To think my friend is ungenerous in only buying herself a concert ticket?

[LoisLaneKent]

My long term friend lives in the opposite end of the country and comes to stay once a year. Likewise I stay with her once a year.

Over the years one of our main shared hobbies has been going to gigs together. Last year she booked a gig in my city and asked to stay with me. I said yes but felt a little irked she didn’t either get me a ticket or invite me too. But I left it.

This year she said she wants to see a band in my city again. I suggested I may also want to go depending on finances (this year has been tough for me which she knows). She’s now told me she’s bought herself a ticket and asked to stay with me. AIBU to think this behaviour is a little ungenerous?

I wouldn't expect her to buy my ticket, but I would kind of expect to be invited, especially if it's something that you've always done together. And I would expect someone who came to stay to take me out for a meal maybe just once, and/or bring me a small present like a nice bottle of olive oil or something.

It does sound a bit like she's just using you as somewhere to crash right now.

ODFOD!

OP has said that she pays for meals out when she at her friend's but the friend doesn't return that favour and when friend stays at her house, she often goes out with other friends without OP, thats rude, she is treating OPs house like a hotel! OP hasn't said she does that when she stays at her friends house.

You don't need 'inviting' to a gig, its a public thing you can go to if you fancy it not a wedding or private birthday party. She is literally telling you about it and that she is going so just go. She probably thinks its a bit weird your not going given its your shared interest, probably never crossed her mind you are sitting at home waiting to be formally invited to a concert.

Why should she buy you a ticket, they are really expensive now even for small bands.

With the amount she's saving by staying with you she should definitely have got you a ticket and paid for it!

I think that if she wants to stay with you she should at the very least invite you to the concert. If she is staying for 5-7 days she should be contributing to the expense of you having a houseguest. Do you invite yourself to hers to stay? I think I would say to her that she can’t stay as the dates aren’t good for you with other commitments

If she stays with you 5-7 days she's bu not to buy you a ticket, it's very mean.
Next time tell her to get a hotel.

You say she’s a little socially awkward. If you like her then why not accept that this is her foible. For the price of 50 quid (ticket price) I wouldn’t get into a situation of trying to correct your friend’s behaviour with an uncomfortable maybe unpleasant conversation. If on balance you decide she is one of life’s ‘takers’ then distance yourself.

I would find it very strange and insulting, especially as the tickets aren’t expensive and she stays so long!

I would nearly be tempted to say unfortunately you aren’t going to be around the weekend of the concert …..then maybe the Penny will drop because otherwise it might become a yearly thing

Not sure why she isn’t getting you a ticket, she’s having a free mini break!

Why don't you just ask her "why do you never invite me to concerts any more? We used to always go together."

It's the only way to find out.

What about this then.
I have a relative, stays with me two weeks .
No contribution to food only done that once in a few years .
Have to pick her up a 30 mile round trip , then the same back. No contribution to petrol.
I think the most she has spent in the two weeks was around £2 .
She is very well off too .

On her 70th , we went to London for the weekend.
She bought her train ticket and one meal…for herself .
I paid for the hotel ( travel lodge)
I also paid for theatre tickets for us both …twice .
Expensive ones as i cant do heights .
The last day we went for a walk and called in Macdonalds.
I paid for the food only on the assumption…wrongly she would give me the money , as so far she hadnt even bought me a coffee ‼️
What she did was ….say…i dont like the coffee in here , so i am walking to pret down the road.
Walked out and left me sitting there .

This is …my older sister !

Oh, i never stay with her as she lives with her son.

The least she could have done is ask if you would like to go with her as you had already expressed an interest. She is using you as convenient accommodation. I would say something about it.

even a travelodge or premier inn is going to be, what £300-700 for 7 nights? Actually, probably more over the weekends. Plus the money saved by being able to store milk, etc in your fridge, even if she doesn't eat your food. Given all that a £50 ticket sounds pretty fair to me, but yeah, even if she wasn't going to pay for it, it's rude to not invite you at all.

Can't believe she came to your house last time and literally left to go out with other friends to a gig she knew you'd like to go to!

Personally having someone staying that long would be too much anyway so I'd say no regardless of the gig issue, but she does sound a bit tight.

Really rude - can’t believe the cheek of some people

She’s a friend you hardly see, of course she’d stay a while. You should have communicated with her better. She’s not at fault.

If a friend can afford thousands for tickets then she can afford to pay for a hotel. If my friend was finding finances a bit tight, I'd gladly pay for her ticket so that we could go to the gig together and as a thank you for providing me with accommodation for a week. She is being completely selfish imo.

Gig tickets are so expensive at the moment, in my experience.

I really wouldn't expect a friend to pay for any event for me, in honesty.

Can you not save up and buy yourself one?

For me the key question is whether it's a band you would like to see?

Is it possible she thinks you're not interested and she just enjoys being with you while also seeing "her" music while at yours?

She should invite you to come - as otherwise she's using you like a hotel. But I wouldnt expect her to pay for your ticket as they can be £££. But I'd expect her to bring a bottle of wine or similiar. I think if someone kept wanting to stay at mine and didnt include me - I'd have to let the room be unavailable as it feels a bit usery.

It’s really weird to me that she hasn’t asked you if you want to go too.

When op visited her she paid for dinner out for both of them. Also, op is not staying with friend for seeing concerts, whereas friend is coming for concerts and staying with op.

It’s not that she isn’t paying, (which she should if it’s only 50 quid), it’s that she’s booking her own ticket without even asking you if you’d like to come along with her. If she doesn’t want your company, then why is she staying at your house?

Why not? Presumably the OP is letting her stay over for free.

She's not socially awkward...just another user CF, using OPs home as a city crash pad.