To not make my 4yo wear clothes at home?

[Schnapps00]

4.5yo has always been a bit 'sensory', but for some reason it's really ramped up in the last couple of months and it's got to the point where we can't get her dressed in the morning if it's the weekend/for an outing. Currently travels naked in the car to preschool, wrap her in a towel and her teachers get her dressed inside the door (just T-shirt/shorts) 🙈 She seems to manage fine with them on all day, then will generally keep them on in the evening after nursery (we recently had the same T-shirt on 3 days straight 😬)

It's prolonged screaming/meltdown if we try at home, I've tried many times to just whip on a pair of shorts and pick her up/walk off, but it's thrashing/screaming/kicking/biting/scratching and pulling them down as soon as she's able to, lots of lots of dysregulation, up to 1.5hr bouts for other reasons (if she gets the clothes off she's generally ok again quickly) - general limits or things not going her way will also set her off.

Extends to other areas too, just started refusing nighttime pullup as well (luckily she seems to be mostly night training herself in the process there..!)

I'm not sure if we're setting her up for failure by 'letting' her go naked at home? It's got to the point where she sometimes wants to go out, but just can't deal with any clothes on, which is the part that concerns me/makes me sad.
Possibly related to impending school start, her big sis already goes to it, so she's very aware of change soon.. Extra needs or just exerting control where she can?

It's getting exhausting and I'm wondering where all this ends up..Had an initial chat with HV but no magic wands waved.

Thanks so much for any thoughts!!

I know a kid like this, they just can’t cope with clothes at home. They often get dressed/undressed in the car, would that be an option? I can kind of sympathise in that I can cope with fitted clothes while I’m out but the minute I get home I feel itchy and uncomfortable, but I know this is clearly on another level.
Are there other issues that point to SEN or neurodiversity?

Thanks for your thoughts, this is kind of reassuring but also a bit of a concern that we're not going mad..and it is pretty extreme 😔 What age was she when she started the therapy? NHS or private? Thank you. The HV will request a paediatric referral but apparently it's 9m+ wait, or 2yrs+ if it's initiated once she's started school so not much help for now..

Yeah I've tried that as a compromise, she's always willing in theory..but then it ends up either walking in in towel or being carried thrashing/kicking either by me or teachers 🙈 The crazy thing is she's always really happy once she's there & dressed, we often get a photo 10mins later of her smiling/playing, little tinker!

And potentially, yes, she's always been very shy/suspicious of anyone outside immediate family, very fussy eater..other than that nothing too stereotypically autistic, no stimming/intense interests or social difficulties with her peers (although maybe it's too early for that to show?)

It's definitely at the more extreme end of the sensory area to refuse all clothes, but some clothing refusal is really common.

DD is autistic and has always had massive issues with socks, shoes, tight pants. DS has adhd and only wore pants at home for most of the time until about 10.

If you can afford it, a sensory-specialist occupational therapist might be able to help. You'd need to go private. We paid about £450 for a first session, but it was a two hour session and they worked completely with DD and at her pace of being able to explain things.

This might be a transition issue, as much as clothing. So the ability to cope with actually doing the transition from undressed to dressed is too much, rather than coping with being dressed. DD can't cope with getting into a shower, but she's found laying under a weighted blanket beforehand helps to calm her enough to manage it.

He’s 12 and still the same. If he could he would walk around in underwear all day. I have insisted lounge trousers must be worn and underwear in the home. As soon as he gets in he takes his clothes off and the lounge wear comes out. Bare foot at home as well. He was diagnosed as adhd when he was 8. Apparently his clothing issue is part of his diagnosis. As a baby he hated clothes.

That's very helpful, thank you & we'll look into it, I'd redirect our budget for a new kitchen at this point to be able to leave the house normally..!!

Interesting, we didn't really see any issues with clothes until around 2.5, it was (previous) nursery polo shirt that kicked it off..

As a toddler, my DB hated wearing pants and trousers, and spent a fair amount of time barearsed when at home but was fine wearing them when out.

I can recall our DM telling him he'd be in trouble with the police if he went out without trousers and pants on, which seemed to do the trick.

I would ask for ann immediate referral to paediatric team who should be able to send you for sensory needs assessment and then therapy if needed. If you get on the waiting list then if there are problems at school you will hopefully be not too long from an appointment.

I think you might've hit the nail on the head, this really resonates - all we get if we ask her is 'It's annoying' and we know she can apparently cope with the clothes all day at nursery fine - she doesn't rip them off when she gets home and in fact I had a battle the other day removing her t-shirt for bed as it was covered in jam (the irony!). Any ideas how to help her deal with the transitions? I do wonder if it's connected to a general anticipation of the upcoming change, she did say the other day 'I'm not leaving nursery!' I think she feels really at home at the nursery and it's maybe partly sadness at leaving coming out?! They're complicated little people even at this age aren't they 🥺

Sounds like my 4.5 yo. He hates clothes and is always taking them off at home. I got him an all in one in one size bigger than his current size and he absolutely loves it and doesn’t like taking it off now. There are companies that do different types especially for SEN kids/ kids with sensory issues. Think M&S do a specific range too

Tell them they have to get dressed to do x, y, z that they like or they don't get to do it. I don't know how you got to this position, it should never have been allowed in the first place.

You need to make the appointment yourselves and go private. Time is of the essence.

Ooh, thanks, will check this out - it's such a relief to hear there are things out there to try at least! Feels like we've been banging our heads against this brick wall for a while now..

Have you tried a 'social story'?

Make a laminated booklet with photos of her getting up, getting dressed, leaving the house, getting into the car, traveling, getting out of the car, and entering school, then her teachers and friends.

Go over this with her.

Doesn't sound like you've ever had this issue then..🙄 Yes, funnily enough we've tried that and has ended up in tears all round, she's been desperate to do things, but can't put/keep the clothes on. Maybe if you don't have experience in this area refrain from commenting..?

Thank you - this was the one takeaway from the HV visit yesterday, it's next up on the to-do list 👍🏻 It feels like she knows the order of things very well, but just can't manage it for whatever reason, I think from comments here we need to look at support with transitions specifically..

In answer to your question, no this isn’t normal. Does she has any other sensory issues, food, temperature, noise? It sounds really tough OP. My ds is ASD and had some issues, but not to this extreme.

https://www.twinkl.co.uk Has a lot of social stories and templates, and now/next boards. I think you can get a free trial for the paid for stuff, but if you know any primary teachers they quite likely have a subscription.

Thanks, heating that it's more extreme than kids with a ND diagnosis is a bit of a wake-up call tbh..I think we've been hoping it'll just pass but no sign of that yet. Yes to food sensitivity (very picky eater), not with noise/temperature though. It sounds like we'd be justified in pushing for help, I'd just been thinking this was just another parenting hurdle..but I guess if it's outside the range of normal it's ok to seek help 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ah good idea, thank you 👍🏻 Twinkl for the win!

Most GPs will not have much useful advice to offer here, having neither the time or the training to deal with a specific behavioural issue like this - though they can offer a referral. And some of the advice I've had from health visitors over the years (large family...) has been OK, but plenty has also been outdated or ill thought-out. OP is more likely to get helpful advice and idea here than from those sources IME.

I hated wearing clothes for a while between 5 and 8 years old. Would strip to my pants and vest soon as I got in. Also hated wearing socks....still do really. Not autistic or anything, just hated the feeling of material against my arms or legs.

I still get a nails on blackboard feeling if certain material touches my mouth or someone rubs material together say to remove a mark on trousers

This does sound like a struggle with the transition, possibly PDA? The demand of getting dressed is just too much at home when she can be dysregulated, but at school she wants to get on with the next step and it’s not her family/where she can let it all out so she gets on with it and does it. It is extreme tbf, we would’ve had the start of this but tbh clothes outside the house were never optional, mine wouldn’t be going anywhere naked and in a towel to school, I’d have dealt with the meltdowns and physically stopping her from removing them. To exist in the world she has to wear clothes 🤷🏻‍♀️