To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

I'd like to "be prepared" so to speak, before having sex too, i wouldnt want to be putting all that strain on my abdomen while doing the deed if i really needed a shit during it all.

Unless you're sticking your finger up his arse I dont see the issue? Or he's coming to bed with it stuck on him, presumably he wipes etc. I dont tend to get that close to the actual bumhole when I am intimate with DH maybe im doing it wrong 😂

Those who expect their other halves to shower after using the loo before sex - do you never have spontaneous sex?

Unplanned sex starts to heat up and you say "hold on darling - when did you last have a poo and have you showered since?" and then if they haven't showered pause proceedings while they hop in for a quick wash.

@Justinegh - if he doesn't want to have a shower, just buy a bottle of Wype and ask him to use it

Kindly, check his phone. My ex would spend so much time sitting on the toilet because that was his only time in private where I wouldn’t walk in. He was cheating on me, on many dating apps, messaging multiple women.

so I would be wary wether your partner is either doing this to get himself amped up or watching porn

I’m picturing you laying seductively on the bed wearing a silk nightie, a scented candle on your nightstand and the lights are dimmed, you flick your hair and lick your lips and he appears from the en-suite, naked from the waist down, flapping his hands and holding his nose, ‘ Bloody hell love, the size of that Jobby, I’ll have to get the plumber out in the morning, I think I’ve stunk the whole street out…’ 😩

I would have sex in the evening even if I haven’t had a shower that morning

😂😂😂

Oh... we need the laughter emoji back MNHQ!!

It would definitely put me off too. He needs to change his body rhythms!

As for people insisting that everyone should shower before sex... I forgot that in the world of Mumsnet, people are meant to scrub down with Dettol and then sanitise any interlocking body parts with antibac wipes before gritting their teeth and suffering through their duty of having to be in contact with another human body

I know it's fun to take the piss but when you've been hospitalised with kidney infections after years of UTIs every time you have sex, the advice for some of us does become "you and your partner must shower thoroughly before sex. Hands, genitals and arseholes."

Seriously, does nobody on this website ever just have a spontaneous shag? I've literally never in my life, when about to have sex with someone, thought 'Hmm, when did they last have a poo? Was his last shit before or after his morning shower?'
Spontaneous? I make my husband book an appointment and fill in a questionnaire before I even consider having sex with him.

We do, why was it ever removed?!

I'd be put off too and am with everyone who says he needs to shower, definitely. Urgh!

Why?

I think because people were using it on serious comments, which was considered rude/trolling. We can’t be trusted not to troll with the 😂.

Of course we do (ie after a night out), but generally speaking we both shower before bed as part of every day routine.

I’m not sure why people keep pointing out spontaneity when in OP’s case they know they’re going to have sex.

People were using it to mock certain posts and posters.

This would be a major turn off for me too. No getting into bed and getting naked after doing a number 2 in my house, shower first. Certainly no penises would be going in my mouth if they’ve been dangling into the toilet bowl 😂 Forturnately we’re all very regular so our natural routine is to go the toilet before showering in the morning!

Ah, this thread is reminding me of the one where people were doing a full bedding change immediately after sex. There's nowt as queer as folk.

I hope everyone's burning the sex towel and sheets afterwards.

It’s the thought that get put in your head isn’t it, its hardly sexy - I totally get it. Mine likes to go off for a long ‘bathroom session’ at times I wish he wouldn’t. Most memorably just before proposing.

Maybe you could ask him to shower before doing the deed so he would smell good and you’d just have the shower image in your head instead of the one of him having a dump. That’s not likely to get you in the mood, surely he can see that?

I buy a new mattress every time I DTD.

I'm not sure if my husband demanded I change my bowel opening time to suit his tender sensibilities that I actually could do so. If he said it was because he didn't like having sex with me knowing I had just been to the toilet I would just think him such a precious little muppet and not feel inclined to have sex with him at all.

He has a crap, then washes his hands - where's the problem?

It's no different from him having had a crap earlier in the day and then washing his hands.

Is he not to crap at all if sex is planned that day?

I would want DH to shower if he’d pooed immediately before sex…. I wouldn’t be keen on oral, or touching his perineum or bum if he hadn’t. I’d shower if I had to poo before sex for the same reason.

The issue is going to take a shit just before hating sex with her puts her off so he can be considerate and take his shit at a different time.

There isn't a pressing need to take a dump just before being intimate especially when she is expected to be turned on and around him attractive. Unfortunately the act of him going to take a shit turns her off so it's an easier solution for him to take a shit at a different time or maybe have a shower after. I would find it repulsing to give him a blowjob knowing he just got off the toilet taking a shit.