How to ask for my money? Girl’s night out a couple of weeks ago.

[brownalien]

I paid for a fair bit, everyone else has transferred the money back. Friend in question text to ask for bank details, I sent them, she still hasn’t transferred. Awkward.
We’re not hugely close (if we were I would just chalk it up and probably she’d get the next round in when we next went out). I’m finding it annoying more than anything else. Before anyone says - there are definitely zero financial issues.

I’m so sick of reading thread after thread where posters attack or belittle the OP. Don't read them then.
I came back to this thread because of it having grown.

What a bitch.

She really has zero shame.

So you think people repeatedly calling the OP a doormat and a pathetic woman is acceptable behaviour? Saying she’s a bad example to her kids is fine?

I guess I’m different to you then. I don’t like bullies. 🤷‍♀️

She's the one being a prick.

I've not read all the posts, @Whatisgoingonhere , so I've not seen them.

Except nobody said she was a bad example to her kids, did they?

What the PP actually said was "And no doubt sending a message to your kids if you have any that behaving like a doormat is normal behavior".

If you're going to play the bullying card, at least get it right. Because that's not bullying at all, is it? It's a perfectly reasonable observation.

Think about this @brownalien , if YOU had forgotten to send someone some money you owed, the second you got the message chasing it, you’d either reply immediately or pay it there and then.

shes done neither.

so…. You either SPEAK to her at netball, “did you get my message? Are you going to give me the cash or transfer it back. I’ll wait now”

or you tell everyone you know that in future you’re not paying upfront for everyone as <non-payer-> never paid you back, so you aren’t going to put yourself in that position again, let someone else be the banker.

and yes, name her. Be really open about it. It’s her shame not yours.

It's so weird how you were all snippy to posters on here but can't ask a so-called friend for your own money back. Of course you won't be a priority when you let people treat you like a mug.

Surely you can’t write off the acquaintanceship if she is in your group of friends. Just make sure next time you don’t book anything that includes paying upfront but make sure you tell your friends why. She has probably done it to others!

Agree with this. I had a ‘friend’ once who always forgot to pay until she’d been chased numerous times - and she then got hump about being harassed ‘for a few quid’

I now know and have spoken to several other women who say she did same to them - so these CF’s don’t just forget as a one off, there’s usually a pattern of freeloading

These people who ‘forget’ to pay what they owe - wonder if they also ‘forget’ to pay other bills.

I am the same as you op - I would dread raising it but good on you for sending a message. Let’s hope she responds, is mortified and pays you straightaway. How she behaves at netball tonight will tell you whether she has genuinely forgotten or is simply a cheeky fucker.

No need for name calling is there

You'd rather lose a friendship then ask a friend for £28 you're owed.

Nuts.

Your netball club will have a code of conduct. If it were me, I'd be interested to find out whether you're just the latest club member that she owes.

It's entirely okay to remind people to pay you. They're awkward for not paying on time, it's normally and acceptable to ask what you're owed until you're paid.

You think talking to people in RL and talking to random, anonymous people on a forum are the same thing??

‘Hiya - please could you send over that money? Need it to pay for x. Ya’

No. But I do think it's weird that people aren't willing or able to speak to people they call friends or acquaintances. Why would you spend time with people you are that uncomfortable with? Let alone pay for their food or drinks or whatever.

People really will treat you how you let them.

You sent her a text chasing it up which she's definitely read but you still think she's forgotten? She knows full well she owes you and should've sent it there and then. Or at least come back and said 'I'm so sorry I've been putting it off, I've been waiting for pay day on X Date, I promise I'll send it then'.

I would feel awkward too but I would bring it up at netball - in the past I've paid for stuff I would've let go but if one friend pays I feel bad about not chasing the others for payment if that makes sense.

Telling someone they are a doormat is not bullying .

The point is everyone else has paid and it isn’t fair on them to let this slide, it’s disrespectful. Just force yourself to send a reminder politely, it’s not that difficult. It’s irrelevant whether you can afford it or not, she owes you and there are more deserving causes if you want to give money away.

See, you can be assertive

But is it effective?
Have you ever seen someone change their way because someone on the internet, an anonymous person,told them they're a doormat? Because I haven’t. Shane doesn’t work. Never has, let alone on an anonymous forum.

Who is Shane?
@MaurineWayBack But is it effective?
It worked for me. I used to be MeekAndModest.

People will take advantage of people like you--always.