AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

That's gross. What if it came off properly inside you and you had to fish it out, or didn't realise it was in there. He cares nothing for your health. Twice is twice too many.

Agree, he is disgusting.

That's not what I aimed to do, Op, apologies if that's how my post made you feel.

I was trying to tell you that you are worth more than the treatment you have received.

Seriously? What the actual fuck ? Op has only had sex with him a few times. It’s not like she saw a homeless junkie and thought I’ll shag him!
the judgement on this post for a woman who has done nothing wrong is astounding.
i had a man leave a condom in me and not tell me before.i didn’t know for two days !

Don't get me wrong, I haven't had to use condoms in a long time, but how does that even work? How is it possible to not pull them out when he pulls out?

OMFG this is vomit territory!! 😳

He'd never get near me again. Condom or no condom.

I assume she means it falls off? Which is not assault, but yes he should tell her so she can get the MAP, and if it happens often this seems very strange, as it's normally very rare. It shouldn't be falling off.
Now if you mean he pulls it off and puts in inside-that is awful! But surely not? And yes, he should put it in a bin, or at least in a wrapper on the side.

Ive not rtft but this is disgusting and disrespectful behaviour.

Sorry you're getting a hard time OP. You don't deserve it - it's your 'partner' who deserves that, not you. But there are always people on here who like sticking the boot in. Just ignore them.

He knew how to put it on so don’t think it’s his first rodeo. Now people have mentioned it he doesn’t hold the condom when he withdraws.

I won’t be having sex with him again though as I’m not completely sure he’s not stelthing.

Disgusting pig. Inside you??? Dont have sex with him again

You mean wearing two? No. Unless he’s getting his own out and using the one I give him.

He should absolutely NOT be leaving them inside you. Are you sure he's not stealthing? (Taking off the condom during sex without the other partner knowing.) That is horrendous and exposes you to pregnancy and STDs. Definitely a sackable offence, as it shows that he hardly has your best interests in mind.

What used to really irritate me back in the days before marriage was that MOST men would pull out sharply and the condom would end up halfway up his dick. I think they were trying to cop a slight no-condom feel on the way out. The proper way for a man to take a condom off is to hold it at the base while he slides out.

Sorry, OP. Any man who would do this is immature and careless, and doesn't care about you.

It’s not at least half the time. I think I meant occasions rather than times.

Oh op he sounds grim, I hope you are ok, some people have been mean on here I guess they think it’s ’tough Love’? Idk but nobody in a sexual health clinic would speak to you like that or judge you like has happened here, please don’t let them scare you off going and getting a clean bill of health so you can rest easy.

fair play for saying you will end it with him.
i have experienced similar and given the benefit of the doubt, things didn’t improve.

look after yourself and see this as you building your list of red flags and acceptable behaviour etc for when you’re ready to date again

Sorry OP but if you’ve had sex more than once in one day/night then does this mean you’ve had sex with him 1-2 days. So the weird condom behaviour has happened a couple of times in the same day.

I just wonder if it’s new and he’s got overexcited and kinda forgotten?! IDK. Just seems a bit strange. Having a cuppa etc all seems normal so feels a bit of an mis match of behaviour!

anyway - I hope you’re ok. You can never know these things until they happen!

To be honest, I find men just aren't worth the effort. The cat ladies with purple hair (or whatever the stereotype is) are probably the happiest women among us.

Who's done this to you?

Whoever they were, they did it because of how shit they felt about themselves

Ack...so 50-75% of the time its been left in totally inappropriate places?? Thats a terrible track record. Got. To. Go.

Chuckle about the coil...but good to get checked since he does sound icky and if its coming off IN you and since this is a new (and hopefully done) relationship...who else has it happened with?? The exposure should elicit 😬(and 😳😱), not his asinine response. Here's to better future men (or just shags)!

He doesn’t know I have a coil because I always worry if I tell men they will pressure me not to use condoms. No he hasn’t told me the condom has come off. I told him this time it had. He didn’t freak out about STIs or pregnancy. Last time it happened I found out that my coil had slipped and I freaked out and took about 5 tests before I convinced myself I wasn’t pregnant. I fear he would be pleased if I was pregnant. At least from the way he goes on about his other children. I cannot do it again and am freaked out at being pregnant. I don’t trust the coil after the last one slipped.

Tell him to dispose of the condom properly! He should know what to do and is being highly disrespectful.

Apology accepted. It’s easy to misinterpret comments.

I’m sorry OP, this is awful. And please please don’t put yourself down like the way you have on this thread. You’re worth so much more than this and so are your kids. If you do want to find someone special you will but please raise the bar xxxx

I have a pregnancy test waiting but I don’t need to pee at the moment.

Let’s just hope it’s negative.