AIBU to think my friend's reaction over trip costs is bizarre?

[mendocino22]

Not sure where/how to even post this, but here goes. Names changed for obvious reasons. My friend (Jane) wanted to do a trip - with me and another girl (Sarah). So three of us.

Sadly, Sarah's father died just over a week ago. It was unexpected and a huge shock. The father lives abroad.

I suggested cancelling/postponing the trip which is in 4 weeks time.

Sarah said that me and Jane should go since we'd all paid for it etc... (Sarah had already paid her share of the accommodation/villa).

Obviously, I don't expect Sarah to be out of pocket - and we are within the cancellation window - where we can cancel without any fees. Jane wants to still go on the trip (just me and her).

I said to Jane that she and I could just get a hotel instead of this villa - since a hotel is a lot easier when there's two of you. She said 'no' and remains completely set on this villa.

I said I'd obviously be happy to pay more given Sarah wasn't coming (since her father died). Jane said she wouldn't be happy to pay extra.

In short; I said I'd be happy to pay for Sarah's share entirely. So basically, I'd pay 2/3 and Jane would pay 1/3 even though there'd just be two of us now.

I said this because Sarah only last week had to pay for a last minute flight since her father doesn't live in the UK and had to rush out of the country.

Jane took this to mean that Sarah was getting a 'good deal' and said if Sarah was getting her share of the accommodation paid for - I should cover Jane's too. Her reasoning for this was because the trip was her (Jane's) idea, she'd done all the planning, restaurant reservations etc... so she felt like she'd done all the legwork.

But to me, why would Sarah be getting a 'good deal' when she wouldn't be paying for a villa she's not staying at?! Also, her father just died!

AIBU to think this is bizarre from Jane?! This is such petty behaviour.

Has anyone actually paid anything yet?
If not Sarah isn't out of pocket - good.
You can tell Jane you aren't coming and won't be giving her any money so you recommend she cancels the booking.

You don't want to get stuck "on her turf" with her, she'll be a nightmare know it all bossing you around.

If for some mad reason you do still want to go definitely go for separate hotel rooms or nothing so you aren't stuck with her when you don't want to be!

This reminds me of a friend who was telling me about how they split their rent in a 2 bed home - couple and a single. I’d assumed Couple paid more as they are 2 people. Friend was incredulous! No, her room with her bf was cheaper than the other single person as they had to share!! Lesson from
this is - people can really twist their logic when it comes to what’s fair with money. OP, your friend is crazy. tell her that out of respect for your bereaved friend you’ve decided to cancel.

Whaaaat?!

This is one of the worst examples of CFery I have ever read on Mumsnet. How unbelievably grabby, heartless and tone deaf of her!

She's demanded absolutely everything should be on her terms and now also wants you to pay for her to even go on the blinking holiday at all?! This would be end of friendship for me, OP, she's really shown you who she is.

What has she been like as a friend up until this kicked off? Although for me it'd be academic, I couldn't feel the same way about a friend if they behaved this way. Unbelievable.

Sorry I clicked YABU in error 😂 of course you aren’t…

Sorry Jane, I’ve had a change of heart, like you I am no longer happy to cover Sarah’s portion of villa costs so we will have to cancel the trip. You understand
, of course, that it wouldn’t be fair for us not to pay the same for the same accommodation.’

I would say - yes you are right - you need to pay half of Sarah's portion or we need to cancel.
She sounds thoughtless and I wouldn't want to stay friends with her. I'd say: i don't think its kind for us to go without her - lets cancel the villa.

Cancel the whole thing. Jane sounds like a nightmare and selfish .

You can just click on the one you wanted and it will change your vote

I'd be cancelling.
Both the holiday and the friendship.

You are a nice friend. Jane is taking the piss.

Me thinks Jane is on crack!

Tell jane to FOXTROT OSCAR.
cancel.

I would absolutely not be paying to spend time with Jane who sounds like a monster. I agree with other posters I'd just confirm I'm not going and tell her why. Hopefully you haven't already sent the money.

Who needs enemies when you’ve got a friend like Jane floating around…..

Jane is batshit and would not make a good holiday companion. Why on earth would you pay for her costs as well.

Tell her that you are not going without Sarah and that she needs to cancel so that you can all get your money back. Next time, make sure you are in charge of booking it, or don't go.

Is this going to be another "cancel the cheque" thread?

@mendocino22 what has been paid to date and to whom? How much will you be out of pocket if you don't go but Jane doesn't cancel?

You need to pull out to and tell Jane she'll need to cancel the whole thing (as you said she booked it so needs to cancel it).

You might lose a 'friend' in the process but she doesn't sounds like much of a friend to lose tbh.

Bizarre.

If you decide not to cancel reply to Jane saying "😂😂😂 are you on glue dear?"

Wow!! Is Jane okay?!!? This is batshit

I voted YABU.

Based on the fact you would be insane to even contemplate not cancelling the whole thing immediately and having to have it spelt out to you on here. Your friend is a total CF. Sarah has had to cancel and you have bent over backwards to make sure Jane isnt inconvenienced too much. Then she thinks you should cover here costs.

Tel Jane to cancel the holiday and dump Jane from your friends list. She isnt worth it.

I wouldn’t be going to the end of my road with Jane after that little stunt so I’d be cancelling the lot- no villa, no hotel, no trip whatsoever.

I hope you haven't paid for your share of the villa. If not, I'd tell Jane where she could stick her holiday given that Jane would then be responsible for her own booking. If you have paid, I don't think she is going to refund you the money whether she cancels the villa or not. As other posters have suggested I do wonder if she got a deal on the villa or a family member owns it and hence her reluctance to change to a hotel.

I wouldn't waste the leave or the spending money on a holiday with Jane even if you don't get a refund for the villa. Going on holiday with her would just add to your resentment. The idea that you should pay for Sarah's share and hence her share as well is just ludicrous. I suspect Jane does not and will not have many friends prepared to holiday with her if this is any indication as to how she normally behaves and it very likely is. The friendship would be utterly over for me. Sometimes friends can be thoughtless or careless, which is forgivable, but this is just deliberate and cheap behaviour and goes to the core of Jane's nature.

Jane is a Mumsnet prize cf 🙄

Just be honest with her? Say you’re disappointed that shes not splitting the villa 50/50 or going to a hotel to economize. It’s unreasonable to expect you to foot 100% the full cost of accommodation. You're aware she can cancel the accomodation anytime without penalty, so you've decided that you’re not going on the trip and will not be paying for the villa.