AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

[Laulau3]

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

This thread has taken a funny turn over the last few pages.

Seems like if you don’t agree with someones opinion its Ok to start calling them names

then the feminist push to paint the OP’s husband as some kind of porn addicted wannabe rapist for making a joke is bizarre

I am surprised you haven't got bloody whiplash from jumping to that conclusion

Smash just means having sex. It’s not a euphemism for rape.

It looks like it might just be a few of us who think this way, but after a stressful experience, you really don’t need an anl sx ‘ ‘joke’ that actually sounds like a back-handed comment that you don’t engage in anl sx enough.

It’s not so much that he made the joke- people make mistakes. It’s that he doubled down on it despite you being upset. The normal thing when he saw you didn’t find it funny was to say “I’m sorry, I thought it would lighten the mood- I was wrong.”

Is he always this much of a douche? I would strongly recommend relationship counselling.

In times of crisis you need a bloke you can rely on to be kind and supportive. Not one who uses a stressful situation as an opportunity to mock and make a dig about not getting enough s*x. Which he then follows up with some classic ‘narcissistic injury’ tendencies of belittling you for your lack of humour rather than reflecting on his lack of appropriateness.

Good luck with him, but I’ve no doubt you deserve better.

Relationship counselling over one issue?

You clearly are a pick-me girl and it sounds like you’ve been told that before. You are unfathomably keen to paint yourself as not vanilla while mocking others for potentially being vanilla. Why do that if you’re not a pick me girl?

The husband made a dig about not getting anl so for a laugh, immediately after his partner had been stressed out with a minor car accident and probably had the joy of insurance call centre calls to make.

You’re suggesting, you think mocking someone for what they do or not do in bed is appropriate at that precise point in time?? And what about partner’s doubling down on it? Do you really think it’s more important to be ‘right’ than be kind and just say sorry to your partner who has had a stressful day?

He made one joke and now he’s obsessed with anal sex?

OP has not said this at all.

This.

Sorry, I’m in psychology. That type of response in a time of crisis is indicative of the coping strategies he employs. Fortunately, most of us don’t have too many crisis to test this out, but when it happens and you can sometimes see something in your partner that is not great. If it’s not addressed, you can look forward to more of the same when another crisis hits. This can even cause anxiety in the relationship about how much you can rely on your partner in times of crisis.

To be fair to the partner, people don’t come perfectly formed, we usually have to work on ourselves. If he was taking OP’s upset seriously then I’m sure they could’ve worked it out. He’s not respecting the OP‘s reasonable upset and that’s a serious relationship problem. If he’s not respecting the OP’s point of view, it suggests he thinks he’s infallible on all things. That’s a huge problem and not one of the OP can address alone if the partner is not going to listen to anything she says.

Good old male banter eh. Always so fucking hilarious. What a shame there's just so many uptight, frigid women that don't appreciate it.

So many people have said that the OP should know his sense of humour by now. Surely, as the person who actually made the joke, he should have known hers?

Christ alive!

Mountain Molehill much 🙄
I don't know how that makes me a pick me whatever, i'm just not so stuck up my own arse that i can't see the funny side of basically a minor car prang!

psychobabble more like.

Yes me too. Can’t believe some of the responses from people saying they’d be ok with this!

Why say it then? Hardly the sort of thing a bloke says at random to a woman he's been married to for years. There's presumably some context or back story (pun not intended).

I mean I’d have laughed, but me and my partner have the kind of relationship where we laugh about everything. You weren’t seriously injured were you? You’re fine, it happens sometimes with cars. Could have been much worse. Just one of those annoying things.

My view would be don’t take life so seriously and laugh adversity right in the face, but not everyone is like that and your husband should know you well enough to know you’re not going to find it funny. I do see it’s frustrating for you (which is why I’d personally joke about it, but that’s not everyone’s coping mechanism).

You’re entitled not to find it funny, each to their own. It’s not the end of the world though is it, at least you’re okay and not hurt, that’s the main thing.

My view exactly. I personally would have laughed (doesn’t make me a pick me, random man saying that would be a massive ick, but me and my partner talk like that and I’m okay with that) but her partner of all people should know where her line is and what she’d find funny and wouldn’t find funny, we all have different humour and that’s ok.

That’s why I said “each to their own”. She asked for opinions !

Sorry OP, I voted YABU but it wasn't until I scrolled down that I realised it was a joke about anal sex, so now I would vote YANB one hundred times over. It was just vulgar, crude and innapropriate, regardless of whether or not you had just had a car accident.

It sounds like he was trying to make you feel a little better by having a joke about it…..which obviously fell flat.

personally I would have laughed 🤷🏼‍♀️

YANBU, @Laulau3 . And accident or no accident, I'd be offended by anyone wanting to smash my backdoor in, so there's that.

Most people seem to be okay with this. It is certainly an eye-opener.

I know my young adult kids would be disgusted by this and not think it was funny. I’m in my 50s and also don’t think it’s funny; it’s facile and sexist crude humour disguised as ‘banter’. I honestly think some people are surrounded by Neanderthals and this is their level of humour and their norm. I absolutely make a judgement on their level of intelligence. I am amused at the person who called this ‘dark’ humour. Clueless!

lol, I think it’s quite funny, but me and my husband have the same sense of humour (which is one of the reasons why we are together)

Same, I giggled reading this, but its the kind of relationship me and my husband have, I probably would have replied, “well isn't he a lucky bugger then!”but then if youre not used to that sort of thing or don't like it I can see why you’d feel a bit annoyed.

This.
He sounds like a vulgar twat.
Hope it is sorted out as painlessly as possible