To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

[Ruddeo]

I came to this realisation recently after years of being made to feel like a lazy piece of shit by them, because I had my first child when I was 16 and didn’t have a job until they went to school and this is part time.

Once you dig beneath the surface of the full time job, the active social life and weekends, 9 times out of 10 there’s a tired exhausted grandma who just wants some rest!

There are the ones who’ve alright basically said I am a piece of shit and lazy because I don’t have the career they do then there’s the ones that just heavily imply it. Anyone I’m not bitter or jealous of them I’d just appreciate it if they didn’t act like they’ve done everything on their own

I'm guessing that these are people you know personally, rather than working mothers in general?

Who calls you a piece of shit and lazy?

In my circle there's very few women who gave up their job to look after children.
Most families I know both parents work full time. But thats not what I asked.
Im asking why your judgement of the supposed use of grandparent help is aimed squarely at the mothers, not the fathers.
It reads a lot like you are unhappy with your own situation, and projecting that onto others.

Of course they didnt do it on their own, they did it with THE CHILDRENS FATHERS.

I used paid childcare - Creche near work initially (drop off from 8am, collect by 6pm), and afterschool club nearer home once in primary (collect by 6pm…but at the end of the commute). DH did school drop off as his commute was faster and easier than mine (he cycled, I depend on public transport in rush hour), and I did collection in the evenings.

I also had an au pair for 3 years when DH was overseas 50% of the time, who did drop to school daily and one evening collection a week, which helped a lot.

I know very very few friends or colleagues who had family care available. Most depended fully on paid childcare.

I don't know anyone who used parents as childcare. Nanny (for younger DCs + wraparound) + short day in nursery (once DCs are around 3) seemed the most popular option among my friends

Are you looking for a reason to be offended that my use of language is sexist or are you having a pop at me having a child out of wedlock? Can’t tell so please just be more blunt.

We all know in most families mum does the majority of child care and career sacrifice. Being upset at how I phrased my post doesn’t change this.

Although now you mention it I do know a few fathers who get their own mothers (ie the kids paternal grandmother) to do practically everything for their kids.

OP you seem to think that it is almost entirely the mother’s responsibility to organise childcare. Your outrage should be directed to the fathers who outsource everything to their wives/partners. Those who put their career success down to being very driven and disciplined, while failing to acknowledge their wives/partners organising their lives for them.

BTW in 2026 no one cares about whether you’re married or not when you have kids.

Yes they certainly are a thing to. Although their existence dosent take away what I’ve said about mothers who use their parents as unpaid child minders and look down on other mothers who don’t have the career they have because we don’t do that.
Both are certainly irritating

You’re missing the point of what I and plenty of others have said. It is not just mothers who benefit from childcare!!!!

All the nurseries around here are 7:30-6. You don’t have to use those hours but that’s what they offer.

No family near me at all.

Paid childcare here.

I don’t know anyone whose parents looked after their children while they were working.

Sounds like you are just annoyed because a few people you know have parents that help and you don’t.

Just tell them they don't got the same close relationship with their children as you do. I know many kids who aren't close to their parents because they never spend any time with them. I respect childfree people because they can focus on what they like without having children suffering from lack of bonding with selfabsorbed career parents who treat them like a burden.

I work a 55 hour week, and have no family support, ever. No baby sitting, no childcare. Just me and my husband... oh and all 4vkids are homed educated too. So no actually, I'd say if you can't work full time you are lazy. (And I had my first baby at 19 so not hugely difficult situation to you)

I worked full time and used nursery and child minders, cost me a fortune

People have different circumstances, that's just life. I had no family help as my MIL had cancer and was poorly (she died when DS was 2) and my mum had a stroke so I was her carer. She had mobilty and balance issues. We had no babysitters for nights out either.

I worked part time, juggling childcare with my husband and sending my son to nursery some days (not always full days) which incidentally was open from 7.30am - 6.30pm. I went full time when DS was 9, and after that my husband (who was self employed) was able to pick him up from school and carry on working after I got home.

I don't think anything like 9/10 full time working parents get a huge amount of family support, although I accept that some full time working parents get some support. I was more envious of those who could drop their kids off with their grandparents for an occasional night out or overnight stay (but never that bothered that I would leave them with a stranger). Friends would very occasionally offer and we were grateful.

What you need is less judgy people in your life. My friends and acquantances circumstances vary, from full time working parents whose children attend full time nursery to SAHMs or Ds. Most people I know who work full time only have a couple of days help from grandparents at best. I don't know anyone whose parent's picked up regularly from school though some did occasionally. Most used child minders if they needed help with school pick ups/after school care. None of us cared what others arrangements were. We are all just doing our best with the resources available to us, not making snippy comments either to or about the others.

Is your 55 hour week as a childminder, so you don't commute and can home school as you work? Having a baby at 20 is a lot different to 16, especially if the father also isn't a teenager. Two full adults as parents, as opposed to two teens, gives a much easier start. People's circumstances are different and so are their home lives. Are you so judgemental about anyone who uses your services, but who doesn't work excessive hours?

19 is very different to 16

It was your choice to have a child at 16, you can’t blame other people for your choices.

I’m not. There are others who have children young but outsource everything to their own parents then act like they’re superior for having a better social life or career

In 25 years of having young children I have never had any member of my family or my husbands look after
my children. We either paid a childminder or juggled our hours to make it work.

And their support is none of your business. Stop obsessing about other people and concentrate on yourself. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

I don’t know how old you are but if your children are at school look at doing a college course and better yourself, only you can change things

You are funny OP 😂. Most people pay for their childcare.

I lied. I remembered last night that my DPILs had come to stay twice to mind DC while DH and I had clashing overseas work trips. He was generally gone 2-4 days while mine were usually one overnight (but 2 very long days). Otherwise we managed ourselves (there was a handful of times when DC woke up to find the parent who had not been there to put them to bed being the only one there now…we came close to disaster once when my plane back home went “tech” halfway and we returned to the start but there were spare planes and crew had enough hours (just) to get us to destination…so my 10pm expected arrival was 02:30am and DH had been contemplating having to cancel his 03:45am departure…but at least we shared breakfast 😂).

DPILs and DPs live about 20 mins apart…but a few hours away from us.

No, Im telling you your logic is sexist, as well as your language. Im not looking for reason to be offended, you made a ridiculous, sexist comment, and I rightly called you out.

I never mentioned anything about your child so dont put words in my mouth.