To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

What’s his TikTok name? I need to see this.

This! Honestly people are so busy looking for red flags, the person has to be absolutely perfect and not put a foot wrong. So he said a silly comment. I'd do exactly what the poster above said and sound him out, unless of course, he has form. Decades ago my husband said a stupid and classless joke about women's bits, turns out he was just mindlessly repeating something his 'friend' had said, which makes sense as it was out of character for him. We both agreed after it was in very poor taste. Sometimes I still tease him about it. 2 kids and a long marriage later really it wasn't the be all end all. Men are just literally from Mars sometimes, they don't have the same empathy chip or emotional intelligence that comes naturally to women. Sorry I know NEM, but from my experience, it's true!

Gross and immature. Bin him with immediate effect 🤢

This - immediately and with no regrets.

It would be the last for me.

Grim. End of.

Cancel. Lots of reasons

1.Offensive language.
2.Childish language ('growler' FFS), indicates juvenile immaturity never good in a partner.
3.Presumptious (to thinks he's even going to get close).
4.Misogynistic (stereotype of a woman smelling. next week he'll mention fish)

but most of all

IT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU. This never changes. A person (man or woman) either treats others and partners with respect or they don't. It's not a good life with a partner treating you with no respect.

Hard no I say.

& for the people excusing it as a 'silly comment' - growler?? really??? I suppose it depends what you are willing to tolerate but I expect a partner on the same level of maturity and intelligence and educational level (including vocabulary) as me. Low standards there.

I'm not surprised that you still remember and talk about it decades later, that's how disgusting it is. What a load of cope.

@Datingwoeewhat did you decide ?

It never gets better, will only get worse.

Men are not lonely enough. We owe it to our fellow women to clamp down on shit like this. Vote with your growler. Thank you, next.

”vote with your growler” made me snort my wine! And I don’t disagree, there is some truth in that.
And no, women are not responsible for men, of course. But if ALL women collectively stood up and said NO? No, I won’t accept disrespect, no I won’t shag you, you married moron, no, i deserve better than you, you idiot who has weaponised incompetence to PHD level? It would change the world as we know it.

Don't think there is anything I detest more than men:

• Using derogatory terms for womens vulvas,
• Making jokes whilst using such derogatory terms.

If you had been with him for 30 years I can see why this may be interpreted as funny, but when you barely know them it is just repulsive and demonstrative of significant immaturity. Ew. Bin.

Hmm! If a girl dumped me over that, I'd just think she wasn't worth having. It was a bit crass, but she did say she needed to 'freshen up'. Men should not be Andrew Tate's, but also mustn't be bullied by their women folk. Male energy is enormously valuable. It's a huge mistake to try to suppress it.

Message read and understood. I was not aware that I was dealing with the Queen of Mumsnet, ruling every thought that anyone could have. I’ll let you get back to living your life as Hyacinth Bucket. “Rough People” was how you described people. You’re a touch of class! Here’s some hard advice to you : You’re no better than anyone else on here or in life generally and your ego and stuck up attitude is not attractive. Just saying!!

Read your anti-man message ending with a side of “significant immaturity” yet noted that you call yourself ‘WorldsHottestMom’. Hmmmm??

Jesus, is this how men actually think? Oh wait, of course it is.

He makes a vile, disrespectful (for so many reasons) comment, and women taking issue with that is him being bullied? I can't actually tell if your comment is sarcastic or not, it is so tone deaf.

Male energy is not valuable if it is rooted in disrespect, nobody's is. If suppressing disrespectful and misogynistic energy is a 'huge mistake' then I'm about to (gladly) live a lifetime of them.

But you go off about how valuable (disrespectful) male energy is. Bro code n dat

Imagine if you'd said to a man that said he needed to freshen up after work "well you can't have a dick full of cheese"

I mean, as if any woman would ever say this??

What is it about some men that think this sort of stuff is acceptable. Ever?

It's just gross. So gross. Yes I'd dump him. I'd say sorry but that's given me the ick. There's no woman in her right mind that would think that's OK to say on a fifth date right after sleeping with you.

It's just not the time to be so crude and familiar. He's shown you who he truly is. Believe him.

Suppress gross disgusting vile comments? No I don't think that ever needs to be let out actually. That's not the male energy we're after.

We're hope to partner with MEN, not boys.

My anti-man message hahaha. Aw little darling, it's okay, if that is how easy it is to harm your ego then I can only assume that you are also an immature man. Bless your heart.

If you must know, I chose this name when making my account as I had just escaped 10 years of abuse from my exH, and his favourite insult to me was that I am "the world's ugliest/fattest/worst/etc" mum. So I thought fuck it, I'm the world's hottest mum. I'm reclaiming it.

I have to say, you didn't actually disagree with what I was saying, just attacked me instead. Giving yourself away there.

If you’re happy to split from this otherwise good man over this, dare I say it’s no wonder you’re single. It’s a throwaway joke. You should take it as such

Then dump him for being 14, presumably. Tbf I consider cunt to be far superior to growler in every way.

You’re making quite the leap there. I can assure you that you don’t have to reside in a convent to find ‘whiffy growler’ to be an instant ‘next!’. Believe it or not it isn’t normal language and/or banter for everyone.

Oh my God, thank you. It's been a stressful couple of days and I needed a laugh like that. I can't breathe...

OP, this is grim on so many levels. He doesn't know you well enough to use such terminology and it falls short of making you sound valued and desired, and there is something about it that I can't quite quantify that is disrespectful to women generally.

I have lots of male friends and am exposed to some male conversations that I can't unhear, usually very funny, but none of them would ever say this to a date. I'm not sure my fairly cheeky DH would say that after many years together and we don't stand on ceremony.

I am torn between you telling him that you no longer find him attractive after his last message and you telling him that you are sorry but your growler will be washing its hair for the foreseeable and you will won't be able to see him again.

Either way, this comment sounds like the tip of a rather grim iceberg to me.

You’re the one using a forum to whine about hating using the forum. ‘So don’t use it then’ is advice, not a diktat.

I don’t intend for you, and men of the ilk you’re white-knighting for, to find my standards ego and again just standards stuck up attitude attractive. It is very much to my benefit that you don’t, actually.