To not make my 4yo wear clothes at home?

[Schnapps00]

4.5yo has always been a bit 'sensory', but for some reason it's really ramped up in the last couple of months and it's got to the point where we can't get her dressed in the morning if it's the weekend/for an outing. Currently travels naked in the car to preschool, wrap her in a towel and her teachers get her dressed inside the door (just T-shirt/shorts) 🙈 She seems to manage fine with them on all day, then will generally keep them on in the evening after nursery (we recently had the same T-shirt on 3 days straight 😬)

It's prolonged screaming/meltdown if we try at home, I've tried many times to just whip on a pair of shorts and pick her up/walk off, but it's thrashing/screaming/kicking/biting/scratching and pulling them down as soon as she's able to, lots of lots of dysregulation, up to 1.5hr bouts for other reasons (if she gets the clothes off she's generally ok again quickly) - general limits or things not going her way will also set her off.

Extends to other areas too, just started refusing nighttime pullup as well (luckily she seems to be mostly night training herself in the process there..!)

I'm not sure if we're setting her up for failure by 'letting' her go naked at home? It's got to the point where she sometimes wants to go out, but just can't deal with any clothes on, which is the part that concerns me/makes me sad.
Possibly related to impending school start, her big sis already goes to it, so she's very aware of change soon.. Extra needs or just exerting control where she can?

It's getting exhausting and I'm wondering where all this ends up..Had an initial chat with HV but no magic wands waved.

Thanks so much for any thoughts!!

This sounds similar to my autistic ds, although he had a sunny disposition, he never kept clothes on at home.

Have you tried different materials to see if any clothes might feel ok for her? The nursery sound lovely. Would a dressing gown work for transport?

AuDHD DS has always just worn pants/boxer shorts at home. Still the same now as a young adult, although does now occasionally stick a T shirt on. Wraps himself in a fleecy blanket to walk around if cold.

I had one that hated wearing clothes, the rule at home was pants had to be worn but if they didn’t want to wear anything else that was fine. That was due to visitors (adults and siblings friends) and I just didn’t think totally naked was appropriate.

however they would wear clothes happily when going out.

Whatever works at home, but as she is almost starting school you will need to sort this issue out. School won’t accept her naked and dress her every day.

You want to try wilbarger brushing. It was life changing for my boy who wouldn’t wear clothes.

can’t work out how to post a link but put it into YouTube and there are instructional videos

Have you tried different options like loose fitting cotton dresses? My daughter used to hate waist bands despite being very skinny. Loose, lightweight cotton jersey dresses were preferred.

There are lots out there with few seams etc as well.

No DD is now 6 & is completely fine with clothes.

My youngest was a naked child (although not to this degree) and was almost always stark bollock naked at home. (We don’t do visitors). Can you negotiate that she can be naked at home but must have clothes on when out. Are there any clothes she “can tolerate”?

Also ponchos/capes might give you coverage without her minding.

Underwear would be a requirement for the sake of household hygiene, but beyond that I wouldn’t mind a lack of clothes at home, but she needs to find things that work for out the house.

It’s one thing with small kids not being keen on wearing clothes, but this sounds extreme and something you don’t appear to be managing. What are your plans for when she starts school? Or a club or activity? The fact that other people manage to dress her suggests perhaps you need to be a bit more firm? Is she trying to assert some control? Can you give her a choice of 2 clothing items and let her pick?

If teachers can dress her then why can’t you? And if she can keep her clothes on at school then why not at home? You’re making a problem for yourself.maybe some less restrictive options would be better, but no clothes is just a problem brewing

Just a gentle reminder to everyone to please be mindful of how much specific, personal information we share about our children on public, anonymous threads. It’s always best to stick to seeking professional advice from your HV or GP for these kinds of complex behavioural concerns.

How’s her communication? Are you able to have a discussion about it and decide on some rules together that you can maybe write down and stick fridge? Or talk about what is bothering her? Is it the feeling of the clothes, seams, the tightness, etc.

Children respond differently to external authority figures and home is the safe place where they can meltdown.

My autistic son went through a phase of undressing himself constantly around 3. I always redressed him, sometimes many, many times a day. The thing is, it's cute and nobody minds when they're 3 or 4 but it's a whole different ballgame when they're 15 and won't keep their clothes on! If the school are managing to dress her and keep her clothed, then you can too. I would persist in getting clothes on her, even if it's just pants and a loose fitting cotton dress.

Yes, I would definitely want pants on even at home.

I think you need to seek help asap as this isn’t sustainable and you need to have a plan. My daughter is autistic and has strong feelings about fabrics and tightness and shoes (been wearing the same pair of trainers in increasing sizes for years now) but therapy really helped her frame her concerns as well as how to help support her. Your situation sounds really extreme and unsustainable though so I’d get some help now.

At four and a half and these issues you need to get professional help. A school will not dress her. And should not be expected to.

I think you need to start to tackle this somehow as this won’t be an acceptable solution to take her to school in a towel and the teacher dress her. You need to seek some professional help then stay consistent.

Ohh we've tried all the clothes we can, ha - just been shopping with her again this eve to try to have her pick things out. Trouble is, her thinking brain is fine with a lot of different things, her body just says no in the moment 🙈 Her nursery staff are fabulous, it's a Montessori preschool and they truly meet each child where they're at, it's brilliant ❤️

Oh, haha if only I'd given her a choice..sorry don't mean to be sarcastic, but it feels like we've tried everything at this point - she'll happily pick out an outfit the night before, then her body just shuts down and won't take it when it comes to it - it's like 2 completely different halves of her body wanting different things! School start is what's concerning me, they also seem fabulous with SEN issues (thank god!), but yes walking her in in a towel is not going to cut it 🙈
She's recently started swimming lessons and manages a swimming costume ok, but it's reduced to essential outings only at the moment unfortunately, she will want to go but in the event just can't manage it. I was in tears in a car park the other day while holding a thrashing banshee and trying to hold shorts up on her :( We gave up and went home after an hour in the carpark. This isn't normal, is it..

If you can let me know less restrictive than a T-shirt, I'm all ears! And how you do make a child put clothes on when they're screaming/thrashing/ripping them off repeatedly? I must be missing something!

Oh I really do too!! We've compromised with a blanket she sits on for now..not ideal.

Did he fight it like a caged tiger? What about outings, did you drop the battle while that was going on or persist in getting him out? Nothing about this seems cute, trust me! Thanks for sharing