In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

My ExH recently changed jobs.

it took a lot of chats to generate a few job leads and a lot of applications to get an interview.

obviously I don’t know how hard your dh is working on his networking and applications but interviews are hard to come by at the moment.

exh got his new job through the chats with former colleagues/networking.

It is a hard job market at the moment.

I was made redundant last June, had a few interviews and 3 final interviews and still nothing in my field.

Thankfully a friend helped me get a retail job while I look but it seems to have slowed even more since then!

He’s mid 30s

What are your relative skill levels? Maybe you should be looking for higher paid work instead of looking to kick him when he is already down?

I understand you are worried, but times are tough right now and it has only been 4 weeks.

I think you are being a bit harsh, cant take weeks for application forms to be sifted. Also each application should take a few days of you want to tailor your andwers

I just feel like some of these contacts and chats and connections are well meaning but utterly useless, meanwhile I’m cooking tea for the family with 2 young needy children, he’s sat in his office having another pointless chat

He's taking the absolute piss out of you. He needs to pull his weight on the domestic front right now at the absolute minimum. He also needs to be doing childcare to enable you to go back more hours to keep yourselves afloat. You need to get a bit angry I think.

Not eligible too much in savings, probably nearly as much on credit cards, so might need to look at paying off the cards so we can be eligible.

You are unfortunately being utterly unreasonable.
For senior (ish) positions, it takes a while. CV ready, chat with recruiter. Recruiter taking to employers (probably happening now). Employers getting ready for interviews (easily 4-6 weeks for a big business), several rounds of interviews….
Loads of companies getting rid of remote employees now as travel to location gets way to expensive. Not his fault.

You are very stressed he can’t really do right for wrong at the moment can he. Those chats could just lead to a job
That said he really does need to pull his weight at home as well, you need to make that clear to him.
one thing that could help is a mortgage holiday, it will give you some breathing room

You’re not working and he’s looking for work so I don’t think you can really complain about this! They might be fruitless conversations so far but a job isn’t going to magically land in his lap without such calls and meetings.

You need to have a strong conversation with him. Tell him he needs to get ANY job at this point in time. Tell him to call the mortgage company and switch to interest only. Tell him to make a budget showing how to eke out the savings you’ve got to see how long it lasts.

If you don’t have much in savings can you get UC in a month’s time?

Make it VERY clear that on the days you’re working HE is doing the food, the chores, the kids - unless meh has an interview . That still gives him 5 days a week, and all his evenings, to hunt for jobs .

He’s on 80k or so he was in his old role. Wondering if this will be really hard to get again, this country has just taken such a downturn hasn’t it

sorry if I sound very negative, I’m just terrified

how long had he worked there? That feels a low redundancy payment

4 years, taking home circa 4k a month with commission, 11k payout

Very similar situation happened to my husband. His role (and a few others) was made redundant as it went Asia. Useless manager who didn't really manage properly so maybe that's why. Had ten days to accept the redundancy package which was better than statutory so was forced to accept. Redundancy was out of the blue so was shocked this had happened.

Think you're being unfair that it took 2 weeks to apply for a role as it takes a while to consolidate what you have done in the previous role, add to CV and write a letter why you're interested in the role. This takes time and the job market is challenging. However by now should be much quicker! Took husband 4/5months for a new role and he was very lucky. Did lots of applications but often they got ignored. Had many chats with recruiters but very few formal interviews.

Do agree with the other posts he should taking on more household responsibilities and you'll need to talk about the future. Have a timeframe of applying for jobs in his field and then to apply for any job. At this point he should be very motivated to find another job. If applicable, try linkedin as recruiters would reach out there as well.

networking is a really important part of Job hunting, so if that’s genuinely what he’s doing then that’s valid.

its ridiculous that he’s claiming he can’t look after kids or pull his weight with the house though so you can work.

when I was job hunting last year I did 100% of shopping, cooking, cleaning, school runs and most of the laundry as well as networking, interviews and applying for jobs.

you need to go back full time - you working part time so he can waft about baking bread is a nonsense

My very generous employer pays 4 weeks salary for every full year worked in redundancy cases. 11k sounds realistic for 4 years, most employers are not as generous (especially if the salary included commissions)

Why are you doing all the household tasks if you are the one working? Realistically in this job market getting a job within 6 months would be a good result

It seems to be all about you OP. Have you considered for a moment how he might be feeling?! Rather than blaming him and being critical, why don’t you try giving him some emotional support? Redundancy can be an extremely stressful and upsetting experience yet there’s no mention of his feelings, it’s all you you you.

He needs to be pulling his weight why he’s not working and doing more around the house and with the children, sit down have a chat and tell
him , also he can have allocated time for job hunting , but for now he needs to help you. No one is job hunting all day everyday.

You’re being unfair. That’s a valid reason for redundancy. How old is he?

My Dp never found another role after he got made redundant. He ended up starting his own business and earns a fraction of what he did before (but is his own boss).

once you’re over 50, it’s even harder

I would give him a break - it’s so stressful looking for jobs and he needs your support

Finding a job is hard work and it can take people months so you sound unreasonable to expect him to have suddenly found something
It sounds like you are fortunate to have savings which you can use if he is unable to find something immediately.

He does need to pull his weight more though and step up with childcare while at home and perhaps structuring his time better e.g. days you are at work need to be childcare days, days you are at home are focused job hunting.

Well any job is better than nothing, maybe ask if he's being really niche in his job search?

Why are you absolving him of all responsibility? This isn't your problem to carry alone, so you need to tell him how worried you are about your finances. And stop mothering him by doing everything for him. If he isn't working give him a list to do, and if he is 'busy looking for jobs' ask to see which ones. He needs to understand the urgency of thr matter. Men should not need to be pushed or organised by a woman, but so often they are happy for women to carry everything. Kick his arse!