To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

Could you not compromise and go a little earlier? GF could have a nap on train on way there. Arriving at 2pm when you originally planned to leave early and have a picnic lunch seems a compromise too far.

Or you could go alone tomorrow and spend Sat afternoon doing something else with them. Then, you get your day out. Yet you still get to bond with DS GF.

If GF works she should offer to pay her own fare, though I’d prob be generous and pay it.

This. No point in recreating perfection!

For heaven’s sake, OP, whose feelings about your day out are more important to you — your own, or the family of your child’s current girlfriend?

You’ve made plans. They’re welcome to join you in them, but only if they abide by your original timings.

I would say that on reflection you are going to take the earlier train - they are welcome to join you at the later time.
You could simply not say any more than “because it suits me better” if they ask why, or you could say “I am older than you so if I travel somewhere I want a full day rather than rushing round in two hours” which they also can’t argue with.

And most definitely this.

DS should have just said to his girlfriend that you & he are leaving at 8am if she doesn't want to get up in time then she'll have to give it a miss or catch you up later.

THEY are making it stressy not you. I'd tell them I'd rather go alone now thanks!

If he wants to travel with you then he leaves the same time as you!
If the girlfriend drives why don’t she give you all a lift?

Absolutely!

The other poster doesn't seem to know much about additional needs.

I hadn't read your post about his additional needs when I posted my previous post 🌷

She doesn't drive (it was her parents taking them out)

Nah I think you need to teach them some manners. Your son is being very rude. And you need to tell him that.

"I have made plans for myself. You have asked to join me, I did not invite you. You have then changed my plans and complained that I am being awkward to have a problem with that." "You can't treat people like that, it's really bad manners. My plans are such-and-such, you are welcome to join me. Or you can go by yourselves whenever you want. You will also be paying for yourselves as you have invited yourselves."

Or you'll end up your kid being the bloke everyone avoids and don't tell about their own plans because he's rude and selfish.

Say, sorry love, Iits not a day out on a later train, lets book something for another time for all of us xx

both teens has SEN, her parents drove. at least read ops posts

op has clearly said they do

Sound like it is time for your son to get some travel training https://servicesguide.reading.gov.uk/kb5/reading/directory/service.page?id=6pDCXQfMVOg&familychannel=0

The choice for them is they leave with you at your time, You leave at your time and they join later on or they don’t come.

It is really that simple.

This

Then your reply should be that it’s not stress for no reason, and they need to be aware that they are completely disrupting your plans for the day. Asking to come along is one thing - dictating that you are bound by their timescales is quite another. It would be a big fat no from me - ‘I’m leaving a 8am, or whatever, as I planned. If you’re there, you’re welcome to come along, if not we’ll do it another day’.

agree also. And anyways , maybe she wakes up and changes her mind! Then the entire day would be lost. You do you, and they can join if they wish , then nobody can be let down 🙂

I think your son is now old enough to realise that if he feels stressed it is because he feels stressed and it’s his issue to deal with, no one has caused it. All you did was invite him to join you on your day out. He doesn’t then try and change your day out to suit his girlfriend. If it doesn’t suit he just says “ no thank you “

Honestly op, you do need to show both of them about fairness.

You planned a day, and you wanted to be there 10 - 4, say.

Son could come, because he could do those times. Son's girlfriend can't come, because she can't/doesn't want to do those times. Son doesn't want to come without girlfriend - fine, no hard feelings, we'll do something else another day.

They really have no reason to be cross, because their own circumstances and choice mean they can't make the day as you planned it.

True never the less.

If he’s a young adult, it’s time he learned not to ruin someone else’s plans…fit in , by all means but don’t expect them to change to fit his agenda. The entitlement is too much and he needs to be put in his box..he can go with mum or with gf but mum ain’t gonna change plans for the gf so radically.
jeez, when I was 16, I’d be at the night club till 3 am and up at 6 to go to school. Sleep? What’s that? At that age. Edited autowrong

I would tell them that the arrangement is already decided upon and departure time is XX. If they cannot make it then you will go alone. They can go on another occasion later in th year when the GF can take some holidays. That will give them time to save money for the fares and spends.

How old is DS? Is he old enough to go with GF unacccompanied?

Tell them the time you are leaving, make it one hour later than planned if you feel like being generous, if they can’t make that they can’t come but you can arrange another time.
what work does the girlfriend do and until what time?
I used to work bars and would work until 11.30/12 go out until 6 and be in work the next morning at 10/11.
not every weekend but regularly, oh to be young again.

If she wants to come she has to get up- simple as that , you can't expect people to fundamentally change their plans for your convenience. The rules don't change because you are not used to navigating the girlfriend-hold the line, she's young a couple of hours lost sleep isn't going to kill her.

Sorry I was clearly not paying enough attention. Apologies.