To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

I hope you had a great day @HardyPlumEagle , you need to look after your needs first so I am glad you went and did your own thing!

It's not you creating stress it is them. Go on your own and enjoy Your day. You are the only important person on that day.

They can arrange a time and day which is more convenient for them on Their day out.

I think it’s lovely that your adult son still wants to go on days out with you and I would have definitely said to go with him and his girlfriend.

However, spending £100 on train fares for a couple of hours is not economical so It’s good you didn’t go.

Well just say no and go on your own. It isn’t hard. The amount of women on here who are living, breathing martyrs is astonishing. You don’t get a medal for it.

good for you!

I agree.

I think Mumsnet can be variable but you had good advice here. What they were suggesting changed the character of the day and meant it wasn’t good value for money.

People can be impacted in varying ways by disabilities. It doesn’t mean that they can’t find love!

I hope you had a lovely time. The weather was glorious today!

Hope you had an enjoyable, relaxing time.

I hope you enjoyed your day, I expect it was a lot calmer than if you had gone on the day you planned. Crowds are leaving for the long weekend.

OP please enjoy your day with no regrets .. you deserve it! And report back to us later so we can all revel in your day.

Well I think you should explain to DS that you realise that DGF wants to go later but you really want to go early so they can get trains later and you'll all meet up and have a nice couple of hours together and come home together. You can write out the trains for him and as he's a young adult he should be able to cope. Goodness me my DD went round Europe on her own at 18 and DS went to Oz on his own age 20. A couple of trains in this country shouldn't be beyond his capabilities, and it'll be a good learning curve. He can ask DGF if he has a problem! Go for it!

I hope you had a really lovely day out @HardyPlumEagle

It really is is absolutely ok to say 'that doesn't work for me' when discussing potential alternations to plans you made by yourself, for yourself. That doesn't change because the person in question is your child or because they're disabled - and I say that as a person with a disability.

Just because someone has a disability that makes travel awkward or whatever...does not mean you have to alter EVERYTHING you do.

My friends, my sister - sometimes invite me to things they are doing - I don't expect them to wildly alter that plan to suit me, so if it suits, I go, if it doesn't I do not!

I appreciate it feels different when its your son, not a friend, but this still applies - if you plan together, to do something together, then yeah, his needs have equal weight.
But when it comes to him joining you in something you planned alone, they do not and he really does need to learn that, and honestly the worst people for not teaching kids with disabilities that is their parents as it is second nature to rearrange everything around their needs and prioritise their needs above your own.

It isn't mean, it isn't shitty - it is normal life. If he is old enough to have a girlfriend, then he is also old enough to understand you cannot invite yourself to someone elses plan AND then also change major parameters to suit you and you alone.

Absolutely no! They've stuffed themselves in, and she's working so can pay for herself.

Yes this.

Anything else is self sacrificing to an unhealthy extent.

You had a strong desire to do this - they have a mild interest.

Tell them what time you’re going. If they say that it’s too early, then let them know that it’s a pity your plans don’t work for them and go

You say they have a car - why don’t they drive and meet you there later?

She said the car she mentioned was the girlfriend's parents' I think.

Hello @HardyPlumEagle we have pinned a post from you which explains that your son has SEN. It is just beneath your opening post.
MNHQ

The car belongs to the GF’s parents. Neither DS nor GF drive.

But that doesn’t apply to everyone.

Which is irrelevant because in this context the poster was clarifying SEN in response to posters asking why he couldn’t travel alone.

Neither of them drive. The car belongs to GFs parents.

With SEN. Which you clearly missed.