In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Plenty of cheaper holidays options (not before he has got a job but maybe in probation (eg caravan uk out of season) if you need something to look forward to. Vinted for clothes etc

Yes I have bought my daughter new shoes.
I’ve given up hope to be honest on anything other than surviving at the moment
it feels awful

Thank you. It’s the anguish isn’t it it’s awful

It’s always disappointing when you don’t get a job you thought you had a really good chance of getting. But so many times I’ve looked back later and been thankful I didn’t as what came afterwards was even better than that would have been. Really hope that will be your experience 😊

Really struggling today, with the worry of what is to come, we are going to hear back if he got one of the roles this week but he isn’t feeling hopeful. He only has one more interview to go and then no more booked. But he’s going to work really hard on getting more booked in this week.
i really am struggling with this, its really hard the continual uncertainty. He’s not quite himself either understandably. It’s a bad dream I want to wake up from, I want to enjoy life again

Is he asking for feedback from the unsuccessful interviews? There might be something fundamental that he's doing/not doing and can learn and adjust from the feedback. Having been invited to interview, there must be something in the interview itself that isnt working. Also does he prepare and ask any questions himself in the interviews? Does he ask a closing question at the end of the interviews such as " is there anything else I can tell you that we haven't covered? - I'm very interested in this opportunity" it may be that he's being too soft and passive in the interviews (sometimes as a result of losing confidence) and needs to be a bit more proactive.

this is really basic advice. If he is getting to the final stages he’s doing fine and doesn’t need basic advice like “make sure he asks questions”. The market is tough and it hasn’t been a long time yet; sometimes there is just a better candidate

Fully aware of these points @BlackRowan but we're not in the interviews and its amazing how the most confident and competent candidates miss the opportunity to proactively engage further.
What's your advice then? Just continue what he's doing and hoping to land something without being a bit more proactive? What's he got to lose if he's not already using some of these suggestions? We're not in the room so any tips might help. Yes, it is a tough market so candidates have to push harder to succeed and its difficult when rejections might be resulting in a lack of confidence.

Look he might well need to improve his interview game further but I think it is likely to be a lot more nuanced and specific, so none of us can give any advice on mumsnet. If he wants senior well paid job then it is likely whether his questions and answers display the seniority and leadership level needed, not whether he asks a question in general

I do think you need to put this in perspective a bit OP. Nobody has died, nobody is sick, no horrible crime has been committed against you. Your husband is job seeking… it happens to millions every year. You’re making it all about you and your anxieties and your stress. Try being a bit more adult about it all.

Thank you, I agree I do need to pull it together. I think it’s cos im from a family that lived pay check to pay check so I have generational anxiety about money coming to the forefront and not feeling secure is getting to me more than it should,
im wondering if I need counselling or something, as this is messing me up so much more than it needs to. I just want security back and normality back so I can focus and enjoy being mummy a bit more again, it’s taking the enjoyment out of life for me at the moment :(

No advice just to say I completely get you with the wanting to enjoy life again! Money problems really are so daunting and horrible!

Of course it is a difficult time but you are coming across as very self absorbed. He cannot just conjure up a job vacancy, he is doing the best he can with the limited opportunities that are out there at the moment. If the roles were reversed, do you think you would walk straight into another like-for-like role?

I agree, OP is making it all about her.

She was even spending money in her head last week when she thought DH might get another job.

I get she's anxious but she's also very self absorbed.

Nobody has died.

He had yet another no from a final stage today, apparently he was down to the final 2 and they went with the person with slightly more experience.
no more interviews lined up either :(

I hope to post back with good news soon

He’s doing all the right things if he’s getting this far. Courage to both of you.

The job market is the toughest it has been for a long time. Your DH is getting and going through interviews and so he’s doing the right things. It maybe that his desperation and stress is showing through in his conversations and sans negative feedback he is doing his thing.

You could do more of your thing? Don’t project all your generational stress on your DH. He’s probably got some of his own. Give him the peaceful home and conviction through what is his difficult time. I realise it’s hard for you also but this is not your battle so your job is to feed the soldier. What you can do is think about alternatives to being in some money into the house - yourself or your DH. Do something in practice rather that creating knots of worry.

All the best to both of you!

The slog is slogging on, he had one interview last week where they had hired already for the role but still interviewed him in case he may be suitable for a role opening up in a few months time,
I feel like people are wasting our time and it’s hard to know what to believe
For one role he has had to fill in a personality quiz, it’s ridiculous some of the hoops companies are making him go through, and then we keep getting bad news.
onwards and upwards and hopefully something will
land soon as this is painful

It does sound painful. But just to assure you that personality type analysis is not uncommon at senior roles. I've just got through the process for a senior role and it has been the first not to do one since I've been looking.

It is but I expect to get the personality test after they’ve pretty much got you as their preferred or back up candidate.

I had some sympathy with his situation initially as DH has ex colleagues who are finding it hard to secure a new post and who are not messing about - but based on this post my sympathy has evaporated. He is taking g the proverbial massively. He does not need to go swimming to set him up for the day, he needs to crack on finding a job - any job for now.

Been in a similar position with my DH and it took him 3-4 months to secure a new job and that was a few years ago in a relatively healthy jobs market.

We did really have to squeeze our budget though to make the redundancy pay cover those 4 months. With £11k you should be able to cover 4+months if you budget very carefully and drop any unnecessary outgoings eg gym, sky, days out, take aways… its rubbish but doable unless you have a very big mortgage. Sit down and go through every item on your bank statement for the last 3 month and see where you can cut back.

OP says in one of her replies they have £25k in savings.

I disagree with you. In order to successfully find a job it is very necessary to also prioritise your mental health and the swimming probably helps here.

Yes, and having a routine is really important as well. And you can't search for jobs all day every day, there aren't enough out there