AIBU to think my friend's reaction over trip costs is bizarre?

[mendocino22]

Not sure where/how to even post this, but here goes. Names changed for obvious reasons. My friend (Jane) wanted to do a trip - with me and another girl (Sarah). So three of us.

Sadly, Sarah's father died just over a week ago. It was unexpected and a huge shock. The father lives abroad.

I suggested cancelling/postponing the trip which is in 4 weeks time.

Sarah said that me and Jane should go since we'd all paid for it etc... (Sarah had already paid her share of the accommodation/villa).

Obviously, I don't expect Sarah to be out of pocket - and we are within the cancellation window - where we can cancel without any fees. Jane wants to still go on the trip (just me and her).

I said to Jane that she and I could just get a hotel instead of this villa - since a hotel is a lot easier when there's two of you. She said 'no' and remains completely set on this villa.

I said I'd obviously be happy to pay more given Sarah wasn't coming (since her father died). Jane said she wouldn't be happy to pay extra.

In short; I said I'd be happy to pay for Sarah's share entirely. So basically, I'd pay 2/3 and Jane would pay 1/3 even though there'd just be two of us now.

I said this because Sarah only last week had to pay for a last minute flight since her father doesn't live in the UK and had to rush out of the country.

Jane took this to mean that Sarah was getting a 'good deal' and said if Sarah was getting her share of the accommodation paid for - I should cover Jane's too. Her reasoning for this was because the trip was her (Jane's) idea, she'd done all the planning, restaurant reservations etc... so she felt like she'd done all the legwork.

But to me, why would Sarah be getting a 'good deal' when she wouldn't be paying for a villa she's not staying at?! Also, her father just died!

AIBU to think this is bizarre from Jane?! This is such petty behaviour.

Jane has shown her true colours and I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with her ever. I would be cancelling.

I agree with this.

I’d take into account the sunk costs fallacy. Sure you’d have already lost money but if you went and had a terrible holiday (which I can’t imagine you wouldn’t with a cow like Jane) then you would’ve wasted even more money plus your time. She’ll be expecting you to pay for her meals/days out. She’ll complain about everything. She’ll probably even be nasty about Sarah. That’s not a holiday, it’s just torture.

You realise you don't have to go, right? You can just not go/turn up?

Be honest; do you really want to spend a holiday all alone with Jane? Knowing what she is like and has shown her true colours? The atmosphere won't be great, and she will start a fight over the situation once there. You know that, right? Don't go!!!

Jane’s a twunt. Tell her you no longer want the holiday and need your money back.

Sarah needs friends. In this difficult moment the least you can do is to cancel until she's able to resume the holiday, good friends would respect that difficult moment.

Moreover you're still able to cancel, I wouldn't think twice. There are all the right conditions to postpone, and in this difficult moment all of you have been lucky as to having the chance to reschedule.

Why forcing this trip without Sarah? Real friends should be happy to wait, as Sarah would certainly need some time with friends when she comes back after the funeral.

As for Jane, I think there is something else going on. She's possibly jealous of your financial situation and couldn't control her envy, or for some personal reasons she's jealous of Sarah.

For all of the three of you this is a good chance to know better who your friends really are and what their personality is.

So basically you won’t get your money back as you’ve ask pre paid. She’s holding you over a barrel and blackmailing you into going.

She’s shown you who she is. Friendship over. You’ll have a horrible time if you go on her terms as you’ll resent her the whole time.

How much money will you lose if you don’t go?

Unless Jane is a professional travel agent she should not expect to get paid for the legwork.
Your mistake was being too generous and letting Jane insist on the villa despite it being more expensive andher not being willing to pay extra- you should simply have said we both meet half of thde extra cost or the trip is off.
People like Jane once they know you will step in and pay extra will want a full ride. It isn't petty it's manipulative and financially exploitative-not normal at all.

Jane sounds like a total cunt.

I wouldn't want to go at all in light of her behaviour. I'd just feel uncomfortable around here and unable to relax.

Jane needs to cancel the trip as she can still get a full refund and it would then be nice to rebook it at a later date when Sarah is feeling more like a trip away.

I get she might not want to pay for half of Sarah's costs, but then wanting you to pay for her share too is unhinged.

Jane, the context for the trip is completely altered as a result of Sarah's bereavement and inability to attend. Given that Sarah is unable to go, I am also unable to go because the friendship between us has broken down in the wake of your demands for money despite not being out of pocket yourself. I find your behaviour insensitive to Sarah and unfair to myself.

We are still at a point where the trip can be cancelled and the monies returned. In light of the change in circumstances, please understand clearly that I am insisting that the villa is cancelled and the monies returned before the end of this week.

Given that this request is a reasonable response to an unforeseen change in circumstances, I will be taking legal action through the small claims court if you do not comply.

Tell her you can’t go anymore as well, so she needs to cancel the whole trip.

I wouldn’t be going on holiday on my own with someone who doesn’t seem to have an ounce of empathy. Stay clear of her.

If it's already paid & it's her home country, isn't the likelihood that Jane will just go by herself?

Or can she be forced to cancel & refund?

I don't think you should even consider covering the 2/3 cost for the villa. As there is no third person now, you either pay half or cancel the villa and book a hotel.

Tell your friend Jane, the previous arrangement was split between the 3 of you, Now there is only 2 of you, so its halves.

I also think the way Jane is controlling everything, I don't think you will enjoy yourself with her on holiday. It would be better to cancel and book again when the 3 of you can go again together.
Why do want to go with Jane after getting these kind of vibes even before going?

Goodluck!

This! THIS!!! Send this!

1 cancel the entire trip and give everyone their money back.
2 decide whether you wish to spend any time with this odd person
3 when friend is needing space after funeral book a trip somewhere with her

I also wouldn’t go with Jane, she doesn’t sound very nice or understanding and it sounds like you haven’t known her long?
It is up to you what you tell her - make up an excuse, say you want to postpone indefinitely until Sarah can come too (but then don’t rebook), or tell her straight that you were covering Sarah’s portion because her dad has just died suddenly and you only did that out of kindness to benefit Jane so that the trip could still go ahead but since she has been petty and not understanding you don’t want to go anymore.

I think the death of a parent is something some people don’t really understand unless they’ve lost someone. One of my friends didn’t behave very well a few weeks after my mum died (I wanted to go on a last minute birthday trip to get away and she cancelled on the day because she was anxious). When her dad died at a later date she said she then understood what it’s like to experience grief. Even so, I do regret forgiving her as it turned out to be a sign that she was very self absorbed and a few years later we are no longer friends. In your situation, the quibbling over money and saying Sarah is getting a good deal is a step beyond for me and I would step away from Jane

Well I wouldn’t want to go with Jane anymore frankly, you should demand she cancels and ask for a refund.

Definitely cancel going with Jane, is the holiday definitely cancellable/refundable her end?

Surely the things she's organised can be postponed?

She sounds horrible.

Jane is a cheeky fucker !!
do not go !!

There's one thing if Jayne can't afford to pay for Sarah's share genuinely. But her behaviour thinking her share should be paid for too is just hideous.

She's trying to get the whole villa to herself and paid for by you two. She's banking on you not going.

Jane sounds unreasonable but wouldn’t Sarah get her share back from her travel insurance- death of a parent would normally be a covered cancellation reason.

Text Jane that you are NOT going.
Tell her to cancel.
Back away from her.
Do not go on holiday with her ever.

Awful woman.

Make it clear by text your wish for her to cancel and return your full amount and Sarah's, due to her father's death, as it's within the cancellation window.

You can go via the small claims if she messes you about.

Jane has shown you very clearly who she is, believe her.

I'd be telling her to get to Fuck frankly, cancel the trip and get lost!

Don't pay her a penny if she has time to cancel without paying.

She's an utter megabitch and not a person I'd associate with at all.