make others pay £10, £20, £30 or more extra... which rather makes that 'faff' seem not such an onerous task after all!

Not to mention the whole ridiculous tipping system, which I would love to see abolished nationwide in favour of restaurants actually transparently charging the full price that they wish to be paid for each item ordered, as shown on the menu and the bill, without any drama.

I agree, @AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle! No need for an app. The bill comes. It's itemised. This is what I had, this is what I pay for.
That's all!

Something like this is better

Hi everyone! For future meals, can we split the food equally and each pay for our own drinks? I think that works out more fairly for everyone. Thanks!

Sounds good.

The potential problem with that, though - if indeed certain people are being CFs and trying to get their money's worth - they'll just realise that they need to switch their tactics to filling their boots with their food consumption rather than with the booze.

I don't think it's deliberately, just thoughtless, a fiver or a tenner I wouldn't mind at all.

It's a bill of over 100 quid for alcohol for 4 people , one has had none, one has had 1 drink and the other 2 are necking it at great speed!

I know if I was the one necking it down I would offer to pay more.

Had this conversation with DS who is currently doing a lot of socialising in a new city with new flatmates and new workmates. He says it's now pretty common for them to order/pay separately, and they particularly seek out restaurants with "app" ordering to make that easier. They all get on their apps, place their orders, and payment is automatically independently sorted. In places where they don't have ordering apps, they have a "sharing app" where they each enter their individual costs to share the bill properly.

Not sure how common this is in the UK. I’ve been to a restaurant before where someone asked for a separate bill and the restaurant refused, saying that they can only bill by table. I don’t know why tbh, separate bills should be the standard.

No, I go to restaurants quite a lot, live in the UK, and seperate billing is standard. You get an itemised bill, so what's the problem?

The problem is, as I’ve just said, that not every restaurant does this. It certainly is not ‘standard’. It’s something that you have to specifically request, and they may or may not agree to. The standard is to present a bill for the whole table.

I don't agree with this take at all.

I went out on a hen do once - I was pregnant. I had one mocktail. We had food and most of the other people were drinking. They all had lots of actual cocktails. I ended up paying an extra £50 as my 'share' of the drinks bill ... I was really pissed off about it but too afraid to speak up.

Right. It's standard everywhere I've been to, but suppose it's not?
Ask for the menu and calculate what you owe.

Charge your drinks at the bar to the table, also I won't subsidise much heavier drinkers than myself- working or not working, if you allow people to get away with this they will always do it, it will get even worse and it will be too late to mention it- deal with it now.