To be shocked that my good friend, 37, is seeing a 66 year old lady?

[darksideofthetoon]

Had a few beers with a good friend recently and got a bit tipsy and we got into his dating life. He told me that he’s been seeing a 66 year old grandmother. He is only 37 for reference. They met via online dating.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this but I’m just a bit shocked to be honest. He says that they enjoy each other’s company and there is no intention of it developing into anything more.

My friend has always dated younger women and not short of female attention at all.

It’s all good right?

Can I share some real hard truths on this thread @darksideofthetoon ?

There are a lot of people on here, and potentially even the OP, who seem to be automatically putting down any woman in their 60s who has sexual allure and who is enjoying their life in an active way.

It's like there's something about the age bracket which automatically de-selects them from being "possible" for a person in their 30s.

I find this, quite frankly staggering, BUT I also find it not so unusual for Mumsnet.

On this site, there are so many women who on any thread relating to sex, are lining up to tell us how once they've reached their 40s (or sometimes even earlier) they have given up completely on sex. And of course their DP is ''fine with it".

I could open a healthy ISA if I had a £ for every time I heard someone on here say "Ugh, I have no time for all that huffing and puffing" or "I would rather have a choccie digestive and a good book" etc.

That's fine, and I'm not here to tell those people that they're wrong, that's their view.

However if you've been around this site as long as I have, you'll know this is te prevailing view on Mumsnet and no other view is tolerated by those people, who will line up to subtly attack this 60-something year old and claim she's a sugar momma (turns out she isn't), or that there's nothing sexual going on (turns out it's all very passionate and healthy).

It's clear anyone over 45 who is enjoying sex on Mumsnet and talks about it, is a threat to those militants who want everyone to enjoy books and biccies instead, in case their DH hears that it is possible to enjoy oneself in later years.

There is a lot of love as a friendship but we’re both straight men so there’s zero jealousy!

I’m not having a go at this lady at all and I said from the start that there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. But it’s a very large age gap and that’s what threw me and really surprised me.

There's been a spate of these 'shocked' threads.

'Surprised' would be a more apt word.

If she's beautiful, fit and active and he clearly enjoys spending time with her... whats the problem?
Are you jealous?

It’s odd but so are your comments too, to be honest. What relevance is him not being shy of female attention? I find an age gap of this size, weird on both sides but at least they’re both very much adults.

I think most people do this now. At least men do anyway.

You’re conflating two things. You seem to think women who have zero interest in sex personally think all women should follow suit and that older sexual women are odd.
That’s entirely your invention. I am in my 40s with zero interest in a sex life but don’t find it weird or odd in the slightest that women who are not me, even older ones, may feel differently.

There is no problem and I’m not jealous.

Just shocked as it is a very large age gap.

I mean we have them though. It’s why siblings can’t date.

What is it was 66 year old Nigella Lawson he was seeing ?

Considering how it started that’s a 6 example!

So you'd like to see a law with an upper limit on age difference, for grown adults, because incest exists?

I have’t said anything about wanting laws with upper limits on age differences.
I was just saying that we do have laws already determining what consenting adults may do.

I have a friend who is a cougar. She dates younger men. She is highly sexed and likes what her current boyfriend has to offer in bed. She is a professional , financially independent woman who works in health care. She has told me quite categorically she does not want a man the same age as her and all the health problems that come with age. She doesn't want him living with her and is quite content seeing him on her terms. She has grown up children and grandchildren and again only cares for the grandchildren when it suits her too! Horses for courses and all that. It is not what I would want. I have remarried but she doesn't want any of all that. I do worry she may end up a lonely old lady though.

I said that because he could easily be with a woman his own age or younger. But he has actively chosen to be with a woman almost 30 years older than him. So, it only increases my sense of shock.

Why is it a fetish ffs

You seem to think most people in their 60s are wheelchair bound. You need to get down and see who is looking hot at your local gym

Why would she end up lonely? Because she didn’t desperately try to snag an older man to die with?
we don’t need a partner you know to be happy in old age.

I think you quoted the wrong person. I didn’t mention anything about the lady ending up lonely.

Shocked because of what though? What actually is triggering you?
that he genuinely finds an older woman sexually attractive?
That he finds this particular woman more appealing than other women even though they are younger?
That an older woman is sexual?

what actually is triggering you? Because you are revealing your belief that older is less attractive than younger regardless of all other attributes and characteristics.

that a woman who is over a certain age still being sexual disgusts you

that a woman looking older makes the whole idea that a younger man might’ve attracted to her almost unbelievable

why do you hold these beliefs? What other beliefs do you hold? That no woman would choose a 5’10” man if she had many 6’3” men interested in her?

that no man would choose a size 12 woman if he is surrounded by size 8 women fawning over him?

that no one would ever choose a disabled person if they had non disabled options?

can you honestly not believe that people are attracted to others for many many reasons.

The prevailing view on Mumsnet is that anyone with the merest hint of a libido is a disgusting pervert.

It sounds like you’re the one who is triggered.

And you are putting a lot of words into my mouth and projecting.

This was never intended to be an ageist thread. But I am allowed to feel some shock at my long time friend suddenly sleeping with a woman almost 30 years older than him. That’s it, there’s no hate, ageism or jealousy involved.

I hope it lasts but, knowing my friend, it’s unlikely.

But why do you say that? You seem to think him
being with a woman his own age is inherently better.

Nigella is a perfect example of how women in their 60s can be absolutely gorgeous & sexy. Is it any wonder men of all ages can have their heads turned by older women 😂