AIBU to think my friend's reaction over trip costs is bizarre?

[mendocino22]

Not sure where/how to even post this, but here goes. Names changed for obvious reasons. My friend (Jane) wanted to do a trip - with me and another girl (Sarah). So three of us.

Sadly, Sarah's father died just over a week ago. It was unexpected and a huge shock. The father lives abroad.

I suggested cancelling/postponing the trip which is in 4 weeks time.

Sarah said that me and Jane should go since we'd all paid for it etc... (Sarah had already paid her share of the accommodation/villa).

Obviously, I don't expect Sarah to be out of pocket - and we are within the cancellation window - where we can cancel without any fees. Jane wants to still go on the trip (just me and her).

I said to Jane that she and I could just get a hotel instead of this villa - since a hotel is a lot easier when there's two of you. She said 'no' and remains completely set on this villa.

I said I'd obviously be happy to pay more given Sarah wasn't coming (since her father died). Jane said she wouldn't be happy to pay extra.

In short; I said I'd be happy to pay for Sarah's share entirely. So basically, I'd pay 2/3 and Jane would pay 1/3 even though there'd just be two of us now.

I said this because Sarah only last week had to pay for a last minute flight since her father doesn't live in the UK and had to rush out of the country.

Jane took this to mean that Sarah was getting a 'good deal' and said if Sarah was getting her share of the accommodation paid for - I should cover Jane's too. Her reasoning for this was because the trip was her (Jane's) idea, she'd done all the planning, restaurant reservations etc... so she felt like she'd done all the legwork.

But to me, why would Sarah be getting a 'good deal' when she wouldn't be paying for a villa she's not staying at?! Also, her father just died!

AIBU to think this is bizarre from Jane?! This is such petty behaviour.

Have you already paid all of your part? If not, cancel and say you won’t be paying anymore. If you have, cancel and say you want your money back. whether you actually get it back from this selfish prick is questionable, but I wouldn’t want to be on a holiday with someone so clearly lacking a shred of empathy anyway.
As someone who has travelled a lot I usually end up doing the bulk of any travel prep/research when going on a group trip, but I still wouldn’t feel at all put out at having to cancel or adapt plans in this situation.

Jane sounds grabby and venal. A personification of the phrase “someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing”.

I wouldn’t want to know her, let alone go on holiday with her. I would just cancel.

I agree that the villa was either vvv cheap or free, or she's a mega cheap skate and trying her luck. Either way this holiday is doomed, and no way would I go. I hope you haven't given Jane any money yet?

This trip is always going to be tempered by her attitude. I think you just say now that you personally have to cancel. She's essentially a friend of a friend and not a good one at that. I hope that fact she's booked it means she doesn't hold you to ransom. She's disappointed as it's a trip to her own turf...but that is getting in the way of being reasonable.

Something sounds off here.

I wonder if Jane has some sort of deal going with the villa? I’m a cynic so I’d imagine Jane has arranged a villa with a contact she knows and it isn’t quite the cost you think it is.

I imagine Jane has arranged other stuff, restaurants etc to cover her side of the costs she’s not really paying as the villa isn’t costing as much as you think it is.

Ah see I’m not the only one who thinks this. Yeah Jane has spent your money on something else the villa is free or almost free.

Run, cancel this will be an awful time.

As other have said, firmly tell Jane you’re not going and she either needs to front the cost herself or cancel. If you have paid I’d chalk it down to a life lesson. If you go it will be miserable and you’ll be throwing away more money having to holiday with someone who’s staggeringly entitled, selfish and combative. I sadly believe this is just a taster of what is to come.

Run for the hills!

Tell her you no longer want to go because you feel bad for Sarah. Jane will have to cancel to reimburse you. If she doesn't then I would just never see her again.

This

@mendocino22 Even worse that she was introduced to you by the friend who can't now go. I'd say I want a full refund and can't go. No idea where you are legally with this - as in is it theft if she won't cancel and refund?

Have you transferred the Villa money to Jane yet?

Is it still within the cancellation period?

If No and Yes tell Jane you don’t feel comfortable going without Sarah and Jane should cancel the villa.

Have you all paid for flights?

It’s unfortunate because I dare say Sarah doesn’t want added drama of her friends falling out.

OR just go, enjoy the villa etc,

Cancel. This is clearly going to be a disaster. It may be booked in her name but just say “On reflection I think this isn’t going to work for me. Because of everything that’s happened, I don’t want to keep the booking and I know we’re within the cancellation period. If you want to keep the booking then that’s obviously fine but I won’t be coming or making payment towards it, so you’d need to either cancel it now or meet the full costs yourself”.

I think anything less blunt/ clear she won’t “understand”. And yes you might lose a friend but there is no real friend to lose here. Plus with this attitude I can almost guarantee that you’d have a shit time on the holiday anyway.

I would just go and not mention paying anyone’s share to anyone. If Jane asks then just explain it was just a thought but you’re not doing that now. Jane is never going to cancel, as you’ve already asked. To be honest she doesn’t have to change the plans. She’ll end up still going and enjoying it! I personally wouldn’t be paying Sarah back as it’s pretty much assumed on group bookings, if you don’t go you lose your money. I’m sure Sarah doesn’t expect it back either. Yes Jane could have been nice and cancelled it to release her money. But they aren’t close and she spent time researching the area/reviews to get the perfect place which was all agreed beforehand. So I’d still go. If you refuse to go because of the Sarah’s share then you’ll lose money, a holiday and Jane. I wouldn’t lose a friend over it. It might be nice to arrange a trip with Sarah when she feels able to.

Can Sarah claim on her insurance in this scenario and then no one is out of pocket?

Jane sounds like a nightmare.

If you haven't paid anything yet, just tell her you aren't able to come any longer and she had better cancel the villa or pay for it all herself. If you don't have free cancellation on the villa, then the most you should pay is 50% of the cost. You sound like a bit of a pushover and Jane has obviously picked up on that and decided to try her luck. I would not want to go on holiday with someone like that, especially as she isn't really your friend but Sarah's.

How much have you paid and to whom, @mendocino22 ? Do you have a contact for the villa company?

Then just tell her you’re not going and you’d like your money back, please!

"Cancel the villa" is becoming the new "cancel the cheque".

OP has clarified she can't cancel the villa as the booking is with Jane. Only Jane can cancel and she's refused. Looks like Jane will be going on her own then and no one will get a refund.

Hope OP and Sarah can change their flights and go somewhere else together in a few months. Just a wild guess that they won't be inviting Jane!

Tell Jane she can go on her own after her bad attitude! Its a shame but money can bring out the selfish side of a lot of people.

I have the horrible feeling that Jane would still expect the OP to pay all costs while she went on holiday and had the villa to herself!

I would say that as a result of what's happened to Sarah, you no longer feel it's appropriate to go on the trip and request her to cancel. You could add that Jane's reaction has concerned you somewhat and you also do not feel comfortable going on holiday with her. Have you actually parted with any money yet?

This. Or just cancel the villa and go with a hotel instead.

Edit: I would not want my friends to cancel the holiday if I was Sarah.

but if I was OP I probably would not want to go on holiday with Jane after that kind of behaviour!!

I've been Sarah in this situation

In a horrible situation, missing a holiday was the least of my concerns. But I was happy for my friends to go without me

Jane is not your friend, cancel.

That’s why she needs to be clear she wants her money back. If it’s within the cancellation terms, Jane can’t refuse. That would be stealing.