In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

You're lucky, 11 months and counting for my DP, and yet I'm somehow doing the bulk around the house while working 60-80 hour weeks.

You need to take control of that and knock that on the head firmly
You’re doing 60 to 80 hours a week then you’re literally eating sleeping and picking up your keys in the house nothing else
you know, like a dad

I feel your pain.
I have just had an argument with partner about looking for work. He was made redundant 9 months ago and still has no job. He has applied for maybe 3 or 4 jobs and been rejected. I know he has had a horrible time, has been hurt, lost his confidence, been traumatised really by what has happened, but I am also finding it very hard.
He says he's been 'told not to' look for work every day by a career counsellor and I really don't know what he does all day. If I ask he will say, I did some hoovering or I did the shopping, but actually I think he just does...not much. He begins to be defensive and becomes sulky and monosyllabic if I ask him what he does in the daytime. We still have a sizeable chunk of mortgage to pay. We could lose the house.
I work full time but I don't get paid much and I'm just exhausted.

I'm a career consultant and I wouldnt tell someone not to look for work every day. You have to treat it like a day job and commit x hours every day to job seeking - in all its forms. What I would propose is a range of actions that can be undertaken that are all geared towards obtaining employment eg attend networking groups, make new connections, use LinkedIn in proactively rather than passively eg reposting, commenting and making new connections, teaching himself new skills eg using AI, get his cv reviewed and critiqued/updated, visit the careers office and ask for support, consider working as a contractor which often goes perm, contact your local University to see if they have any short courses that could be useful, .... the list is endless and if he's fully committed to a wide range of activities as this he should be knackered but also start to see some results!! And at least it's demonstrating that he's 100% committed to job seeking which doesn't sound like what's currently happening! Good luck!

Another no today after a second stage so that’s 4 now that he has been turned down for after 2nd stage, that’s it now, there are no more interviews booked in currently. It’s starting to get to him

My sympathies @saminamama, it's horrible for him being out of work, and stressful for you too. At least he's getting interviews, so don't give up.

You need to support him more
not worry about getting pedicures

OK - is he requesting feedback on his failed interviews? If he's getting to second stage and on 4 occasions he's missing out, there's likely to be a similar element about how he's interviewing that isnt resulting in a job offer ie dont just take thanks but no thanks - instead it should be thanks but why not? Some employers may decline to provide a response but dont just turn away when its another rejection - find out WHY. Only then can he learn and adapt his interview technique/style. He should also consider a closing question to the interviewer to ask if there is anything he hasn't clarified that would prevent him from getting to the next stage or an offer. Sometimes you do just have to be a little pushy and not just accept yet another rejection. Find out WHY NOT!

Yep. He has been asking but has had comments like ‘you are a really good fit but lack 10 years experience in X, you only have 8’
so basically just keep getting pipped

You make it sound so easy, the feedback will be we decided to go with a different candidate

In that situation I was always able to say WHY we had gone with the other candidate if asked. Sadly most candidates did not ask.

I would suggest some form of interview coaching at this stage - there seems to be something not quite right in the final round. Worth investing a little in trying to fix that

Requesting feedback ? at the moment, you’re lucky if they ever even tell you you’ve not been successful
People have been through five stages of interviews and not even heard back for months that they didn’t get the job. I mean they presumed. They’ve not got it after the third week but they’ve never been actually told.

Of course you can ask why but I don’t think he will get a response that will be particularly helpful. Not saying he shouldn’t ask but I don’t think this is the magic bullet to suddenly being successful.

I’d disagree actually. If he gets two or three highlighting rather more experience in a particular area then he can either see what he can do to become more proficient in that or maybe tweak his cv and how he presents his experience to highlight what he has achieved in that area. He may not be giving enough importance to that when he tells his story and at this point fine margins are clearly making the difference.

I entirely agree. Something definitely isnt working and some interview coaching and other job seeking support would definitely assist.
Tbh the organisations who failed to respond to an unsuccessful candidate's request for feedback are unlikely to be great employers, so bullet dodged.
The definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result!

Tbh the organisations who failed to respond to an unsuccessful candidate's request for feedback are unlikely to be great employers, so bullet dodged.

Very easy to say if you have a choice of job offers. If you are out of work, struggling and would take anything, not so much.

People have been through five stages of interviews and not even heard back for months that they didn’t get the job.

Yeah, modern life is rubbish and manners have gone down the toilet.

OP, from your original post your DH has been out of work since early April, so only about 3 months. That's nothing these days, and he has had several interviews in that time. He'll get there.

I know all, I know to stay positive but he went from being strong to the other day crying for no reason,
he keeps joking about being self employed and when he goes to the job centre for his jsa he finds it a bit depressing that weeks keep going by with no job offer
our marriage is suffering because we don’t feel content and like we can plan and thrive and do exciting things we feel like we are stagnating in survival mode

i have counselling tomorrow as this has all triggered a low time for me, having not long had a baby and with a 3 year old too,
I worry the house will need to be sold but with the value of stamp duty we can’t really afford to move and also we wouldn’t get a mortgage so I really don’t know where we will end up if this keeps on

pffft, feeling really rubbish about this

Job hunting these days is hell on earth. I know as I was in this boat a couple of years ago and felt like 'what the flip do I do now' as I kept getting knocked back. I did get something in the end - only temporary but I've clung on and was eventually made perm. That can be a route back in but of course there's no guarantee and I had a very unstable first year where I wasn't at all sure I'd be kept on.

You said two months ago you have £25k in savings. You may have used some of that but not most? So you won’t be losing your house. Hopefully the therapy will give you more perspective.

@saminamama I will help if you wish? Im a career consultant and I will help your husband if I can and will not charge you.

In this climate getting to interview stage for senior jobs within such a short space of time is pretty good going. I know it must be difficult OP but I would suspect what he really needs right now is your support and demonstrating a bit of faith ( even if it’s put on) that he will get a role. Of course it’s never enjoyable to have to tighten your belts financially and not do stuff you enjoy, maybe you could turn it into a challenge and discover all the free things to do nearby.

I hope your counselling will help put this in perspective for you.

Sorry, I can't remember, is he signing on with agencies to take any job / get money coming in? Factories, warehouses etc.

I sounds like money needs to start coming into the home.

So, he needs to find something / anything what about an evening delivery driver job ? I know it won't bring in the required money but it would bring in some money i.e. £50 an evening twice would probably do the weekly food bill.

has anyone suggested you take in ironing - I've seen it suggested on MN before. One basket of ironing must be at least £25, 4 baskets would be £100 and yet again that's one weeks food shopping ?

Unless you're extremely frugal which I don't think OP is £100 is not one weeks shopping.