To think my friend is ungenerous in only buying herself a concert ticket?

[LoisLaneKent]

My long term friend lives in the opposite end of the country and comes to stay once a year. Likewise I stay with her once a year.

Over the years one of our main shared hobbies has been going to gigs together. Last year she booked a gig in my city and asked to stay with me. I said yes but felt a little irked she didn’t either get me a ticket or invite me too. But I left it.

This year she said she wants to see a band in my city again. I suggested I may also want to go depending on finances (this year has been tough for me which she knows). She’s now told me she’s bought herself a ticket and asked to stay with me. AIBU to think this behaviour is a little ungenerous?

Fuck me!! You dont have a friend, you have a freeloader!!!
£50??

Youve saved her £400 in accommodation at least, cheeky mare!!

Shut up shop!! No more free accommodation!!

My friend came and stayed with me one night a few months ago to see a band and bought me a £150 ticket so I could go also. I thought that was incredibly generous and I insisted on buying dinner for both of us. However your friend staying much longer and not buying you a £50 ticket is really taking advantage.

Just tell her that it isn't convenient for her to stay because of (invent plausible excuse - parents are staying, cousin is visiting, spare room being decorated etc) X.

Once she's forked out for a hotel for 5 to 7 days, she might rethink offering to buy you a ticket for £50 next time.

Once she's forked out for a hotel for 5 to 7 days, she might rethink offering to buy you a ticket for £50 next time.

She'll probably also rethink inviting OP to stay with her again.

If I were here, I’d spend the money I’d have shelled on accommodation on a ticket for you as a thank you. Not buy one ticket and expect free board. What a CF!

This ^
Txt her asap that you are very sorry but she won’t be able to stay at yours this time because….
And then see what happens. Don’t tell her that it’s about the gig. Just have it your way this time and then see how it goes,
As you said to her that you wanted to go it’s super rude of her not to include you.

She's clearly only staying that long as it's free. There won't be any hotel payments for more than one night if OP's place is unavailable.

How does it work when she goes to these gigs, OP? Do you give her a key and she just comes back on her own at the end of the night?

Maybe her finances are tight too? Seems odd you're waiting for her to invite you to a gig. When she says she wants to come and stay with you because she's got a ticket for x why don't you just reply "Sounds great. I'll get a ticket too"?

It seems odd that she would arrange to stay at yours, tell you she was going to a gig and then go there alone. Does she like going to gigs alone? If I were you I'd just invite myself along. I wouldn't expect her to pay for my ticket though.

But if you feel it's too one sided tell her you've got someone else staying or you've acquired a lodger next time, so she can't stay.

She is sooo cheeky!! Even if she wasn’t paying for your ticket, just inviting you along Would be just something that you do with a friend, especially if you want to stay at their house.

Don’t let her stay, make up an excuse - maybe then she will realise that she should treat you better!

One night's hotel would equal a ticket tho. So she won't lose out by buying a ticket for her friend. It'll work out at less than £10 a night. Bargain!

Exactly my thoughts!

OP why are you assuming she owes you a ticket?
You have said she is socially awkward, so I would take her saying she wants to come your way to watch a gig plus asking if she can stay with you as her way of trying to arrange for you both to go together!
She asked in advance and then eventually bought her ticket. I am assuming you didn't buy yourself a ticket because by your own admission you couldn't afford it, yet you feel put out that she didn't buy you one? Why should she?
By your own admission again, you said she looked after you well when you visited her, so, I can't see that she is overstepping in any way by asking to stay at yours this time. You said you otherwise have a great friendship so you should be happy to see your friend for the few days she will be there. Don't begrudge her going to see a band that she has been looking forward to simply because you didn't save up for your own ticket.

It's odd to not invite you when she is asking to stay with you.
Can't imagine going out all evening at a gig you'd enjoy, leaving you behind, then crashing back at your house! The cheek of it.

Does she go to these gigs alone or with other friends that live in your town but don’t put her up?
I think if you both visit each other regularly and the host provides the food and drink when you do then that’s fair enough.

Yeah 50 she should be buying you a ticket as thanks for staying, no doubt.

Is it possible she's having money trouble though?

I wouldn't expect her to buy you a ticket at today's concert prices, however you also wouldn't be unreasonable to tell her that it's not possible for her to stay this time.

This would be her last free ride.
I'd probably cancel anyway, she can book a hotel for the event.
Don't visit her again.

You don’t have to be friends with someone who uses you as a convenience/airbnb. Sounds like she’s not thinking of you as a friend or someone to enjoy an experience with, but as someone who conveniently lives near a concert venue, and has previously allowed her to stay for free.

She is using you for accommodation. Just say no.

So is she going to these gigs alone?
Or with other people?
The latter would seem much ruder than the former.

Did she invite herself? Will she cook? Pay for food? Take you out for a few meal’s?

I wouldn’t expect a free ticket but I would not of agreed to let her stay at my Home for that long.

if it’s £50 and she expects to stay 5 days she should have bought you a ticket as a thank you for the accommodation. I’d tell her that it’s not convenient for her to stay with you. She’s taking the piss.

Are you ok with that? Also why is she wanting to say that long? I Thought she wanted to see a band so 1 night is all she needs if you really want to allow that.

This
maybe as you don’t mention it @LoisLaneKent they she thinks you don’t like the band or want to go

The reason is:

• she travels a long way and wants to spend longer than a day or two
• she went to uni in my city (where we met) and uses the time to catch up with various people