To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

[Ruddeo]

I came to this realisation recently after years of being made to feel like a lazy piece of shit by them, because I had my first child when I was 16 and didn’t have a job until they went to school and this is part time.

Once you dig beneath the surface of the full time job, the active social life and weekends, 9 times out of 10 there’s a tired exhausted grandma who just wants some rest!

? I used paid childcare.

All of them?

I work full time. In 10 years, we have had maybe 7 hours in total of family babysitting

or they use paid childcare?

I had my first child in my teens and I worked full time I paid childcare in term times and I was very lucky family helped me in the half terms or I just could not afford it, on top of bills and rent etc, however I know full time working women who can’t rely on family also.

Yes 9 times out of 10 I said. I understand there are people who use paid childcare, it is hard to find a job that fits around nursery hours though. The amount of people who just have their own mothers doing absolutely everything and act like they did it themselves is understated though

That’s why you get nursery to fit around your job! That’s what most people I know did and do.

I doubt it’s anywhere near 9/10… most parents I’ve known have used paid childcare

Who are these people specifically?

I literally don’t know anyone who has their parents’ doing childcare outside very occasional emergencies or unexpected school days off, and every woman I know works FT.

You had a baby young and feel like other people applied generalisations to you which weren’t fair. Yet you are prepared to apply generalisations to everyone with different circumstances to you. Obviously that’s fair.

From our circle, I would say it is one couple that worked full time and the grandparents did the childcare but that was both sets of grandparents. Everyone else I know uses paid childcare and muddles through. Some have maybe 1 day of grandparent support but absolutely not 9/10.

The job I do has unusual hours and most nurseries where I live finish at 3. I also don’t drive. Yes I’m aware this sounds like excuses but I’m through with feeling like shit about it when there’s so many people just using their own mothers as an unpaid childminder and acting like they are better than me

Not for my family. I work full time but have flexible hours in order to fit around family commitments and I pay for an independent school to give me child care cover. DD7 is at school from 0830 - 1630 every day. I start work at 0630 in order to fit it all in.

No there isn't.

Certainly around here most of the grandparents are still working, so very few available for childcare anyway.

Not sure where you found the statistic that only 10% of children go to daycare?

If this was true, daycare providers wouldn’t be in demand. In actual fact, many grandparents are still in work themselves.

People make choices based on their own circumstances.

Childminder?

So maybe your 9/10 is wrong?

I didn't have any childcare from my mother or any pther help for that matter and, when my children were young enough for me to know other mothers with children of similar ages, there were two whose mums baby sat for 1 or 2 days a week and the rest of the time, and the rest of the mums, used paid childcare.

I knew one woman with a much older retired mum who would cook dinner for them once a week and do their laundry once a week. That's it.

As much as anything, when we were in our 20s and 30s, our mums were in their late 40s to late 50s and still worked full time themselves.

“All these mothers”
not this one
paid childcare for 12 very expensive years and no WFH

I work full time. I always have. It wasn't to brag but to pay rent and bills.My parents do not provide unpaid childcare and when my children were very young childcare cost more than double the rent. That's the same for most people I know.

My mum lives in another country so would be a bit hard to rely on her for childcare... I use afterschool club and work out everything else between me and my partner. Though we did use his dad during autumn half term.

Would have been far easier during the nursery years as nursery definitely fit around all possible work hours because its open 24/7

What an odd post!

3 out of our 4 parents were dead by the time my DC was born, and the last one lived 8000 miles away - I never had any family member doing childcare. I worked full time; like so so many people without having parents to help, we managed just fine!

That’s why people choose jobs that fit round childcare if they have no other options.

I’m surprised nurseries finish at 3, are they attached to schools rather than separate childcare nurseries?

My DC are now adults but when they were small my mum was still working herself, as we're the mums of almost all my friends. Plus most of us lived nowhere near our parents.

I honestly only know of one person who used her mum for after school care for her DC and she was a teacher, so didn't have to rely on her parents in the holidays.

That maybe your experience OP but certainly not mine in my friends circle there is only 1 person who gets some grandparent support.
The rest of us use private nurseries and babysitters.

I very much doubt that every nursery closes at 3pm. Yes school ones might but there are childminders and private nurseries that are open until 5.30pm or 6pm.

That's not to say the cost of private nurseries is workable, or that the system is beyond reproach because it's failing and FT working mother's are burnt out.

But don't make excuses.