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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel absolutely awful after encounter on train

458 replies

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 14:45

I feel awful, and I don’t know if I was or was not being unreasonable. I’ve had to travel by train today. I got on the first train and it was unallocated seating. Sat at an empty table with 2 seats either side. Plugged my phone in, took my coat off, got comfy.

Right before we were due to depart a large lady came huffing down the aisle. I only say this as I heard her the moment she entered the carriage. She stopped at my table and decided to sit opposite me. I smiled and went back to my phone. She was incredibly overweight to the point she had to really push herself in between the table and the seats and took up both empty seats across from me. She was sweating profusely, really out of breath and huffing and puffing, took out an inhaler and was gulping water. She was breathing really heavily on me and dribbling water on the table.

Not the most comfortable situation but whatever, fine. Then I started to get a smell. Can’t describe it really, BO but so much worse. I took out and ate an orange, spritzed some perfume on my collar hoping that would cover the smell. Didn’t work and after 15mins I decided I had to move. I got up and started getting my coat and bag and she said ‘Where are you going?’. I said ‘sorry?’, kinda shocked that I was being asked, and she repeated. I said I just realised I was in the wrong seat. She said that’s bullshit, there’s no seats, I’m a terrible liar and I obviously have an issue with fat people. I said I would feel more comfortable sitting elsewhere and she called me a body shaming bitch as I was walking away. Everyone heard and it was quite embarrassing.

Was I unreasonable here? Could I have dealt with this better? I feel bad that I made her feel bad, but she was also really rude to me.

OP posts:
2gummy · 14/10/2025 15:22

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SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:22

CurlewKate · 14/10/2025 15:18

Pictures or it didn’t happen.

obviously not an image of the woman, but I am in fact on a train!

Feel absolutely awful after encounter on train
OP posts:
Kuretake · 14/10/2025 15:22

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:16

Oh fgs, if you don’t believe or want to engage just move along. I’ve better things to be doing with my time than making bizarre stories like this up.

To be fair it sounds made up. She called you a "body shaming bitch"?

2gummy · 14/10/2025 15:23

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LessOfThis · 14/10/2025 15:23

You did nothing wrong! But in response to PPs, I can smell my own BO for sure! I never understand why people say you can’t smell yourself.

EleanorReally · 14/10/2025 15:23

you have no reason to feel bad or feel awful

MissKitty0 · 14/10/2025 15:23

What an insane woman! I’d have been gone after a minute I couldn’t have been there for that long

2gummy · 14/10/2025 15:23

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SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:23

purplecorkheart · 14/10/2025 15:19

Haha I would have probably said that I was feeling unwell and was moving to be nearer the loo in cause you need to be sick. She would have gladly waved you off.

Another great excuse… hope this never happens again but have a bank of good excuses for future from this thread at least.

OP posts:
Bumdrops · 14/10/2025 15:23

Sounds grim !
i’d have moved too !!
rather be stood by the loo or sat on the floor than in that situation !
you did nothing wrong,
think no more of it !

Kattley · 14/10/2025 15:24

AIBU? To move, no. To talk about a woman’s weight, and state in a subsequent post that her breathing difficulties were obviously weight related when, in fact, she was using an inhaler so more likely an illness not weight related like asthma or copd or heart failure. I find your description of her dehumanising. Now either you’ve written about her like that to garner sympathy or comic effect or you do have issues with people’s weight and health issues.

Redpeach · 14/10/2025 15:24

And she could be on here

usedtobeaylis · 14/10/2025 15:25

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:20

Exactly, I always sit at a table so I can use my laptop and plug in. People invariably join me. Someone HAS to be the first to sit at a table, and it was only the first leg of the journey that had unallocated seating.

Same. Honestly someone will always take issues with something. I'll sit at a table if the table is free.

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:25

Redpeach · 14/10/2025 15:21

You can do that at other seats that are not tables although im talking uk trains

I’ve paid the same money as everyone else, why shouldn’t I be able to sit at a table and use my laptop? The reason I take the train sometimes is so I can continue to work and not lose time driving.

OP posts:
CameForAVacationStayedForTheRevolution · 14/10/2025 15:26

Redpeach · 14/10/2025 15:01

I wouldn't have sat at a table for four as a single traveller

Don’t think that was the question but why not? I would do if I wanted to.

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:26

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I don’t know if they did or not, there was 1 woman in her own at the table across the way as well but I got out of the carriage and went to the furthest away one as quickly as I could after I decided to leave.

OP posts:
exiledfromcornwall · 14/10/2025 15:27

You chose a diplomatic response in order to avoid causing offence. I can't see anything wrong with that, I would probably have done something similar. She was the rude one, barking "where are you going" at a complete stranger.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 14/10/2025 15:27

Op needs to go back to the other carriage and take a photo of the woman in order to prove this happened. Then she can say, ‘You wanna call me a body shaming bitch? Well this is what a body shaming bitch looks like.’

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:27

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No, I’m on train number 2 of 3 I had to take today. This happened on train number 1

OP posts:
Northumberlandisbest · 14/10/2025 15:28

One of our trains from Newcastle doesn’t stop until King’s Cross- 3 hours away,

ExtraOnions · 14/10/2025 15:28

Maybe turn back and say “Did you mean to be so rude”, with a head tilt & a tinkly laugh. Then leave as the rest of the carriage claps

HmmOdd · 14/10/2025 15:28

imfabul0us · 14/10/2025 15:08

Biscuit

I don't want a biscuit, though the woman who sat at OP's table might, apparently.

AutumnCosy2025 · 14/10/2025 15:29

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 14:57

The next stop was 45mins from the one we got on at so she’d have known that wasn’t true unfortunately.

The train honestly wasn’t that busy. There are some seats where it’s just 2 seats and no table, I rushed out of the carriage so quickly that I didn’t take notice if there were many of those available though.

Oh that would have made you super prepared for the next stop then. 😂

I think you need to just put it out of your mind now. Yes, it's nice to be a kind person & not deliberately hurt someone's feelings & maybe she can't help her size & really doesn't know that she stinks ( people do stop noticing their own smell) & maybe she can't help her breathing/dribbling etc BUT that doesn't mean you have to stay sitting next to her.

Redpeach · 14/10/2025 15:29

SoberOctober2025 · 14/10/2025 15:25

I’ve paid the same money as everyone else, why shouldn’t I be able to sit at a table and use my laptop? The reason I take the train sometimes is so I can continue to work and not lose time driving.

You don' t need a table to use a lap top and you also run the risk of what happened to you, which you're now complaining about

sweetpickle2 · 14/10/2025 15:32

She was very rude, but I don't think she's totally off the mark saying you have an issue with fat people. I lost track of the references to her size or consequences thereof in your post. You could have told the entire story including her BO without mentioning her size once, it would have been the same story.