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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

579 replies

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:06

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 24/06/2026 09:04

Moonnstarz · 24/06/2026 07:15

Sounds like he is trying his best.
I think your list of what you will do once he secures a job is a little frivolous though (holiday abroad, pedicure, new clothes for example) and surely this should be a life lesson that things can change at any moment. I would at least wait til he is settled into the role and passed any probation period before throwing money around on unnecessary items (I would be prioritising the childs shoes however and not sure why you aren't if they don't currently fit).

Plenty of cheaper holidays options (not before he has got a job but maybe in probation (eg caravan uk out of season) if you need something to look forward to. Vinted for clothes etc

saminamama · 24/06/2026 10:45

Moonnstarz · 24/06/2026 07:15

Sounds like he is trying his best.
I think your list of what you will do once he secures a job is a little frivolous though (holiday abroad, pedicure, new clothes for example) and surely this should be a life lesson that things can change at any moment. I would at least wait til he is settled into the role and passed any probation period before throwing money around on unnecessary items (I would be prioritising the childs shoes however and not sure why you aren't if they don't currently fit).

Yes I have bought my daughter new shoes.
I’ve given up hope to be honest on anything other than surviving at the moment
it feels awful

OP posts:
saminamama · 24/06/2026 10:46

IDontHateRainbows · 24/06/2026 06:17

I was unemployed a couple of years ago and remember the hell.of it. The waiting, the trying , the dashed hopes. All i can say is, if he's doing all he can it's out.of his control and yours. I ended up going a bit spiritual getting into Buddhism and manifestation and stuff and it did help mentally a lot. Maybe even actually helped as I did get a job a short while after. But that could be confirmation bias...

Thank you. It’s the anguish isn’t it it’s awful

OP posts:
Lizchapman · 24/06/2026 11:32

It’s always disappointing when you don’t get a job you thought you had a really good chance of getting. But so many times I’ve looked back later and been thankful I didn’t as what came afterwards was even better than that would have been. Really hope that will be your experience 😊

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