AIBU to think my friend's reaction over trip costs is bizarre?

[mendocino22]

Not sure where/how to even post this, but here goes. Names changed for obvious reasons. My friend (Jane) wanted to do a trip - with me and another girl (Sarah). So three of us.

Sadly, Sarah's father died just over a week ago. It was unexpected and a huge shock. The father lives abroad.

I suggested cancelling/postponing the trip which is in 4 weeks time.

Sarah said that me and Jane should go since we'd all paid for it etc... (Sarah had already paid her share of the accommodation/villa).

Obviously, I don't expect Sarah to be out of pocket - and we are within the cancellation window - where we can cancel without any fees. Jane wants to still go on the trip (just me and her).

I said to Jane that she and I could just get a hotel instead of this villa - since a hotel is a lot easier when there's two of you. She said 'no' and remains completely set on this villa.

I said I'd obviously be happy to pay more given Sarah wasn't coming (since her father died). Jane said she wouldn't be happy to pay extra.

In short; I said I'd be happy to pay for Sarah's share entirely. So basically, I'd pay 2/3 and Jane would pay 1/3 even though there'd just be two of us now.

I said this because Sarah only last week had to pay for a last minute flight since her father doesn't live in the UK and had to rush out of the country.

Jane took this to mean that Sarah was getting a 'good deal' and said if Sarah was getting her share of the accommodation paid for - I should cover Jane's too. Her reasoning for this was because the trip was her (Jane's) idea, she'd done all the planning, restaurant reservations etc... so she felt like she'd done all the legwork.

But to me, why would Sarah be getting a 'good deal' when she wouldn't be paying for a villa she's not staying at?! Also, her father just died!

AIBU to think this is bizarre from Jane?! This is such petty behaviour.

cop in to yourself she is a selfish motherfucking user

I think that just about sums it up

Jane is a massive bitch, who I wouldnt want to spend a day with, let alone a holiday

Jesus Christ, with friends like this who the hell needs enemies! Cancel the trip and Cancel this friendship with Jane immediately!!

Unless anyone is going to stand up and say otherwise, I think the YABU votes are from people who can’t understand why you’re still considering going with Jane.

Cancel Jane entirely.

Just cancel it, and maybe tell Jane to go fuck herself.

Jane’s a CF .. cancel it as soon as you can

I’m speechless!! Why don’t you stand up for yourself??

And this

I would not go on holiday with Jane; definitely more weirdness to come.

With friends like Jane...!!!

Cancel and give Sarah her money back. It's the most logical and kind thing to do. If Jane isn't willing to do this, and get a hotel instead, I'd honestly not go with her. She has shown you who she is, believe her.

Its not Sarah's fault that her father died and she had to cancel.The sensible choice would have been to cancel the villa and rebook with a hotel as you suggested. I would not want to travel with such a selfish and insensitive person as Jane. I would book my own solo holiday and pay the price I was comfortable with. When you travel alone you empower yourself by not having to depend upon other people.

I recall arranging a holiday with "friend" in which I did all the booking and leg work. Friend insisted on a more expensive hotel as she did not want to "go too far down market" and almost everything such as length of stay, means of travel etc was her choice. Shortly before the departure (and outside the cancellation frame) she flaked due to an expensive car bill. We were outside the insurance window so were bound to lose all the money we had paid. Friend insisted she could not scrape up the spending money so I travelled alone and really enjoyed the holiday. That was the last time I attempted to travel with another person.

Hi,

Thanks for the replies. I can’t cancel it myself since I didn’t book it. Jane did. I’m friends with Sarah - and Jane is a newer friend (who I only
know via Sarah) hence the quick reaction to not leave Sarah out of pocket. It was me who suggested cancelling the whole trip altogether since Sarah has flown home after her father died. Jane is the planner of the trip since it’s a trip on her ‘turf’ (in her country). I am only too happy to not go. Jane seems very put out I think because of the effort she went to, to plan it. I understand that - but the sensitivity chip that’s missing has floored me. I’d rather not go, but Jane would need to cancel it herself. All I was trying to do, was not leave Sarah out of pocket.

That’s exactly what I was trying to do. Jane wasn’t up for cancelling the villa as I said in my OP.

(She booked the villa, not me or Sarah).

Then just tell her you aren't going either and she needs to cancel and refund you both or find 2 other people to go with who will reimburse you and Sarah.

YANBU to think that Jane is behaving very oddly (and greedily) over this sad scenario.

But it would now be unreasonable to go on holiday with her given what you now know she thinks is normal.

Since you are still in the cancellation period, the most sensible thing to do would be to cancel the villa straight away. And tell Jane that it’s cancelled when you have done it.
If she then wants to rebook it for herself, that’s up to her.

You will then have a choice….
Go alone and book other single accommodation. Or..
Find another friend to go with. Or…
Forfeit your flight and then book to go later with Sarah.

Hope you can get it sorted asap.

Let Jane know you won't pay and you won't go and it's her choice from now.

How is this actually possible? Have you not read the OP’s posts? Or even the last general one published before yours?

No way would I want to go after such behaviour from Jane. What an arsehole!

I would tell her in clear terms that you are not going, have canceled your transport, and that she must cancel before it becomes non refundable. That if she doesn’t cancel it is her responsibility. Copy Sarah only so that Jane can’t say she didn’t understand and now you owe her money.

Oh and click info on your message and screenshot that it has been read.

No doubt at all that Jane will try and say she didn’t know.

If she doesn’t respond, tell her you can see she’s read the message and will assume she’s going ahead bearing all costs or that she’s canceled.

I wouldn't go with Jane, she's appalling.

Tell her you're not going and to cancel while she still can without penalty. If she doesn't, tough titty.

Cancel it. Go when the three of you can go

Like fuck would I go anywhere with her now!
She's awful.

Have you paid Jane yet? If not, I would like ell her you're not staying in the villa so she needs to cancel. I wouldn't be going on holiday with her at all. She sounds vile.

Jane is a freak.