Partners Adult Daughter

[Bernie54]

Been with current partner 3 years, his adult daughter (20’s) moved back in with him recently. She has complained about us having sex (in our bedroom) we had radio on and was very very quiet (it was at night) she sent her dad nasty text messages - referencing both of us - saying we were disgusting and that it’s not fair on her.

I am trying to work out how we manage this as she is here every night, so we can’t abstein permanently ? I do understand - but we were very very quiet and respectful but her room is next door so can’t guarantee her hearing nothing. Are we being unreasonable ? Any suggestions? Don’t want to cause any problems between dad and daughter.

I’d be mortified and it would put me off. How are the walls that thin?
I’d do it when she’s out. Or book a hotel.

I am surprised that a 24 year old is in every evening.

I am mortified, she’s here every night none of us here through the day except my partner as he works evenings….we can’t book a hotel every week lol

how did your partner respond? Why is this your problem to solve and not up to him?

Id be interested to know how he responds to her audacity.

I would do nothing tbh. You havent done anything wrong.

Yes I know, but she is, but even if she went out (she might do yet, only been back 7/8 weeks) my partner is at work until late so he wouldn’t be here anyway, hence why it was in the middle of the night!

He hasn’t told me about the messages I think he was trying to protect me, but I could see the messages, he told her it was his house

I feel sorry for her. She’s a young woman and it’s probably not an easy option to ‘just move out and get her own place’ - it must be revolting being stuck and hearing two middle aged people shagging in the place she thinks of as home. I’d be mortified if my boyfriend’s dd even heard a peep, let alone complained multiple times about it.

This. Not your problem to sort.

Nobody wants to hear their dad shagging ffs.

She's probably as mortified as you OP.

^You could always get a bit creative locations wise OP!
Easier in summer than winter, granted.
Could you stretch to a garden room that's just for the two of you, or a shepherd's hut? Could be quite romantic.^

In an Autumn storm!?

Utterly ridiculous comment. I presume daughter does not pay anything towards the house situation?

Why should she dictate what her mum can do in her own house?

Mumsnet is so weird sometimes.

Let mum have sex! Daughter can move out if she doesn't like it.

Thanks what do you suggest we do then

So what do you suggest then

Yeah. He was weak. Not just this issue. There were others. Almost exclusively about her, but still. He didn't have to go along with her. I wouldn't say it was a 'her' problem. He didn't have to do what she said. He's a grown man.

You have an easy solution - your empty house

Stay at your empty house more often

Logistically not possible

Not possible

Further up you said it was something you could arrange?

Yes but not on a regular basis maybe in the holidays, his work is 40 minutes drive from my home, he doesn’t drive, he works in hospitality, finishes around 11-11.30pm so I would have to drive to pick him and drive back to mine…on his 2 days off a week he has his little girl. Not all situations have a solution, and the other point is that his daughter has lived with him and his previous partner (not her mum). They must of had sex! What do married couples do? I was married a long time we sex, we had children.

I feel like I would feel feel physically sick if I hear my dad or mum having sex and I am in my 40s now.
Do you know what the noise is that she can hear? Is it the bed, screaming, banging on the wall? Surely there is a noise solution depending what is making the noise?

Frankly OP no one, even as an adult, wants to have to hear their parent having sex.

So I can understand that she is grossed out by it.

The best thing to do is for her to move out.

Let’s rethink this. What would you do if she were 10 or 14? Would you mange to be quiet then? Who wants to hear the parent/parents having sex?

My son has his girlfriend stay over and I told him I know they are going to have sex but I don’t want to hear them. I haven’t so it’s definitely possible.

It you can’t do it quietly, go downstairs, go to yours, make some time in the day. Parents up and down manage to have sex without their kids hearing. It doesn’t matter how old she is!

Do you own your house?
Is there a reason he doesnt drive?

Shrely you have sex very quietly if other people are in the house? Why is it so noisy.
I have never heard my parents having sex and my kids have never heard me having sex. Just do it very quietly or when noone is in surely?
What is the noise, is it the bed squeeking as you could get a more solid bed, ours doesnt make a sound its a divan with heavy mattress and make sure there is a rug underneath etc

We were quiet and had radio on no screaming or swinging from ceiling, I think it’s the place he lives in….bedrooms downstairs, if we came upstairs, I think she would hear more, the other issue is our work schedules are opposite, and when I said we was quiet we was. I’m not disrespectful, and never feel comfortable, this is the first anything has been said so maybe a one off, we haven’t had sex since