To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

If you want to come across as confident rather than defensive, it’s usually stronger to be calm, set a boundary, and add a touch of wit.

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I’ll assume, just this once, that was your clumsy attempt at sarcasm. If you’re planning on calling me a “whiff growler,” you might want to rethink it. Keep using that sort of language and you’ll find out what a real growl sounds like.

Definite red flag 🚩🚩🚩

Not particularly a fan of the man but I do think something that Ricky Gervais said holds true in your argument that I'm wrong - "Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right."

What would really do it for me after a 'joke' that grotesque, is expectation that he will get near the growler to catch a whiff! 🙄

I’m honestly astounded that one comment like that would be enough to make you cancel him. Do you have any male friends to check this out with? It’s male banter. If he has done EVERYTHING else right, I wouldn’t cancel him. I’d banter back and then face to face, be honest and say you don’t like that sort of thing. Depending on how he responds to that challenge…. Judge him on that. Apology and slightly mortified - crack on. If he gets defensive then ditch. It is poor taste - but it sounds as if the intention was to banter/ connect. If you just cancel because of one comment, then most relationships are going to be doomed!

I say this with the assumption of no other red flags or signs of misogyny….

Whether you are being unreasonable or not is not the point here - if that's not how you want to be treated, then you are not compatible to this man anyway.

I'm absolutely astounded that some women put up with this.

Urgh what an absolute minger he is saying that to someone he barely knows...actually saying that at all is fucking gross. Horrible misogynistic language. YANBU I would say to him that's fucking disgusting and never see him again.

If you find a man's jokes crude and offensive, you have no future. Because a shared understanding of the difference between wit and vulgarity is essential in a relationship.

Except when it relates to personal relationships it is. Any person is entitled to decide they want to call a halt to dating for any reason.

Disgusting language for a man to use.

Agreed and so is "whether the OP has been intimate" with him which a PP used. Ugh.

It’s the banter of a certain type of classless male that many of us would rather gnaw our own limbs off than date. There are far worse things than a relationship being doomed.

Ew. That's just flat out nasty. Would be enough for me to end things permanently.

Not sure what that has to do with deciding whether to continue dating someone or not. You don’t have to continue dating someone you’re repulsed by, regardless of any right and wrongs.

I'd cancel giving reasons, but just a line, not making any drama, so you remain on a different level.

if he insists it was just a joke it doesn't really look good and possibly could go worse over time, after all you don't know him.

He should really struggle to apologise to you to deserve a second chance, that way only he can learn how to deal with a woman.

So don't give it a second thought unless he understands it was quite insulting and he really needs to behave.

I'm old fashioned, and personally at this point I would avoid sex for quite sometimes if he does the right moves. Just so he knows who he is dealing with.

This would give me the ick and once that happens I just couldn’t see them the same way again. I’d cancel, and not see him again. But I am long term single and doing absolutely nothing to change that right now

That's utterly repulsive. A couple of people on here found it funny, so there are probably women out there who would enjoy his company but you're clearly not one of them so don't waste your time. yuckkkkk.

Definitely cancel ‘this’ date. If he keeps being a loser after this, cancel him altogether.

Unfortunately, some women insist on going for that type of man. What have us genuine guys got to do? I don't know what is worse, the fact that a man like that can make it to a 5th date, or the fact that the OP is still deciding if he could be the 'one'. It won't be a popular opinion on here, but why not date the nice guys? Simple.

I just asked my partner his opinion on this and he said the response he would have given is 'ok love no problem, ill see you in an hour' honestly dont even message the guy back, he doesnt deserve that from you, id just block if I were you

If my husband said it, I'd find it slightly funny. Because I know him well and I know there would be no ill intent like expecting/assuming there will be sex. But a guy I'd met for 5 dates, definitely not. Although the word growler is grim

@DatingwoeeWhat did you decide to do?

As an American, I was a bit puzzled by why anyone would cancel a date over this, as here in the US, a growler is a large container for beer. Smaller than a keg, but bigger than a bottle. 2 countries divided by a common language! Professor Google educated me and, wow, that's a juvenile, offensive remark. Whether it calls for cancelling the date is hard to say without more info. This is the 5th date. Has anything else he's said or done given you reason to think this is typical of him? IMO, if you like him well enough to be going on a 5th date, you might want to have a conversation with him about how that remark landed, and see how that goes. We've all said/sent texts we regret in retrospect. But maybe that's just me😉

Please update us on what was the outcome. It’s fair to have the ick and cancel. It’s also fair to tell him you didn’t like his joke & try another date. In my experience men are very sensitive & can’t handle any criticism in the first few months. So I can’t see him being open to fixing his mistake & this seems doomed.