AIBU to think my friend's reaction over trip costs is bizarre?

[mendocino22]

Not sure where/how to even post this, but here goes. Names changed for obvious reasons. My friend (Jane) wanted to do a trip - with me and another girl (Sarah). So three of us.

Sadly, Sarah's father died just over a week ago. It was unexpected and a huge shock. The father lives abroad.

I suggested cancelling/postponing the trip which is in 4 weeks time.

Sarah said that me and Jane should go since we'd all paid for it etc... (Sarah had already paid her share of the accommodation/villa).

Obviously, I don't expect Sarah to be out of pocket - and we are within the cancellation window - where we can cancel without any fees. Jane wants to still go on the trip (just me and her).

I said to Jane that she and I could just get a hotel instead of this villa - since a hotel is a lot easier when there's two of you. She said 'no' and remains completely set on this villa.

I said I'd obviously be happy to pay more given Sarah wasn't coming (since her father died). Jane said she wouldn't be happy to pay extra.

In short; I said I'd be happy to pay for Sarah's share entirely. So basically, I'd pay 2/3 and Jane would pay 1/3 even though there'd just be two of us now.

I said this because Sarah only last week had to pay for a last minute flight since her father doesn't live in the UK and had to rush out of the country.

Jane took this to mean that Sarah was getting a 'good deal' and said if Sarah was getting her share of the accommodation paid for - I should cover Jane's too. Her reasoning for this was because the trip was her (Jane's) idea, she'd done all the planning, restaurant reservations etc... so she felt like she'd done all the legwork.

But to me, why would Sarah be getting a 'good deal' when she wouldn't be paying for a villa she's not staying at?! Also, her father just died!

AIBU to think this is bizarre from Jane?! This is such petty behaviour.

Hasn’t Jane missed the elephant in the room - not only is Sarah missing her holiday, she’s lost her dad as well. Hardly a good deal! And now she expects free accommodation.

it was very generous for you to pay for Sarah’s share.

Try to force her hand here. Tell her bluntly that you simply won't be going out of consideration for Sarah, that you would also like your money back and should be able to have it because you are within the cooling off period for cancellation. She can go on her own if she wishes.

Cancel ,I don’t think I could enjoy my holiday with someone so selfish

Cancel altogether ..
or discuss with Sarah.
The trip might be what she feels she needs.

Jane will not be fun.

Cancel!! And go again when Sarah is up to it. I'd consider dumping Jane too. She sounds awful 😞

Agree to be blunt with Jane in writing and say she needs to cancel and that as she has enough notice to do it without penalty it will be entirely on her to pay if she doesn’t as you won’t be going or paying. Like you, I might have gone on the toned down version, changed the villa etc as annual leave has been booked etc but her attitude and entitlement is so horrible that I wouldn’t want to go at all now.

I voted YABU meaning you’d be barking mad to pay for 2/3rds of a trip. I read your post twice wondering if I’d missed something - cancel the trip woman!!! Jane is a freeloader and won’t be fun on holiday - you’ll be left to pick up her meal tabs as well. The absolute cheek of it.

Cancel the trip. What a cow thinking Sarah got a good deal! I recently lost my dad, I didn't know how much work had to be done regarding administration when someone dies on top of planning a funeral. 2 months on I'm still trying to navigate it. I don't think I've had time to grieve yet.

Your friend can claim her costs on her travel insurance

“Jayne, I think it’s really insensitive to carry on with the trip given that Sarah’s dad has passed away. Can you please cancel and refund myself and Sarah and I will rebook at a time in the future to save you the hassle when Sarah is grieving less and it will give her something to look forward to”.

Have you actually paid any money OP? I'd be telling Jane that I no longer wish to go and, as you're within the cancellation window, you expect any paid money returned (after any admin fees deducted by holiday company). Put it in a text so you have it in writing. If she asks, it's up to you whether you make an excuse up (supporting Sarah?) or just be honest and say you're not comfortable with her thinking about splitting of costs due to Sarah's absence.

If she's being like this before the trip, one can only imagine what she'd be like once you're away.

Now I am thinking that the ‘villa’ was very very cheap or even free, (belongs to a family member) and she has taken both of your money. That’s why she doesn’t want to cancel it or refund it.

Be careful out there.

I would cancel, what a stupid cow.

Yes, this. She’s got the villa cheap or free and that’s why she’s refusing to swap to a hotel.
I’m assuming she has already taken your money? Damn. You migh5 have to write that off.What does Sarah think of her so called friends behaviour? I appreciate she has bigger things to worry about at the moment tho, so I guess you don’t want to bother her.
Jane has already spent the cash.

Jane is a complete and utter cow, completely lacking in any empathy whatsoever. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to go on the trip with her now anyway so I’d be cancelling the villa and refunding everyone. And then I wouldn’t speak to Jane ever again.

I think you have to put your foot down. And tell her in no uncertain terms that the holiday is being postponed or cancelled as you will not go without Sarah and you will not cover all the accom cost. You need to be very direct and clear

Personally, I’d cancel and rebook for sometime in the future when Sarah has at least started to come to terms with losing her father. Just doesn’t sit right with me to go off on a jolly when a close friend is planning her dads funeral.

Jane is a nasty bitch and she is not yours or Sarah’s friend and should be ashamed of herself. I would never speak to her again.

Don’t go with her it will be the holiday from hell.

Just cancel the whole thing. Sounds too stressful. Start again if needs be. Poor Sarah.

Have you paid anything?

I can't see this friendship group surviving this.

Although Jane would have to cancel the booking, you can tell her that you aren’t going. She can decide if, after all her hard work 🙄 doing the admin for what is as much her holiday as yours, she still wants to go alone or find someone else.

I wouldn’t have cancelled until she said you should pay for her holiday. Someone has to place the booking and I have never heard of that person getting a free holiday for doing it.

If you go she will expect you to pay for everything whilst you’re there being as she’s organised it.

I can’t fathom how you can be friends with someone who can behave in such an obnoxious way but there’s been no signs before. I wouldn’t be spending another moment in her company let alone wondering about how best to now arrange your trip away. No one I know would do this.

Abso fucking lutely