In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

He’s had a phone call today to say they haven’t yet lined up what they need to but once they have will let him know.

What does this mean? Because I've heard a lot of cases where candidates got through final round only to be told funding for the role was not approved at all.

That sounds like a "sorry you didn't get the job" call. Or the job isn't actually available.

He needs to up his searches!!

No the funding is available they said it would be Monday he will hear, he just filled me in a bit more.
we are thinking maybe he has it, as the guy who called him spoke about how long is own experience was when he was hired and it can take a while

I don’t think it sounds like that. It sounds like they haven’t managed to align agendas between all of the people who need to discuss.

That sounds positive that they called him to let him know that things are still happening.

That’s actually somewhat positive. Either he is their top candidate or he is their second choice and they are waiting if first candidate accepts the offer.

if they are not interested they wouldn’t call

I disagree. I would have asked someone to call round all the candidates if our decision was delayed

I can't imagine being so disrespectful as to just not let someone know they hadn't got the job after they have gone through an interview process

(I hope your DH is successful though @saminamama )

Happens all the time. Disgusting, but becoming rather normalized.

You are confusing letting them know they didn’t get the job and letting them know proactively there is a delay

Didn’t get it. Gutted and scared

Oh no, and how horrible to wait on tenterhooks. Did they say why?

Someone else with more experience got it, he had a final stage interview for 2 seperate roles at this one company it really got our hopes up, both amazing roles at a fantastic company.
to be considered for both made one feel likely, and I had started to relax and plan some exciting things to look forward to,
they called him today to say he got neither,
Absolutely gutted.
feel like it’s ruining my enjoyment of life at the moment which I know is daft
we have circa 4 months in savings to cover our life so we don’t need to panic too much right at this second
and family support financially waiting in the wings to cover a further 4 months
but we just don’t want to lose our savings to this awful time
sorry I’m wallowing my hopes were just so up, I feel so sad

Positives are he had a final stage interview today, and we will hear next week, after this I don’t feel hopeful,
he also has a first stage on Friday,
and more roles to apply for too, so back to the drawing board something will happen
but it’s so so so hard

I wouldn't even dream of making plans until he's actually found a job, why would you set yourself up for more disappointment?

you have to stay positive - he is actively looking and applying for jobs - the time to worry is when he stops.
To get so many interviews is not common - he must have the skills and experience employers are looking for and the law of averages says he will get one of them soon - keep supporting him

Sounds like he is working really, really hard to get as far as he has done. And as disappointed and worried as you are - I promise he will be feeling the same only double. I hope that he gets a good result from the latest final stage interview.

Because we were given a lot of hope for 1 organisation to consider him for 2 roles, and he was final stage for both, I think I can be forgiven for feeling hopeful.

Thank you

I really really really hope so

this happened has happened to us twice - we had to drastically reduce the kids nursery hours and then when he did get a job, juggle until the days became available again. It’s really hard right now. Sending love and luck

He’s doing well to be getting lots of interviews, this is a good sign. Would some more interview feedback / prep be helpful?

I was unemployed a couple of years ago and remember the hell.of it. The waiting, the trying , the dashed hopes. All i can say is, if he's doing all he can it's out.of his control and yours. I ended up going a bit spiritual getting into Buddhism and manifestation and stuff and it did help mentally a lot. Maybe even actually helped as I did get a job a short while after. But that could be confirmation bias...

It’s unfortunate he didn’t get the position but great sign that he got so far and that he is getting interviews.

Sounds like he is trying his best.
I think your list of what you will do once he secures a job is a little frivolous though (holiday abroad, pedicure, new clothes for example) and surely this should be a life lesson that things can change at any moment. I would at least wait til he is settled into the role and passed any probation period before throwing money around on unnecessary items (I would be prioritising the childs shoes however and not sure why you aren't if they don't currently fit).