In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Strange that as on a previous post you said "
I had to listen to this bollocks about four months ago. Imagine if I’d have been wasting my time working in McDonald’s for £13 an hour rather than filling out application forms for the 120 grand a year job I landed. 🙄

So you had to fill them in earlier but now don't have such things for your job. And your username is apprentice Whiff of bullshit about I think

As I have said the job market is difficult.

You are also very naive if you think employers are clamouring to employ people who are disabled or over 50...which is why for some people job searching can take more than just a few weeks/month.

A 55 year old with health issues or a youngster in a wheelchair for example won't be able to take ''any job''.

We have perfectly healthy and well qualified young graduates unable to get jobs at the moment too.

It is very black and white thinking to say that someone who can't find a job is being ''picky''...

Yes, the truth is hard for the minions to swallow.

So what about the " application forms" you had to fill in or not fill in? What option is the truth and what did you lie about?

Who are the " minions" anyway?

Where are the disabled over 50s coming into it?

Yeah my son is a healthy graduate as was his girlfriend the year before. They both spent a few months working in McDonald's while applying for other jobs. Hardly that unusual

Why did you say that you did then? 👀

Some people do have comprehension issues it seems...

I was making a general point about the job market being tough and replying to someone who implied that anyone who does not get a job within a year is being 'picky'.

For many people, indulging the disabled/older workers/people who have just graduated there are additional barriers to finding work and it is not about being 'picky'.

Is it really that hard to grasp?

Everyone knows the job market is tough. But most people don't have the opportunity to not get anything at all for a bloody year.

If id have done that my house would've been repossessed and id have starved..

Strangely if that is the option most people find something.

McDonalds don't want to hire people who will leg it out of the door when they find a job they can do...

And youth unemployment in the UK is currently at 16%. Amongst the highest in Europe. And that's for people only entitled to a lower minimum wage...

There is no "easy to get" work for people to walk into. The end of zero hour contracts, the increase in NI, the changes in worker entitlements, mean these have died even more of a death than they did before.

Well they definitely took DS and his girlfriend

And seeing as my cousin works in HR department for them it's hardly unusual.

They take A level students who bugger off to uni a few months later and may or may not work in the holidays

Yep - we work for ourselves and have a company - if I needed to get a job at 64 then I’m very aware I would struggle to get admin jobs, never mind management jobs , despite knowing how to do accounts, digital and press marketing, company accounting and solid understanding of our industry- it’s why so many over 50s end up setting up for themselves even if it’s not full time- i would probably if working for someone else have to look at doing a bit of part time at M&S or Waitrose and even then would they pick me as I have zero retail experience and would they be thinking - she will be off as soon as something better turns up - I’m not sure! It’s really not as straight forward as many think, especially if older or have held professional jobs or businesses. I actually would be quite happy if needed being office manager or HR 3 days a week ( used to do these roles) - but I am a realist and know I wouldn’t get it.

Exactly.

I am 55 and had to leave a senior management role about 8 months ago. I complained about bullying & my manager tried to push me out for about a year. I was the oldest person in the department and the only one with a long term health condition considered a disability. We agreed on settlement to avoid me taking them to a tribunal.

So far I have only been able to do freelance work as a permanent job as an employee has been elusive.

I have applied for anything from retail jobs & admin jobs to jobs that reflect my seniority both temporary and permanent but I am still looking.

I am starting to think that working for myself and/or retraining might be the only thing left for me.

I have no doubt that being older and having some limitations that come with a long term health conditions and years of management experience don't make me that attractive to many employers and that is just the reality.

@Greenwitchart yep, it annoys me when people seem to imply you can just go and do anything - in a tight market you can apply, but probably won’t get the job and sometimes the better qualified and more experienced you are the worse it is - it’s almost easier if you never moved beyond retail shop floor or a bit of bar work etc if over 45 - ageism is absolutely rife- I look round the co working centre that I work from and the only people over late 40s are usually the company owners. ( bear in mind this is all private business- no public service jobs)

Really struggling with the waiting around to wait to hear if he got a role we really want him to get; he hasn’t had the second interview yet and it’s not for a few weeks! So it’s so drawn out, really desperate for him to get it, not letting him know this too much though as don’t want to put pressure but it’s really getting to me. I feel like if he does get the role then we can just move on and this will be a blip, if he doesn’t it will be a while before a similar role will come up

The only piece of advice I’ve got is never put all your eggs in one basket. I ended up with three offers on the table because I anticipated getting none of them and ended up getting all of them.
It’s definitely will not be the only role available right now in his field at his level. He just needs to keep networking.

I hope he's now doing much more to pull his weight in the household and family, while he's not earning.

I have to agree with you. Even if OP'husband gets the job (which I hope), he still will have a probationary period. In that situation I would keep my spendings low until the end of that probationary period at least.

What I’m saying is more about the spirit of it, ie I can relax and breathe and enjoy and not have to watch every penny and feel guilty for buying strawberries and the next shelf up tomatoes for example

And we are saying not yet

Absolutely this. Passing probation is not a given. I'd be using that time to save as much as possible, just in case.