How to ask for my money? Girl’s night out a couple of weeks ago.

[brownalien]

I paid for a fair bit, everyone else has transferred the money back. Friend in question text to ask for bank details, I sent them, she still hasn’t transferred. Awkward.
We’re not hugely close (if we were I would just chalk it up and probably she’d get the next round in when we next went out). I’m finding it annoying more than anything else. Before anyone says - there are definitely zero financial issues.

Sadly, people will take advantage if you don't ask. It's perfectly reasonable to ask for what is yours and there are many excellent suggestions on here for how you could word your reminder. If she's a good person she may just have forgotten and she won't mind at all, but if she's not, just drop her as a friend! Take a deep breath and do it!! Good luck.

Just bloody ask her, and get a grip

Don’t put anything passive aggressive. So ignore the suggestions where you “pretend” to not know if she’s sent it. You know she hasn’t. So just “hi, could you send that £££ over please?”

Tell a better friend in your group chat offline that she's not paid and ask her to fake a text to you in the group chat, saying, oh brownalien, I totally forgot about that money. Just sent now! Bet I was last - is everyone else paid up?? Sorry for the delay!

And you can be gracious and say no worries I'll check who's left to pay. I totally forgot!
Then you can text the CF and say, oh you can curse friend for this but I don't think I got your transfer?

Don't be afraid to create a fake situation to ease your discomfort 😊

Do you sense pattern repeating when you go with friends etc. With money etc...
You need to honour yourself. Feel that you are not being honoured.
I had to go through similar situations but, stated to say we need to pay for the food etc....n I actually lost the friendship but I had to understand that she didn't respect me...wish her with kindness...hopefully you get your money back...

They are quite happy leaving you out of pocket which im sure you don't appreciate so don't feel awkward asking .I can't stand arseholes who do this to people.

Shift the focus: "I think the bank has made a cock up as I never received the money. Could you confirm the date before I get onto them."

No money yet, @brownalien ? I’d be mortified in her place, dunno how she has the front to ignore/‘forget’. Stop paying for everything. I’d be making a bit of a fuss next time about someone not paying so say you’re only paying for yourself.

How dare she think that you will just pay her bills without any consultation? And to force you to have to ask her to settle up and then IGNORE you????
No friendship to lose, here.
She can get to fuck.

😂

Did you get it back or stupidly let her keep it?

’stupidly’ let her keep it

@brownaliendid you see her at the netball club? Was she not embarrassed?

Have you learned the lesson about that person?

Put a message in the group chat. Say that since everybody didn't pay you back, someone else will have to front any future events or youll each pay for yourselves.

You're joking? Why?!

😲

@brownalien

You did the right thing, OP. Would have been soooooo embarrassing for you chasing up such a paltry sum. What would she have thought? Poor woman. You did the right thing. Next time write it off in your head much sooner, save yourself the angst.

It was the cost of a lesson about what she's worth OP.

I'd be irritated too being forced to chase someone. I know Mumsnet is all 'send your bank details on repeat' about pocket change but I have changed my position now. I don't want to be forced to behave like that so if someone messes me around more than once I decide they are not my kind of person and I forget about it and them. I am happy with how money flows around my groups of friends, it's good to be able to pick up the tab knowing your friends appreciate it (and won't be rubbing their hands in glee that they got one over on you) and will take the first opportunity they have to treat you back.

Yeah I agree. Lend us £25 will you, OP?

I can't type the answer I wish I could type

No....don't do it!

It’s unlikely. She’ll still be shelling out on the next night out, and quietly seething that she’s such a pushover.

What a horrible thing she did to you. You asked her twice and she deliberately ignored you because she knew you wouldn’t pursue it. Cow.

🥬