To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

Freshen up is such a gross term

Disappointed the OP hasn’t been back to let us know what she decided!

It doesn't in the least. Consent on one occasion doesn't equate to consent on any other. Were that true marital rape would still be legal.

I'm not suggesting he's a rapist, before anyone starts with the predicable hyperbole. I'm suggesting that an automatic assumption of a shag just because he's had one before is distasteful, presumptious and actually quite disgusting. It's also a likely telltale sign of his general attitude toward entitlement to sex, and coupled with his evident disdain for women's 'whiffy' genitalia, this would tell me as much as I needed to know after a mere five dates. And no woman is compelled to stick around and 'educate' him, either.

I'm unsurprised at the number of PPs who are trying to push these standards onto others. They are perfectly at liberty to accept them if they wish. I do not.

Who the fuck has 'washing your fanny' pop into their head when someone mentions freshening up?!

Some of the posts on this thread are batshit!

I Googled it.

'Freshening up...'

Personal Grooming And Cleaning

"Freshen up" means to wash oneself, groom, or tidy up in order to look and feel cleaner.

Usage: "I'm going to quickly freshen up in the bathroom before we head to dinner."

Synonyms: Wash up, clean up, spruce up.

You will not find 'washing your fanny vulva' in any description of 'freshening up' anywhere!

Some peoples minds go to some bizarre places. And the man the OP has been seeing sounds about 13. Grim as fuck. As I said earlier in the thread, they have already shagged, and IMO him saying 'make sure you wash your growler (vile term,) is a hint that he thinks she smells down there.

@Datingwoee Did you dump him?!

.

How did your date go?

This - its bloody bizarre!

Freshen up to me means, brush teeth, have a wash/quick shower and get changed into fresh clothes etc

Not once have I ever thought "freshen up" meant just wash your vagina 🤣 - does this mean men cant freshen up ever since they dont have one?!

OP how are you doing ? Do you have an update for us?

But funnily enough, not any man I know ...

I suppose it kind of does pop up for me too but literally just in a 'freshen up' way, I don't start thinking of 'whiffy growlers' or some of the stuff I've seen on social media with men talking about scampi fries and bits of ham sticking to legs and talk about womens vaginas in such a degrading way.

It's no different than if a woman said she was going to the bathroom and a man asked her if she was going to take a big shit. Like why? Just gross and weird that it pops into peoples heads and they deem it appropriate enough to say it out loud.

On the basis of you asking this question and not being sure… indicates that you are way too vulnerable to be dating anyone. Do some very serious work on yourself first.

🤣 thanks for the laugh

Thats given me the ick!

Why don't you tell him you found his joke in very poor taste? You'll know if he's worth seeing again by the way he apologises

Omg. So disrespectful. If that were me, he'd be blocked.

Gosh - how uptight are all of you pulling sick faces and being all snooty over a literal message? It's just a joke, it really wasn't that deep. I'd have laughed. It was the fifth date, not the first. Get over yourself.

Disgusting. Next!

It would be a red flag for me, especially if you have only seen him 5 times.

Freshen up does have sexual overtones in it.

I'd block that, never mind cancel it. Sounds like something my DH's awful brother would say. Run away as fast as you can.

Cancel

Oh, that's unfortunate. Book in for a sexual health check and move on!

I'm here with 3 other people and we all agree that it was ridiculous but funny. Based on the comments I am seeing here, for goodness sake people get a sense of humour.

Gotta love a false consensus. Argumentum ad populum!

His comment is no big deal besides you had to move the time which may have inconvenienced him. Go ahead with the date.

Unless you'd somehow been talking about "growlers" and this is some kind of in-joke between the two of you, this is fcking rank. What on earth is he thinking?