To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

No is a word.

Hope you had a lovely day, OP 😊

Maybe take them another time .....

Winning stupid comment.

Who on earth has voted OP is being unreasonable?!

Did you give me a stupid comment award LouisaK93? Or were you referencing your own comment?
I had no idea it was a competition!
But I can't accept your award.
You DESERVE IT so much MORE THAN I DO!

I think a bit of compromise is fine ( a train one or two hours later) but if you give in to wasting half the day you’ll be setting a precedent, and regardless of SEN , your son does need to learn at some point the world and you do not 100% revolve around him. I think you should be as upfront as possible and say you’d love them to join - but you are not paying all that money for your day out to be cut short/ spoilt.. Name a time and stick to it, it’s then their choice. If both of them have additional needs it’s arguably even more important for them to start learning that as they reach adulthood not every circumstance, rule or situation will adapt 100% about turn to suit their wishes or even needs. A hard lesson but as important as many you have no doubt battled through during his childhood. Choices have to be made - plane, train, work , courses, appointments, bus timetables etc will not all be flexible to lie ins !!

tell Them they’ll have to get up early and although they think you’re causing stress, tell them it’s not worth going just for a couple of hours, either get up early or they come another time when that’s possible

Hope youve had a fabulous day!!!

She has a job, so she can pay hee fare; if she's tired after wotking (like most of us!), surely she can kip on the train

Young adults? They can pay their own fare. They can also get a later train and meet you there.

It seems to me you are being unreasonable in so far as you're letting them hijack your day out. If it was me and one of my (young adult) children asked to come along, of course I would welcome it. But I would also lay down the details of the day out - train times etc. If he (they if gf is included) can't make the timings then tell them where you're going to be and you look forward to seeing them when they arrive. It's then their decision whether or not to join you and at what time.

@HardyPlumEagle

Only just reading the thread, and I’m so glad you asserted your day out for yourself still!! I hope you had a good time?

You can absolutely organise a different outing that works better for all involved another time.

Lovely that they want to.

(Quite surprised at some of the brutal, condescending, comments too….)

You may have been creating stress from their point of view, however, it absolutely wasn’t for no reason. You wanted more than a couple of hours there, and quite rightly!!

I am glad you did let it get hijacked like they were proposing.

I personally cant stand it when anyone even family start pissing about with plans....originally your plan was to make a day of it...still do that. They can sort themselves out. Her need for a lay in doesnt mean a change of plans for you! If we all had to wait until people got out of bed we'd never make it anywhere

What already sounds like a palava just to go for picnic (multiple trains for heavens sake !!!!) has got even worse now... but if she wants to go just tell her when she needs to be up and ready to go - that is the plan.

Tell them what (early) train you are going to catch and say they’re welcome to join you or meet up with you there later. Do NOT pay for them!

OP I'm glad you got your day to yourself, just the day before.

I am a parent carer to a young adult who isn't independent. If you're anything like me the day out of the house only thinking of yourself will have done you the world of good.

This

OP went yesterday.
She went by herself.
She did NOT pay for anybody else (as they didn't go).

You don’t to explain yourself to them or feel bad. Just say you’re going to go at x time so you can enjoy a full day there as you planned but would love to go with them again another time. Enjoy your time to yourself!

But not enough time for you to do the things you wanted to do…
Continue with your plan, encourage them to join you or suggest that you will go again, with them when she isn’t working.

I think it’s cheeky of the girlfriend to want a later time. It’s understandable she wants the sleep but very cheeky to be disrupting your plans. God when I was that young I’d be happy to tag along and wouldn’t dream of telling the adult what to do 🙄

I hope you had a lovely time OP. I'm an autistic mother of an autistic teenager (not yet adult) and I wouldn't be using the harsh rhetoric of "fit in or fuck off" but I would be using the opportunity to teach social skills and introduce my teen to the concept of bait and switch and see why it isn't a good way to treat people. Bait and switch is when someone makes a plan the other agrees with (eg I'll come with you on your outing) then switches out details to make it something the person would not have agree to up front.
This has the same impact on my trip as fifo, but also means my teen would learn what is going on and not to be the offender of a bait and switch again, and also that they don't need to accept it from others (maybe the girlfriend) in the future.

This. C'mon, OP, woman up!

Just seen that you did just that. Well done, OP! Hope you had a brilliant time.