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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked that my good friend, 37, is seeing a 66 year old lady?

240 replies

darksideofthetoon · Yesterday 19:59

Had a few beers with a good friend recently and got a bit tipsy and we got into his dating life. He told me that he’s been seeing a 66 year old grandmother. He is only 37 for reference. They met via online dating.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this but I’m just a bit shocked to be honest. He says that they enjoy each other’s company and there is no intention of it developing into anything more.

My friend has always dated younger women and not short of female attention at all.

It’s all good right?

OP posts:
PenelopeJoanSterling · Today 20:02

Rpop · Today 19:51

I know it doesn’t matter (and I genuinely think it doesn’t as long as they are happy) but I do think it is quite unusual. The main problem is when you don’t have a bedrock of experiences in common and were brought up in very different eras. similarly, one of you might need care while the other one is still quite young.

even if you were brought up in different eras, you can still connect via hobbies etc, even same age gap relationships does not auto mean compatibility etc

shuggles · Today 20:15

Beeloux · Today 19:41

You do you.

Personally I grew up in a culture where the husband provides. I find men who leech off woman unmasculine.

That’s just my personal opinion though.

Sounds very old fashioned, extremely conservative, and anti-woman.

There is nothing unmasculine about a woman helping a man. Thinking otherwise sounds like manosphere Andrew Tate nonsense to me.

AJLOAL · Today 20:18

I'm 57 and seeing a 38 year old man. No one's business but ours.

Nanda66 · Today 20:22

Who cares? They are both consenting adults and life is short.

Applesonthelawn · Today 20:25

I think it's questionable if there's any kind of power imbalance and that can sometimes be subtle. Madonna's relationships for example might venture into power imbalance because of who she is. She embarrasses me generally though.
But if they're both just enjoying themselves, they should crack on.

FlyingBeGoat · Today 20:33

darksideofthetoon · Yesterday 20:10

Without going into details, they’ve got to know each other very well in bed. My friend doesn’t do platonic stuff. He lit up like a Christmas tree when I asked him how it was in bed.

I bet he did, she might find men her age can’t keep up and he might find women his age are planning for families- I imagine they are having as much unprotected sex as possible with no worries about unplanned pregnancies

SkippitySkoppity · Today 20:36

Of course it's fine.

I knew, with it being MN, there'd be some people stating there was a power imbalance. That's such a go-to phrase on any kind of age gap chat. But he's 37. He's a fully formed, almost middle aged adult (some would say already middle aged). Some people are unable to look at any kind of relationship as a fun temporary thing, as though people should always be striving for long-term. It's always 'but what about when she's 85 and he's 55'. Well it's highly unlikely they'll still be together, isn't it? But it's okay to have short lived sexual relationships. They can be fun and fulfilling and enriching.

Beeloux · Today 20:38

shuggles · Today 20:15

Sounds very old fashioned, extremely conservative, and anti-woman.

There is nothing unmasculine about a woman helping a man. Thinking otherwise sounds like manosphere Andrew Tate nonsense to me.

As I said, you do you.

I divorced my xh for such nonsense when I was as 24 and he was older than me.

No regrets.

Frugalgal · Today 20:51

darksideofthetoon · Yesterday 19:59

Had a few beers with a good friend recently and got a bit tipsy and we got into his dating life. He told me that he’s been seeing a 66 year old grandmother. He is only 37 for reference. They met via online dating.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this but I’m just a bit shocked to be honest. He says that they enjoy each other’s company and there is no intention of it developing into anything more.

My friend has always dated younger women and not short of female attention at all.

It’s all good right?

Of course it's all good. He's a nearly middle aged, he knows what he's doing and so does she. All consenting.

PintofFizz · Today 20:53

ProudCat · Today 19:14

Two words: Emma Thompson.

Emma's only 7 years older than her husband isn't she?

SkippitySkoppity · Today 20:55

PintofFizz · Today 20:53

Emma's only 7 years older than her husband isn't she?

I think they're referencing the film where Emma T plays a middle aged widow who engages the services of a hot young male sex worker.

PintofFizz · Today 20:56

Beeloux · Today 19:41

You do you.

Personally I grew up in a culture where the husband provides. I find men who leech off woman unmasculine.

That’s just my personal opinion though.

How about relationships where the couple are equal. Both contribute equally or sometimes he contributes more, sometimes she contributes more. I'm guessing a lot of relationships are like that.

PintofFizz · Today 20:56

SkippitySkoppity · Today 20:55

I think they're referencing the film where Emma T plays a middle aged widow who engages the services of a hot young male sex worker.

Ahhh thanks.

AlgaeDreams · Today 21:00

riversofjoy · Today 19:30

But people havent defined that, they have merely said 30 years?- no problem.

I disagree. I think there is something very wrong if you have to date someone 30 years younger than you. It shows a power balance that indicates something very wrong

In which way do you see the power balancing? Interesting.

Not every relationship is about a power balance... The balance of power.

I've never actually had a relationship where that occurred to me.

AlgaeDreams · Today 21:05

Beeloux · Today 20:38

As I said, you do you.

I divorced my xh for such nonsense when I was as 24 and he was older than me.

No regrets.

And by the time you are 33 you'll have a wealth of life experience, divorce being one, that you didn't have in your early 20s or teens.

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