To think my friend is ungenerous in only buying herself a concert ticket?

[LoisLaneKent]

My long term friend lives in the opposite end of the country and comes to stay once a year. Likewise I stay with her once a year.

Over the years one of our main shared hobbies has been going to gigs together. Last year she booked a gig in my city and asked to stay with me. I said yes but felt a little irked she didn’t either get me a ticket or invite me too. But I left it.

This year she said she wants to see a band in my city again. I suggested I may also want to go depending on finances (this year has been tough for me which she knows). She’s now told me she’s bought herself a ticket and asked to stay with me. AIBU to think this behaviour is a little ungenerous?

Also she stays with me for 5-7 days

I wouldn’t expect her you buy your ticket but it’d be nice if she invited you.

Depends how much the tickets are I guess
If she stays with you that long it wouldn't have killed her to buy you one.

Stop letting her stay.

Say no to her staying.

You're not a free hotel and she's using you.

Gig tickets are mostly extortionate nowadays, and if you don’t buy quickly they increase even more with dynamic pricing or buying on resale.

I would never expect someone to buy me a ticket. If you said that you may want to go depending on finances, that would imply you weren’t able to make a decision at that time.

If you feel it’s an uneven relationship and you don’t want her to stay, just tell her the dates don’t work for you.

You can say no to her.

Tickets these days can be thousands. I wouldn’t expect someone to pay that for a ticket for me just because I also enjoy going. If they were a real friend, I’d enjoy getting to spend several days with them irrespective of the fact they were spending some time at a gig I would have enjoyed going to.

I suppose you need to work out whether you want a friend or someone to buy you tickets to things. If it’s the latter, then you might as well call time on the pretend friendship because it’s run its course and you aren’t benefiting in the way you want.

Does she contribute to anything when she stays? Buy groceries or take you out for a meal?

How long do you stay with her when you visit?
Other than the one night she went to a gig without you last time, do you generally enjoy her company when she stays?

It’s rude. The normal thing to do is invite host, each person pays for own ticket.

I think she could potentially buy you a ticket if she's staying with you for a week but either way if you've said you might want to go and she's just said she's got herself a ticket but expects to stay anyway then that seems rude to me. I'd understand if she just didn't know but you've said you want to go and she's ignored you

What do you buy for her when you stay with her?

No she’s a cheeky fucker. She’s getting free accommodation, it’s the least she can do.

But then how do things work when you visit her?

the last time she came she didn’t even pay for a meal. but I’ve visited her this summer and she cooked for me and took me out. I also bought her dinner.

Its just this specific thing she keeps doing of coming to my city to see bands and not inviting me along or buying a ticket for me that drives me bananas. I love her to bits otherwise.

She can sometimes be socially awkward which I sometimes put it down to but we’re old friends who have gone to concerts together for years. So it IS weird.

Is this gig an unknown band playing at a local
pub or a superstar playing Wembley?

The prices will be hugely different and make a difference to how would respond. I would never expect anyone to buy me a ticket in the hundreds £££ as many are these days.

If she knows you’ve had a tough year, maybe she doesn’t want to put pressure on you to spend?

She's using you as a free hotel, why cant you see that?

And yes good point!

What type of "gigs" are these??

To me a gig is local, not really heard of bands. If you mean Oasis/Beyonce £400+ a ticket then well, why would anyone else pay that for you?

Maybe but I wonder what her excuse was last year when I had no worries!

So the bands are big names, this one is well known but a 90s rock band. Ticket is 50 quid.

I think she should be giving you a £50 ticket as a thank you for letting you stay.

If she’s staying at yours, then it’s polite to invite you to the gig as well.

I agree.