AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

But you might also still have some self respect?

What a dosser you’ve got 2 options.

1. Put a small bathroom bin next to his side of the bed and ask him to use it.

2.Or just dump him. him I would go with option 2.

Nowt wrong with cats and purple!
I am very much embracing much of what is mentioned in that poem.
Being single isn’t disastrous either. It’s definitely better than being with a selfish oaf/oik.

@Slv199
Oh this sounds unpleasant.
You deserve so much more. Be kind to yourself and ditch him.

You’re not old if you’re still fertile, and I bet you’re not ugly either. Maybe this man is not sure how to use condoms. I’d bring this up and have a proper discussion.

No way should OP lower herself to having a discussion with the man! Have you read her replies?

Stop having sex with people you can't even talk to about safe sex. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Being a bloke I 'm not really sure how to define "the ick" but I think this might be it...and quote the other Mumsnet staple response LTB !

red flag. Dump.

I’ve told him he left a condom inside me. Is that not discussing it?

Being single really isn't so bad. I don't get why women are ok to put up with this kind of rubbish just so they can be in a relationship. Is it the fear of loneliness?? The social stigma?? I just don't get it. Being single is so nice and easy.

That sounds pretty disgusting tbh, be careful OP ❤️

You say that like it's a bad thing. I like purple and have 2 cats.
Men are overrated. Be a proud swamp witch. We have all the fun trust me 😺😈

I wonder if it’s his way of showing disgust and disdain for using condoms. Some men get really pissy about them and by sabotaging their proper use it’s a way of sending a message about how much he hates them. Even leaving them in your bed is saying “you can deal with them since you insist on them”. Which you were absolutely right to do of course, both as a double up on contraception and for broader sexual health reasons.

Sorry if I am being patronising but I used condoms for my main method of contraception for years due to being unable to use hormones and found it best to ‘take control’ of withdrawal myself so I could make sure it was done properly.

Well no because apparently he didn't reply... thats not acceptable discussion? You need to be an adult if you are having sex with strangers and make sure you are practicing safe sex.

If he didn't feel it come off, he sure as hell knew when he pulled out and there was no condom. So he purposely put you in an unsafe position.

It’s the loneliness that’s the killer…

That's what friends are for.

That’s why I’m being an adult and not having sex with him or seeing him again.

I’ll just conjure some of those up with my magic wand.

Pregnancy test is negative but I’ll take another in a few days just to be sure.

You can make friends. From groups, hobby classes, online etc.

Much the same way you found this prince, but they won't violate you in this way.

It's a quote from a very well known poem ...

Warning, by Jenny Joseph.

But you had to ask an online forum if it was acceptable behaviour....
And you didn't immediately stop having sex when he ignored your discussion about the condom.

You have children... you can't afford to be so naive with sex and strangers.

From a male perspective:

Withdraw reasonably promptly after ejaculating so loss of erection doesn't risk 'spillage'.

Remove condom, again avoiding chance of spilling, knot it off and flush/bin.

Basic health education stuff.

Now why didn’t I think of that…