AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

[Laulau3]

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

It was a poorly timed un-funny joke. Wojld be easy to let it slide if he hadn't doubled down with calling you uptight.

Well he said that he wanted to 'smash in her back doors' in the context of a recent motor vehicle accident. This must surely refer to an accident in which he damaged the boot door or maybe the rear passenger doors of her car. Either way, by "rear-ending" her.

I obviously do not condone this but it's impossible to read it any other way.

I do wonder if he is some kind of pervert as the movie Crash deals with people who are turned on by car accidents.

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With hindsight and a minute to take a breath I would say yeah just a joke and personally one I’d find funny. But I also get that (typically) men think really blank and white. His brain is thinking ‘crash happened, she is fine, just a joke’ and he wouldn’t be wrong but that’s a very emotionless, logical and linear way to think. (Typically) women can be more emotional thinkers and so whilst I don’t think he’s been mean or horrible, a little more on the empathy side would have been better received and then later at dinner he could make that joke and you may well have found it funnier. Comedy is all about timing right?
If he had been a bit more emotional thinking and said ‘oh babe that’s bloody crap, you ok driving home? When you get here I’ll have a tea ready for you.’ And as you walk in he gives you a hug and THEN said the joke that would have been better received too I think. So maybe just a tad more care and attention on his part.

Ok. Well thank you for quoting me in your pointless comment.

I never fail to be surprised by women on Mumsnet’s scramble to excuse and enable men’s behaviour. And explain it away with bullshit like “oh, men are black and white thinkers” It’s soo depressing! For the avoidance of doubt, even if he’d made the “joke” because he thought it was funny, his reaction when he’d realised his misjudgment should have been to apologise, not double down.

Get a grip ! You are here to tell the tale of what happened so what else matters? He could have gone into a rage would that have suited you better?

So the options are a shit joke about anal sex or a rage? Your bar is in hell.

My partner would ask if I was ok, ask if everyone else was ok, then say not to worry, it’s what insurance is for. He’d give me a hug when I got home and make me a cup of tea.

It was a tasteless joke. But you were all fine and the car just needs repairing. Having grown up in a house where genuinely this would have been an omg how are we going to tell him situation for my dad this seriously isn't the worst reaction you could have had. My husband would have probably made a similar joke. I would have laughed and felt nothing but relief that my husband was supportive and not bothered by what was a accident.

I haven’t read any of the responses so I don’t know general consensus but I’m assuming that’s your husband’s sense of humour and the kind of thing he usually does/says? Doesn’t mean it’s necessarily right but if that’s what you’re attracted to as a person then it’s kind of expected?

My husband is exactly the same and I’ll admit it does drive me crazy sometimes but I have to remind myself that’s what I picked. My dad and brother in law on the other hand would be the complete opposite, they would never say anything so crass and my mum/ sister would get completely looked after and cared for, and treated ‘correctly’ in such a situation.

I fell in love with my husband’s stupidity, humour, quick wit and that is what I get. I know he cares and it would be totally different if I was actually hurt, but he would definitely think it was funny to say something like that in your situation.

In this situation absolutely. It was not the moment for coarse humor.

IMO if your own husband can’t make a joke like that then you don’t have much of a marriage anymore

So it’s rage or crass vulgar jokes? Have you never met a nice man?

Never seen so much pearl clutching on a post before, hilariously

Joke back something equally crass. The bloke had a lovely gear knob and you wanted him to fill you up with unleaded.

That should shut him up.

I know my young adult kids would be disgusted by this and not think it was funny. I’m in my 50s and also don’t think it’s funny; it’s facile and sexist crude humour disguised as ‘banter’

I agree with every word of this.

I honestly think some people are surrounded by Neanderthals and this is their level of humour and their norm. I absolutely make a judgement on their level of intelligence. I am amused at the person who called this ‘dark’ humour. Clueless!

And I think this hits the truth. The clever/dry/witty observations are totally lost on some.

I mean I’d have laughed, but me and my partner have the kind of relationship where we laugh about everything

Dh and myself tend to laugh only at things that are funny.

You need help.

Well me and my husband found it funny.

Does that make us better or worse than you?

I do wonder if he is some kind of pervert as the movie Crash deals with people who are turned on by car accidents

For all those people wondering why this poster doesn't see the joke, it's because there isn't one.

Well me and my husband found it funny

You said you laugh at everything.
We only laugh at things we find funny.
So I suppose it makes us different.
You laugh at everything.
We laugh at funny things.

It’s a bloody joke. Dear me. I would have found it funny.

Exactly this. I'm sure I'll find a LTB just a few comments down from yours. To be honest I could not deal with someone who got offended over a joke like this.

The boot door is a door or used to be. I had a 5 door hatchback, the boot was the fifth door

That’s pretty funny actually. I lolled reading it on the train. Yeah, it’s crass/tasteless/ proper blokey humour… still quite amusing.
I guess it depends if there’s a back story… 😂🙈